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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest condoms as opposed to me having a Coil...

62 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2014 15:00

I have previously had a Mirena Coil which worked brilliantly, no side effects and improved my periods IMMENSELY. Anyway, I had it removed for TTC purposes and DS is now 9 weeks old.

I had my post natal check today and the GP asked about contraception and I mentioned I might have another Mirena at some point. Within 15 minutes of me leaving the surgery the practice nurse phoned me to arrange an appointment to have another coil put in

The thing is, me and DH have never had the most active sex life (think going months at a time without DTD)and now DS is here it's even further from my mind! It's the last thing I'm thinking about. However, ironically, he has actually asked when we can have sex again. His question took me quite by surprise actually.

I just don't know if I can be bothered to have another Coil inserted (not pleasant going in and even more unpleasant coming out) because me and DH aren't in the need for regular contraception. I'm tempted to just not have one and tell DH that when sex does occur we should just use condoms.

The best thing in my mind about the Mirena was how it made my horrendous periods practically disappear and that would probably be the only reason I'd want another one. However, I'm breast feeding so not having periods anyway. If/when my periods recommence then I'd definitely get a Coil but until then I just don't see the point.

I know condoms can be fiddly, spoil the moment, affect sensation etc etc and so are not the most favoured/practical form of contraception in long term relationships/marriages but there's just nothing in me that's eager to have a Coil put back in.

So as not to drip feed, due to medication I'm on I can't take any hormonal contraception where the hormones are released into the systemic blood stream, I.e the Pill or the Implant etc

AIBU to feel like this?

I am going to broach it with DH later and have no idea what his reaction will be.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 23/05/2014 16:45

The coil suits me. I had my first inserted last year aged 40 and wished I'd discovered the Mirena years ago. Even if the worst happened and I never have sex again, I like that it's improved my life as a side affect of contraception so I'd not have it taken out.

I know a lot of men don't like the lack of feel and fiddliness of condoms, plus the failure rate is pretty high. I'm in agreement, as a woman, I don't like the lack of feel etc either so condoms are my least favoured form of contraception. Each to their own though, my friends prefer other methods to me as it suits them better.

LemonSquares · 23/05/2014 16:51

My GP only seem to want to offer coils to me - and I'm not keen on that so we've been using condoms for years with no scares.

These days there are quite a range and DH didn't mind when I asked or has ever indicated it's an issue.

I have been lucky that post pfb birth and bf my periods have been so much better - one doctor told me that wasn't uncommon experience.

dreamingbohemian · 23/05/2014 16:53

YANBU

I can't take hormones either so we've always used condoms. Neither of us like them particularly but what can you do, not the end of the world.

When your periods return to normal you can also try avoiding your prime ovulation days to be extra careful.

I agree with jamais I think a lot of the condom failure rate isn't breakage, it's people saying, ah fuck it, and not using one.

Salazar · 23/05/2014 16:53

I'd get the coil, because I hate condoms just as much as a typical bloke is supposed to.

Also, having a coil means I don't have to remember to buy them, deal with breaks, get the morning after pill or find ourselves disappointed and horny if we have run out.

dreamingbohemian · 23/05/2014 16:54

I read on here that GPs get a concession for every Mirena they fit. Explains a lot.

ShelaghTurner · 23/05/2014 17:02

YANBU except I'm about to have a coil fitted because I cannot stand condoms for a second longer. I've never had a coil so obviously can't comment but I'd do anything to avoid the shitness that is condoms.

MintyCoolMojito · 23/05/2014 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnythingNotEverything · 23/05/2014 18:00

I haven't had a pregnancy scare in 5 years of using condoms regularly, and I've fallen pregnant immediately on starting TTC twice over the years.

I think they're actually much more reliable than the stats suggest, probably due to the reasons given above.

LancashireTea · 23/05/2014 18:01

My ex refused to wear condoms so after years of suffering on the pill it was a case of get the coil or get sterilised, which was NOT an option for me (the ex wanted that, but he was a complete twit).

Since meeting OH I've had the coil out (in January). Don't get me wrong, it was a fantastic piece of kit, but I'd stuck with it for 4 years and wanted to go hormone free, thus OH has to use condoms if he wants any. He doesn't mind and it took us both some getting used to as he's had 2 years of the joyous coil.

