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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry that all ex's stuff is STILL in my house

68 replies

92littlecat92 · 23/05/2014 14:35

Yet another issue - Sorry guys, I hope you don't all think I'm useless!

Short story: Ex left after cheating, six weeks ago. However he didn't plan very well and ALL his belongings are still in my home and he still has a key.

I have even packed all his things up to make it easy for us both and just want them OUT of my house. having a pile of his stuff all packed up in the corner of my front room is not exactly helping me to move on.

Not only that but for the last three Saturdays he has cancelled on coming to collect his stuff the night before (disrupting my weekend plans - eg. telling people I can't make it to things I could have gone to!) because its no longer convenient for him mum(his lift).

I have been very good and not destroyed any of his belongings.

WIBU to tell him he has 2 more weeks to get his stuff or I am giving it all to charity?

OP posts:

gargolia · 27/05/2014 13:40

Don't give it to charity, just put it in a box outside and send him a message saying where it is. then its his responsibility to collect it and you can't be accused of giving it away

PrincessBabyCat · 27/05/2014 13:40

Yep, change the locks then leave the box outside and let him know it's there. When he says he'll be by, tell him you have things to do and they'll be on the porch. So he'd better hurry if he doesn't want someone helping themselves to his stuff.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/05/2014 13:42

Box it all up, text and email, so you can say you gave him fair warning, "Collect within 24 hours or I take it all to charity shop."

If he doesnt get it, take it to nearest shop, they will bin anything that aint of use and will still get money. So its a win win for you and shop, lose for him, well boo hoo.

Oldraver · 27/05/2014 13:50

Why on earth would you need a friend with a car ?

Put it next to the bins... text him (the suggestion of a picture is a brill idea) telling him his stuff is outside next to the bins, collection day is x

Foodylicious · 27/05/2014 14:16

Does he have any friends/family locally who you can get to pick up his stuff?

Let him know he has managed without any of it for 6 weeks, so he can't possibly value it and tell him when it will be outside Cover it up if you wish). Still change your locks though! and be out (or at least make it look like you are out) when he is coming to collect it.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/05/2014 15:14

If he hasn't given your key back I'd change it. I had to do that myself recently, and it's so easy especially if you have a cylinder lock. I'm happy to talk you through it if you like! A new lock is about £10.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2014 15:18

I ended up dumping exH's stuff at his best mate's house. It had the double function of getting rid AND his friend seeing what a useless twunt he was. Happy days.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/05/2014 15:22

I think I will ask a friend with a car to help me

No - do not get a friend to help you!

Get the locks changed and then put the stuff outside - in bin bags. If not collected, start putting it into the bin and get it taken away each fortnight until it is all gone.

If this were me I'd have changed the locks the day he left and it would have gone outside there and then.

Smilesandpiles · 27/05/2014 15:27

I not only changed the locks for the front door, but I changed them for the back, side, shed, cellar AND the windows.

I bagged all his stuff up and sold it all, went out, paid for a baby sitter and got drunk on the money. It was worth the hangover.

Tell him, if he hasn't picked up his stuff within 24 hours, this is what you'll be doing.

Tiggywinklespinny · 27/05/2014 15:35

Change the locks and tell him you'd run out of bin bags and all you had left was charity bags, you can't be sure what day they collect.

RedRoom · 27/05/2014 17:15

Tell him he has 48 hours or it will be left outside and send a picture of it all in bags in your house. At 48 hours, send another picture of said bags in the front garden. He'll find a way.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/05/2014 17:59

Put it in writing, that way you can simply say that unless you have a firm arrangement to collect before next weekend [latest 8pm Friday], you will assume he has abandoned his possessions and will leave out for bin collection/freecycle. All clothes will be dropped off to the local homeless shelter.

Definitely change the lock barrel - watch a video on youtube, you don't have to pay a locksmith.

Oh - and bury some raw prawns in the insides of any prized stereo equipment before he collects it...

MintyCoolMojito · 27/05/2014 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinPie2013 · 27/05/2014 18:52

If he can't come and collect himself then tell him he needs to arrange for one of his friends to collect it by x date or get a courier service to come and collect and take it to his.

My dh has just arranged for TNT to collect something he bought on ebay and bring it to us and it wasn't that expensive.

If he doesn't sort it by x date it goes in the bin/to charity. Your house is not a storage facility.

Also, definitely change the locks!

Pimpf · 27/05/2014 18:54

I would give him one more opportunity, but warn him, that if he doesn't come, it will be in the front garden available for anyone to take or possibly be ruined by the weather.

EllaFitzgerald · 27/05/2014 19:55

If you ask a friend to help you, then you are sending him the message that his behaviour is acceptable and that you will continue to run around after him and you are ingraining the idea further in your head that you are responsible for looking after him (which won't help your self esteem). He's related you appallingly and you're telling him that it's ok and you don't really matter.

orangefusion · 27/05/2014 19:57

I agree with the "tell him he has until x and after that it goes out on the pavement". I did that with mine and it was amazing how quickly he sorted out transport and scooted round to get it.

And I put prawns in the chest of drawers- wrapped in gaffer tape and pinned to the inside! I know, its childish and naughty but it made me giggle when I heard months later that he and his new woman had to clear their room out because it stank!

SlimJiminy · 28/05/2014 16:59

@ orangefusion - the prawns story is brilliant!

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