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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To pay up or not?

63 replies

StickYourFlowersUpYourArse · 22/05/2014 21:35

One of my colleagues (let's call her Mary) is in hospital, the rest of the team organised some flowers and chocolates for her, I work part time so wasn't available for any of the discussions around the subject.

I had a text asking if I was ok to put in £3.50, I replied saying 'no sorry, please put in £2 for me'. So this morning I arrived to 'flowers and chocolates cost x, we've split it between us, so actually you need to pay £4.50'. The flowers have been sent so there is no going back on the price paid.

I am tempted just to pay it in order to have a quiet life, it's only £2.50 difference as opposed to loads of angst but...

I do not get on very well with Mary, there have been a couple of occasions where we have had serious run-ins. At one stage the whole team accused me of imagining things to do with the work rotas, it was really unpleasant all round, but Mary attacked me far more than anyone else and on a really personal level, which only stopped when I produced the figures which proved I was right and she was wrong. Mary never apologised, she waited until there was something minor, which was against an unofficial rule, which another ex-colleague had always done and didn't have a negative impact on anyone else, and demanded I was stopped from doing it. This made my life much, much harder. It's really hard to explain exactly without giving too many details, but suffice to say there's no love lost and the rest of the team are aware of this.

The only knowledge any of them have of my financial situation, is that I am the only member of the team who lives in a household with a low enough income to be entitled to tax credits, there was a lot of surprise about how low this actually is these days when another colleague was trying to work out if they were entitled. So they don't know if I won't pay more because I don't like Mary, or can't pay as I can't afford it.

If I refuse to pay more now, it won't impact Mary who already has her flowers, but my nicer colleagues who will have to stump up the difference. I don't want to drop them in it, but I'm pissed off that they signed me up for an amount that was more than what I'd already said I wasn't paying. Normally a collection would be made in an envelope and then a present bought, using the amount collected, so this wouldn't be an issue. I don't know what reasoning led to it being done differently this time, but I had already said what I was willing to contribute when the purchase was made, I feel this should have been factored in, or a more lengthy explanation sent why I should sign up to their plan and agreement reached with me, before the order was made.

The upshot is I have sympathy for Mary's illness (from which she should make a full recovery) but given the history, it's about £2 worth of sympathy, not £4.50. I can afford the extra £2.50, but equally there are many other things I'd much rather spend it on.

So should I pay? I'm willing to let the MN jury decide (if you haven't got bored and wandered off in search of more interesting threads during the epic backstory).

OP posts:
magoria · 22/05/2014 21:38

I wouldn't pay up. You said £2 you pay £2.

Not your fault they ignored you next time it could be more, then more, then more.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 21:39

Well i hold grudges so i wouldnt pay anything, but you did say you would pay £2 so i would pay £2 and when eyebrows were raised i would say "i did specify £2"

londonrach · 22/05/2014 21:39

You said £2 you pay £2

gamerchick · 22/05/2014 21:40

Well I would be torn in whether to give a fiver or give the whole 4.50 in coins.. 1ps if you really dislike or maybe 10ps so it looks like a jar has been raided.

But the fiver would probably win.. it's just really not worth quibbling overa few quid when you have to work with these people. Lifes too short.

soverylucky · 22/05/2014 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 21:40

Just noticed your username OP Grin

Hassled · 22/05/2014 21:42

I'd pay for an easy life and because otherwise your colleagues will have to pay more, and that's not especially fair either (although the numpty who organised this should have thought it through). I think the fall-out if you stick to your guns is going to cost you way more than £2.50.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 21:42

Someone is ill in hospital and you are not going to pay an extra £2.50? Sorry I don't get it. Be the bigger person here.

It doesnt affect the ill person whatever OP pays. It's between OP and her colleagues. She said what she could pay and they are now asking for more.

Roseformeplease · 22/05/2014 21:43

£2

And spend the rest on some revenge.

Helpys · 22/05/2014 21:45

Although Mary's a cow it's not her who'll suffer, but your nicer colleagues, so you should look down the back of the sofa. Or if you're feeling PA give them a cheque and ask them to cash it next month.

Janethegirl · 22/05/2014 21:45

You said you'd pay £2, if you pay more they may stick you for even more money next time. I'd say the person that organised it needs to suck up the excess money, not you OP.

CoffeeTea103 · 22/05/2014 21:49

I think squabbling over the extra 2.5 is going to leave you being seen as the one who was the issue with Mary. Rather resolve things with her at a time that's not going to make you out to be the bad one.

AgentProvocateur · 22/05/2014 21:50

Pay up, or your colleagues will think of you as tight for evermore.

ExitPursuedByABear · 22/05/2014 21:54

£2. Get a backbone.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 22/05/2014 21:55

I'd pay up and resent it for a while after

Billygoats · 22/05/2014 21:56

You said £2 so just pay £2 . Just because its minimal does not mean you have to pay the difference when you had already told them what you could afford.

I was once told to put in for a collection for a girl at work who was hospitalised, she had made my life hell to the point I cried nightly about it. I felt like a school child being bullied. Did I f* pay into her present. Its your money , don't put yourself out.

PrincessBabyCat · 22/05/2014 21:56

On principle, no you shouldn't have to pay it.

But in practice, you know your colleagues are just going to think you're being petty and holding a grudge.

Personally, I think there's bigger things to worry about than £2.50. It might be better to pay it and stay on good terms with coworkers that you enjoy working with so they'll continue to enjoy with with you.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 22/05/2014 21:56

Pay up now but next time, why not say you won't be contributing at all. I find it very odd that she's 'worth' £2 of your sympathy but not £4.50 'worth'. Either contribute or don't. What would they be putting on the card - just some of the letters of you name?

emms1981 · 22/05/2014 21:56

I know how you feel, if it was me I would pay nothing lol, just pay the £2, reminds me of something that happened to me,
when I was working the shop I worked in got took over by someone else and they had a kind of leaving party,
They booked it all up, bought flowers etc for the manager's and said everyone could pay £5 and invite 5 people, my ds was only baby and anyone who would normally baby sit was going as a guest ( my mil mil worked with me so mil was going) so I said sorry I can't go no baby sitter, then I was told as your not going we are asking anyone who can't go to pay £5 towards the costs, is that OK? And I said no it isn't! I can't go because I have a baby, I think I was the only one who didn't pay,and they knew I was working 2 jobs at the time to pay the bills too

rookiemater · 22/05/2014 22:00

I'd pay the 4.50, but I'd explain to the person who went ahead and bought the stuff that you are on a very tight budget and next time could they stick to the traditional route of getting the cash before buying something.

YANBU by the way, I earn more than you but haven't had a wage rise in 3 years( am getting 0.75% this year woo hoo) so whilst I put money into collections, I don't put much if it's someone I'm not overly fond of.

BumWad · 22/05/2014 22:01

Fuck it just pay the £2 and if you feel guilty put £2.50 in a charity box next time you see one!

Also love your username.

I couldn't give a fuck if my colleagues thought I was tight. If somebody had been shitty to me at work I wouldn't even be giving the £2!

Bloodyteenagers · 22/05/2014 22:02

I wouldn't pay a thing.
I would tell them well next time, bother to ask people for a collection before you decide for me how much or little I might want to donate. No way am I going to spend a penny on someone I do not like.

Caitlin17 · 22/05/2014 22:05

I'm with Gamerchick raid the pennies jar/back of the settee/bags you don't use. If you're like me you'll find £2.50 easily which you didn't know you had.

Coconutty · 22/05/2014 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mellicauli · 22/05/2014 22:08

grit your teeth, pay the extra, not worth falling out with your colleagues for.

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