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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelling non refundable air tickets

234 replies

FlossieLondon · 22/05/2014 10:01

It is looking inceasingly like I won't be able to go the States with my husband for a family wedding, as I have to stay home to care for our son. (See previous thread.)

We've been on to the airline to cancel my tickets (to reclaim tax) to be told that this can't be done for one person on the booking - it is both of us or nothing. We can't do that my husband is best man, he needs to go out on the flight we booked.

After a lot of pleading the airline has finally agreed to cancel my ticket if I want, but the admin fee means that we only get a few pounds back. This is only a matter of changing the booking on a computer? What the hell? I am bloody furious.

Keeping the ticket for the moment... hoping and praying that another seat will become available so our son can come with us.

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyQS · 23/05/2014 12:44

So, you reckon your husband is really happy it has played out like this?

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 12:54

Her mum's illness is relevant because travel insurance usually covers 'illness of close relative' as a reason to cancel

But the illness has no bearing on the OP not being able to go away- she couldn't go because her mum could get leave to look after her grandson- to claim that the reason was now her mothers illness would, in this circumstance, be immoral and fraudulent.

The mahoosive drip feed is insane - the OP is risking her mothers health and the relationship with her sister just because she doesn't trust her husband.

MissDuke · 23/05/2014 12:58

Flossie I understand your frustration, I really do. However this is affecting your mums health and your relationship with your sister? Is it really worth it for a wedding?

I would let your dh go, and stay at home with your ds (clearly this is the only option anyway). Accept the loss as one of those things. Really, would you have fun if ds went anyway? You have made it clear the flight and wedding would be a lot to ask of him. It would be madness to spend even more money to go only to have a miserable time.

I would just see accepting that the money is wasted is the only option, actually the cheapest option, and the fairest option on everyone involved. If possible, please tell your mum that you managed to get a refund. Do not let her feel the weight of all of this, she was trying to do a nice thing for you!

(Incidentally, if I was your sister I would totally have rearranged my break for you, I am not giving you a hard time, just stating the obvious that this is the only option left now).

JodieGarberJacob · 23/05/2014 12:58

Yes, it's a bit odd that the ex is going. Can't DH look after his own kids then? Also if she really is still after him, even more reason for the db not to invite her. Presumably he knows the set up if he is in close contact with his brother.

diddl · 23/05/2014 13:03

"Can't DH look after his own kids then?"

Well the pair of them can't look after a 3yr old for a flight...

JodieGarberJacob · 23/05/2014 13:08
Grin
minibmw2010 · 23/05/2014 13:09

It's not that unusual that the ex-wife has been invited. She may well still be considered part of the family!

JodieGarberJacob · 23/05/2014 13:13

But not if there's bad feeling between the parties surely?

Helpys · 23/05/2014 13:17

I can see why you really want to be there.
Again, Nanny?

diddl · 23/05/2014 13:17

Even if there's bad feeling, most adults can put it aside for a wedding!

Maybe she fancied a trip to USA!

Maybe the teen nephews didn't want to go with their dad & OP.

So OP, did you want to leave your son so that you could keep an eye on your husband & his ex??

Helpys · 23/05/2014 13:18

Or swap your ticket for one for DS.
That would cramp his style give you a break to look after your mum.

SpicyPear · 23/05/2014 13:25

OP I avoided these threads because you sounded slightly deranged about the whole thing. It makes a lot more sense now. I'm not going to flame you about feeling insecure about the ex-wife. That's human. Surely the best thing would be to stop misdirecting your stress towards the childcare, flights etc and have a good chat with DH about the real problem so you can start getting your head around him being there without you.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/05/2014 13:28

Spicy I avoided the thread for much the same reason too!

