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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I lost my temper with work colleague today - but was I right to?

51 replies

bengal38 · 22/05/2014 16:34

My colleague and I are on the same grade at work. This week she has been trying to be a bit picky/bossy with me. I let a few things go though as I am not a confrontational person.

Today she was looking for something and I told her I didn't know where it was and she came into the changing room and had a bit of a go at me about it - it was more abrupt/rude. I told her I didn't know where it was and that I had enough of her this week and not to shout at me. She then left and I walked out after her and again told her not to ever shout at me again.

My Boss then came and asked me what the shouting was about so I told her that she was annoying me. She then called me over to her and asked me to explain what had happened so I did. I then told "x" that I didn't like the way she spoke to me and she kept repeating herself saying "how did I talk to you" and I told her she was very abrupt and rude. She then told the Boss that she had only asked me and that I just shouted at her which wasn't true.

The Boss then told me not to leave what she was looking for at the bottom of the freezer so I explained that even though I did clean and put away the stock in the freezer when the other stock came in "X" put it away leaving the box at the bottom of the freezer.

My Boss then told me to leave but I am now wondering whether I handled this in the right way. Yes I admit that I maybe shouldn't have lost my temper with her (even though she did deserve it) but I am worried about going into work tomorrow as I don't know how things will be.

My husband said I did the right thing to shout back at her but what does everyone else think?

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 22/05/2014 19:13

I did at first tell her calmly that I didn't know where it was but she continued to get irate about it and blamed me

"I'm sorry but I'm not willing to continue this discussion any further right now."

Followed by walking away.

pictish · 22/05/2014 20:40

OP I know...rude, up herself cow...I know.
But you just can't.

claig · 22/05/2014 21:32

I think you did the right thing.
Don't worry about going back in to work. You could apologise to her tomorrow for losing your temper.

But you did the right thing because you drew a line that she should not cross and now she will be more carefu about how she talks to you.

Be magnanimous and apologise to her for losing your temper and she will respect you even more and still be careful about how she talks to you in future. By reacting strongly you wll have gained her respect.

teeththief · 22/05/2014 21:49

Are you the school cook who has posted about mostly self inflicted dramas work issues before?

I think you were wrong to follow her and continue shouting

PennySillin · 22/05/2014 21:52

Always in the wrong once you lose your temper.

Waltermittythesequel · 22/05/2014 21:54

You don't lose your shit at work. You just don't.

Of course you didn't do the right thing.

ilovesooty · 22/05/2014 22:04

I think you were unprofessional and your colleague's behaviour is no justification. I'm another who wonders why you aren't asking yourself why you seem to have so many issues in the workplace.

Appletini · 22/05/2014 22:08

My Boss then came and asked me what the shouting was about so I told her that she was annoying me.

Well that was unprofessional wasn't it?

pictish · 22/05/2014 22:18

Hmm...you do seem to suffer a lot of work related crisis don't you?

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 22/05/2014 22:27

You handled it badly I'm afraid. Why do you think you have so many issues at work OP?

Glampinglove · 22/05/2014 22:28

You were unprofessional but hey who hasn't lost it with someone, don't beat your self up about it, worse things happen in the world.

Go back in tomorrow have a meeting with your manager and your colleague to sort everything out.

wheresthelight · 22/05/2014 22:28

Erm... Grow up!!

She walked away, you followed and started to shout at her again...you are lucky she isn't putting in a grievance against you for bullying amd intimidation!!

However much she was annoying you at work you NEVER shout at her! You report it to your boasting ask her to deal with it. And as for the flippant reply to your boss...un-bloody-believable!! I wouldn't be at all surprised if you find yourself on the receiving end of disciplinary action tomorrow!!

Ever consider anger management classes!

gordyslovesheep · 22/05/2014 22:28

well she won then didn't she? you feel she's been niggling at you all week ...you then yelled at her, your boss heard - now you look very unprofessional

learn from it AND if a work mate is being 'nasty' to you follow the correct way of dealing with it:

have a CALM word
if that doesn't work go to your manager

wheresthelight · 22/05/2014 22:29

Boss and nit boasting!! Fat fingers on phone sorry

gordyslovesheep · 22/05/2014 22:31

hang on ... Bengal I just realised it was you ...you have had lots of advice on how to deal with work place conflict on many many threads ...please try taking it on board

CustardFromATin · 22/05/2014 23:11

The only time that shouting is acceptable in a workplace (or in general, as an adult) is if it's to shout 'fire!'.

Also, you seem to be a little in denial about your role here - first you said you were saying to her 'don't shout at me', but it later becomes clear that while she may have been rude, YOU were the one doing all the shouting.

Workplace bullying or even standard workplace disagreements can be horrible, YANBU to be unhappy with the situation, but you need to find better ways of dealing with this, or find another job.

Original poster

bengal38 · 22/05/2014 23:42

CustardFromATin
I am not bullying her. I am not a confrontational person - she has been picky/bossy with me all week.

Just to be more clear.
I signed out and went into the changing room to change. As I was going to change she asked me (nicely) where the box was and I replied (nicely) back that I had put it back in the freezer. She then said to me where exactly as she couldn't find it so I said to her "I help you find it as I'm not sure where it could be then". She seemed happy enough with that. As we both looked she started to get abit agitated with me so I repeated myself calmly to her that I didn't know where it was and to ask "X" as he had put more stock away in that freezer. She asked him and he said he never saw it so then she took it out on me. I walked away and then went back to change - I never confronted her at this point. She then came into the changing room after me and had a go at me. I told her not to shout at me and as she walked out she started moaning about it so I walked after her and told her not to shout at me again.

OP posts:

SummerRain · 22/05/2014 23:56

If I shouted at a colleague I'd be sent home and suspended. It's not ok, ever.

If you had a problem with the way she was speaking to you you should have said so in a normal tone of voice, if she failed to desist you should have reported it to your manager.

At no point was losing your temper and shouting an appropriate or reasonable response

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/05/2014 07:15

Nope, still unreasonable

MaidOfStars · 23/05/2014 09:29

By reacting strongly you wll have gained her respect

You say this, despite it being implicit in every other response here that the OP would have completely lost the respect of any of us in this situation?

Glamping I have NEVER lost it with someone at work, no matter how angry I have been. I have never shouted, I have never publically stormed off. I thought this was the norm but maybe not.

SelectAUserName · 23/05/2014 09:41

Maid Me neither. There are times I would have loved to, but it would make for a fairly chaotic and anarchic workplace if we all felt we could shout and storm off like children every time someone annoyed us.

londonrach · 23/05/2014 09:45

Yabu. Sorry. You need to be professional at work. Hope it wasn't as bad as you thought going to work.

ElizaDolittle2 · 23/05/2014 09:47

You really need to be careful OP

Reading through your previous threads you already had your probation period extended when you first started.

As I and others have said, there is no excuse for shouting at a fellow employee in this way.

Original poster

bengal38 · 23/05/2014 16:35

Went into work today - felt awkward but everything was fine. Boss was normal with me which is good - work colleague who I shouted at looked like she had guilt written all over her face. We said hello/goodbye but that was it.

Doubt she will bother me again.

OP posts:

Glampinglove · 23/05/2014 19:18

MaidOfStars I "lost it" with my manager after I witnessed another colleague assault a person we were caring for. I had reported the colleague to my manager a week previously as I had suspected that they were being abusive. My manager didn't take my concerns seriously which allowed the service user to be abused.

I admit that I wasn't professional, I have been working in this sector now for 18 years and this is the only incident where I shouted at a colleague. I personally didn't storm off and I don't consider my reaction/behaviour to be acceptable or the norm.

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