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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I lost my temper with work colleague today - but was I right to?

51 replies

bengal38 · 22/05/2014 16:34

My colleague and I are on the same grade at work. This week she has been trying to be a bit picky/bossy with me. I let a few things go though as I am not a confrontational person.

Today she was looking for something and I told her I didn't know where it was and she came into the changing room and had a bit of a go at me about it - it was more abrupt/rude. I told her I didn't know where it was and that I had enough of her this week and not to shout at me. She then left and I walked out after her and again told her not to ever shout at me again.

My Boss then came and asked me what the shouting was about so I told her that she was annoying me. She then called me over to her and asked me to explain what had happened so I did. I then told "x" that I didn't like the way she spoke to me and she kept repeating herself saying "how did I talk to you" and I told her she was very abrupt and rude. She then told the Boss that she had only asked me and that I just shouted at her which wasn't true.

The Boss then told me not to leave what she was looking for at the bottom of the freezer so I explained that even though I did clean and put away the stock in the freezer when the other stock came in "X" put it away leaving the box at the bottom of the freezer.

My Boss then told me to leave but I am now wondering whether I handled this in the right way. Yes I admit that I maybe shouldn't have lost my temper with her (even though she did deserve it) but I am worried about going into work tomorrow as I don't know how things will be.

My husband said I did the right thing to shout back at her but what does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Jinsei · 22/05/2014 16:37

It is unprofessional to lose your temper and shout in the workplace, regardless of what your colleague did. You should have kept your cool and spoken to your boss.

OwlCapone · 22/05/2014 16:38

I think you sound like a pair of school children.

idontlikealdi · 22/05/2014 16:39

No, you didn't do the right thing.

pictish · 22/05/2014 16:39

No - you should not have lost your temper. I completely understand why you did of course, these self important types of pricks are infuriating...but as soon as you lose your temper you have lost.

I think you ought to go back in tomorrow and have a calm, sensible conversation with your boss about why you felt so keyed up.

Original poster
bengal38 · 22/05/2014 16:41

My work colleague is the one that confronted me first and spoke to me in a abrupt rude manner. That is why I shouted back at her as all week she has been picky/bossy with me.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 22/05/2014 16:42

Shouting back loses you the moral high ground, so it's better if you can avoid it. The boss just ends up hearing you shouting, and not what came before it.

Tomorrow, I would try to calmly explain to the boss that your colleague had been off with you all week and you lost your temper over something that would not normally have been a problem.

Squidstirfry · 22/05/2014 16:42

Sorry... Shouting at people you work with , even if it's to shout "don't shout at me" is pretty naff. U over reacted.

MaidOfStars · 22/05/2014 16:42

Don't need to read past the post title, to be honest. It is NEVER acceptable to "lose your temper" with a work colleague, however angry you might feel.

pictish · 22/05/2014 16:43

Btw I speak from direct experience of the same. years ago I lost my cool with a similar sort of colleague. Same grade as me, and definitely not my senior, but felt entitled to boss me around and speak to me like an idiot because she had been there longer than me.
I lost my temper on one occasion, and frankly, made a tit of myself.

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2014 16:43

No you didn't do the right thing.

As soon as you start shouting (especially at work), it puts you in the wrong as well as your colleague.

Also, once she left you shouldn't have gone after her to have a go at her again.

It's pretty school playground stuff and both you and your colleague handled it badly.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/05/2014 16:43

No, you did not do the right thing. You were very unprofessional.

I'd be mortified and really quite worried if I had been sent home for poor conduct in the workplace.

5Foot5 · 22/05/2014 16:44

I am afraid if you shouted too then you lost any chance to appear reasonable and in control. There is no reason why you could not confront this colleague on her behaviour without raising your voice too.
By joining her in a shouting match then you will both appear to be roughly as bad as each other to your boss.

ElizaDolittle2 · 22/05/2014 16:45

No sorry in your own words you lost your temper with your colleague. This is not acceptable therefore YABU

WooWooOwl · 22/05/2014 16:48

It is never right to shout at someone at work, there are better ways than that of handling a situation like the one you described.

I'm surprised you really need to ask. If your shouting has resulted in negative consequences for you, then how could it possibly be the right thing?

trappedinsuburbia · 22/05/2014 16:55

Ive lost my temper as well, I jumped up out my desk and chased said colleague shouting dontyou ever f###ing speak to me like that again. Not my finest hour, however I got a lot of people telling me she deserved it. Best part was she didnt speak to me at all for 2 months, it was bliss.

eurochick · 22/05/2014 16:59

You both sound completely unprofessional, tbh.

PrincessBabyCat · 22/05/2014 17:01

Flipping your shit at work will never end well, even if you were justified.

Next time she shouts talk to the boss or contact HR to let them know you're being verbally abused. Shouting back just escalates the situation, and an office where people can scream at each other is not a good environment to be working in.

If I was your boss I'd be annoyed at both of you that I had to play playground monitor. Over where something is in the freezer... Christ. I'd be pissed at you both.

If it makes you feel better your boss probably isn't thinking highly of your coworker either.

basgetti · 22/05/2014 17:01

You shouldn't lose your temper at work. I remember your previous posts and you seem to have had ongoing issues with your job, your boss and a variety of colleagues. The fact that they saw fit to send you home surely shows that you have been unreasonable.

ComposHat · 22/05/2014 17:05

I kept on reading this thinking 'there must be a twist, surely no adults can act so pathetically in the workplace.' It would be considered unbelievably petty if the two antagonists were still in school.

I think the op's next move will be to start a rumour that her colleague got a lovebite off big Dazza for the 5th from behind the bikesheds.

Gruntfuttock · 22/05/2014 17:07

It sounds extremely childish to me. Like two children telling teacher "it was her".

googoodolly · 22/05/2014 17:10

It sounds like you both need to grow up. Losing your temper at work (however, "justified") will never go down well.

SelectAUserName · 22/05/2014 17:17

Nope, completely unprofessional. It is never acceptable to lose your temper at work (oh, the irony of shouting "don't shout at me"...) and instantly loses you the moral high ground. You both sound quite childish and petty TBH.

The way to have handled it would have been to say "no, I'm sorry, I don't know where it is" when she asked you. Then leave it for another time to say calmly "I find the way you approach me for information sometimes comes across as rude or abrupt. I assume you don't mean to be rude on purpose so I thought I should mention it in case you aren't aware." If she then has a go, you say "perhaps we can discuss this when you're calmer" and walk away and/or you raise it with your boss / HR.

PixieofCatan · 22/05/2014 17:18

Are you still in the school? Because if so, I'd be a bit concerned. IIRC, there have been a few issues for you in the work place which you aren't really 100% innocent in?!

flowery · 22/05/2014 17:24

It's never "the right thing" to shout at someone, especially at work.

Original poster
bengal38 · 22/05/2014 18:51

I wasn't sent home from work this happened at the end of the day.

I did at first tell her calmly that I didn't know where it was but she continued to get irate about it and blamed me.

OP posts:
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