She still does sound deranged, it does make more sense but she really needs to speak to her DH and address her trust issues!

pluCaChange · 23/05/2014 13:44

If your DH's ex is going to be there, with such history, the last thing you should want is to be there, jet-lagged and stressed and chasing a toddler. If things are bad enough to make you feel so insecure, stay away so DH can miss you, rather than wishing you weren't there.

diddl · 23/05/2014 13:53

She didn't want to be chasing a toddler-hence the mess now!

OP-what do you think could happen between your husband & his ex with his parents, brother, teenage sons there?

Doesn't matter how much the ex chases if husband isn't interested!!

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 14:22

There's no claim that can be made via a credit card company as the airline have not failed to deliver the service the OP bought- she just can't use it.

whatever5 · 23/05/2014 14:38

I don't blame the OP for wanting to be there. I wouldn't want DH to go somewhere by himself if his ex was going to be there if I knew she wanted him back. That's not because I don't trust him but who wants some other woman chasing after their DH?

Anyway OP, I would just buy two tickets on another flight using a credit card. Could you do that?

NaturalBaby · 23/05/2014 14:43

Well if you can't get there with your Ds then it doesn't matter who else is at the wedding.
When's the flight?

StinkyGinkoNuts · 23/05/2014 15:26

Honestly, some people would leave their 3 year old child with a nanny they've never met before? For a week?! Apart from the obvious, surely it would cost more than a business class flight. (I actually have no idea how much either of these things would cost.)
With or without the ex, I'm in the "give it up" camp. How much was this non-refundable, non-exchangeable, completely inflexible, no-frills ticket to the States anyway?

heraldgerald · 23/05/2014 15:34

Blimey op. I would never in usual circumstances say this. Get. A. Grip.

Canthisonebeused · 23/05/2014 15:47

She can't book an extra flight. There is nothing that can be done other than hope hope for a last minute cancelation. I have no idea why OP posted a new thread knowing nothing can be done then gets all stroppy and abusive with other posers for posting possible solutions Hmm. So bloody self absorbed.

Caitlin17 · 23/05/2014 17:57

It could be done if she really wanted it. It's not particularly sensible but she could stick a flight for herself and the child,even going to another city and using internal flights on a credit card; she could even apply for a new credit card and take advantage of no interest deals. They might be paying it off for ages and might be having staycations for the foreseeable future if going to this wedding is so important, then so be it.

Neither of these suggestions is particularly sensible but I've occasionally used credit cards for the "oh sod it, there really is no choice, I'll consider the consequences later" scenario.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/05/2014 18:04

None of this would have happened if the OP had just booked for them all in the first place rather than try and leave her misbehaving child with others for the week.

The ex is a red herring and given the OP has been moaning about this for days with no mention of it I doubt it's really anything to do with the issue.

As for the insurance issue, it's so non starter. A married parent doesn't need their adult child to miss a holiday because they have stress!! Awful to try and drag the mum into it anymore than she is already. I can see why the sister won't budge tbh.

LIZS · 23/05/2014 18:12

A confession.My husband's first wife is going to be there, with their (teenage) children. I didn't break up their marriage but she has never stopped trying to get him back, and continually causes us problems.That's why the stress. Ah.... so it isn't really about the money or being let down by your dm/dsis.

Sorry op you took a chance on being able to leave your ds behind and it hasn't worked out. If you originally didn't want to be shown up by naughty toddler in those circumstances maybe it is for the best that you bow out. The flight was booked knowing you'd not get a refund, just right it off and relax at home .

Neverknowingly · 23/05/2014 18:18

I think people are being ridiculously harsh about OP leaving DS behind, Most young children get restless on long flights and restlessness often leads to fractiousness. We always consider flight lengths when booking holidays, only book longer flights when the holiday location/length justifies it and I feel no small amount of trepidation at the prospect of flying 3 under 5's to Australia in January. My children are not naughty but are certainly normal and there is potential for bad behaviour. For such a small trip as OP is planning it is not unreasonable to have left the little one behind with a loving, familiar GP.

And hindsight is a wonderful thing.