You need to say to your OH that you'll consider it in the future, but right now it'll be a case of "No condom, no nookie!"

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 23/05/2014 18:05

But if you're going to get one put in anyway, why not do it now and save all the condom faff for however many months?

Standinginline · 23/05/2014 18:06

Not at all. It's your body and I think it's unfair that women have to take most of the responsibility when it comes to contraception which in turn ,more often that not ,messes with our hormones ,body etc...
I've just had my second child and know I don't want anymore ,partner has children from a previous marriage and knows that he definitely wants no more children. He hates condoms and am very sensitive to the pill ,implant etc...so he's decided to get the snip. However that still means we'll have to use protection until he's had the op and waited the 6 months after to make sure it's done properly (all been booked ). I've said that there will be no more sex unless he uses condoms until I know the op has been successful. If he's that desperate for sex he'll use them.

dexter73 · 23/05/2014 18:12

I fell pregnant whilst on the pill and have been using condoms since dd was born over 17 years ago. No accidental pregnancies using condoms here and we have sex quite often!.

weatherall · 23/05/2014 18:17

We choose to use condoms.

I don't understand why more ltr couple don't use them.

whereisshe · 23/05/2014 18:20

DH and I have used condoms for our entire relationship (11 years). I do not get on with hormonal contraception, it makes me rather scarily cross. Or weepy. Or libido-free (defeats the purpose really). I also object to the principle that the party with the most complex reproductive system (with the most that can go wrong) should be the one to bear the contraceptive load.

We don't have sex very often, and neither of us are bothered by condoms so it's by far the easiest option. And we know how to use them properly so we've never had a scare. Also no wet patch .

bleedingheart · 23/05/2014 18:22

We've always used condoms except when TTC, I did in my previous LTR too. Not had any complaints!

I'm always disappointed for friends who say their partners sulk or moan about it.

Joysmum · 23/05/2014 19:00

Bleedingheart you'd hate DH and I then as that's both of us sulking and moaning, hated things.

jamaisjedors · 23/05/2014 19:34

Yes whereisshe, that is a huge advantage (wet patch).

We occasionally don't use them (just before my period) and then I have to sleep with a towel between my legs which is not much fun.

And if you are at elsewhere (ie not at home) you are not leaving stains behind (practical? or tmi? ).

Backinthering · 23/05/2014 19:38

More condom-users here. I struggle with hormonal contraception and dislike the idea of the coil. Happily pregnancy-free after 6 years of shagging and DH is perfectly happy with them too.

LoveSardines · 23/05/2014 19:44

We use condoms and have for a few years now.

No wet patch
No hormones
No problem

ShoeWhore · 23/05/2014 20:00

YANBU - your body, your choice.

But I got pg while bfing and using condoms (properly!) so personally if you think you'll get another Mirena at some point then I don't know why you'd wait.

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/05/2014 20:09

DH has had the snip, but still on my fertile days we use condoms.

I would never put hormonal contraception back into my body.

Weigh gain, constant bleeding, mood swings, tiredness and feeling crap 24/7 is what put me off sex.

phlebasconsidered · 23/05/2014 20:17

Go copper coil. No hormones, just as effective, leave it in for 8 years. Does me and my sluggardly sex life fine. I can't take hormons as i take medication that messes them up anyway. My copper coil and me get on fine.

Rainbunny · 23/05/2014 20:19

I had mirena coils for 7 years and after I had it removed to TTC I actually found that my previously painful, heavy periods were almost entirely painfree and moderate. I don't know if that's just me? I actually won't have the mirena coil again, even though it is s tiny dose of hormones it did inflate my breast size a bit.

eurochick · 23/05/2014 20:25

I don't get on with hormonal contraception so I used condoms for years pre-ttc. Most men didn't have a problem with it. I can think of two twats who did. I didn't find them that much of a passion killer/interrupter. You just get used to them and make sure they are handily placed so there is minimal scrabbling about when the time comes.

PassTheCakeitsbeenatough1 · 23/05/2014 20:39

YANBU, we've always used condoms despite the nurse trying to persuade me otherwise after the birth of DS. I'm hormonal enough as it is without adding to that! They've never been a problem for us and should make ttc easier when the time comes.

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