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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelling non refundable air tickets

234 replies

FlossieLondon · 22/05/2014 10:01

It is looking inceasingly like I won't be able to go the States with my husband for a family wedding, as I have to stay home to care for our son. (See previous thread.)

We've been on to the airline to cancel my tickets (to reclaim tax) to be told that this can't be done for one person on the booking - it is both of us or nothing. We can't do that my husband is best man, he needs to go out on the flight we booked.

After a lot of pleading the airline has finally agreed to cancel my ticket if I want, but the admin fee means that we only get a few pounds back. This is only a matter of changing the booking on a computer? What the hell? I am bloody furious.

Keeping the ticket for the moment... hoping and praying that another seat will become available so our son can come with us.

OP posts:
Groovee · 23/05/2014 07:47

Unfortunately when you booked the tickets for the flights you would have had to agree to terms and conditions of these tickets i.e cheap non refundable tickets which probably means that everyone has to fly or you loose the money.

It may be a better idea for you to be an no show on the flight and reclaim the taxes once the flight has gone.

OwlCapone · 23/05/2014 07:48

owl, I meant that the mother feels guilty now

And, like I said, I meant that I didn't get the impression that the OP has made her mother feel immensely guilty.

Comingfoccacia · 23/05/2014 07:52

Ah yes, the non refundable, non changeable ticket. At time of purchase you could have paid a bit more to have a more flexible ticket, but if you went for the bare bones one there's not much you can do about it. Did you book direct with the airline or an agent? Either way, the cancellation conditions would gave been made aware to you at time of booking.

pluCaChange · 23/05/2014 07:54

I thought it was bad form to drag up matters from another thread? It seems as though the arguments have just come over here because Flossie is here now, responding to this (fight-following?!)

...although, Flossie, please remember that, although some people are idiots and don't RTFT Grin, sometimes people might not have refreshed their screens before posting, or take so long to write a post (child crying, poo emergency, supper, etc.) that there are a lot of cross-posts. Just as it's not really considered good etiquette to hound people from thread to thread and bring up lots of things which were on another thread (not everyone is a professional MN politico, and it should be possible for anyone to respond to a thread on its own merits), some of the repetition that understandably annoyed you was on the other thread, and this one could have been a bit of a fresh start. If you had sworn on the other thread, that would have been a clear response to the pasting. On a new thread, reacting so angrily looks like an overreaction, sorry.

By the way, don't give up on MN. Namechange, spend some time lurking, and you'll get to see the value of the place. People sometimes do really help one another here, and it can also be a lot of fun. Talk boards like this are a great way to make contact with people with something in common, with whom you wouldn't have contact in any other way (geographical distance, time-zones, shift work). If you are lonely, bored and frustrated with your life (who isn't, with a toddler?), it can be a real an outlet.

Comingfoccacia · 23/05/2014 07:55

Also, you cannot change names on a scheduled airline flight, but you can on a charter flight if that helps.

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 08:06

I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that one owl

The OP is hardly likely to explicitly state (possibly as she hasn't even noticed) that her mother feels guilty.

Given the fuss the OP is making about this, I can't see how the mother wouldn't feel guilty.

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 08:12

Sorry if I've broken MN protocol by mentioning things in the other thread, I just felt it was relevant in order to explain why I didn't think using the mothers current medical condition as a way to get a refund.

In isolation, it might have worked (although I don't really see how 2 weeks off with stress would be considered an emergency worthy of a grown up child cancelling a holiday) but I think the mother has tried hard enough to help out.

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 23/05/2014 08:25

Sorry if I've broken MN protocol by mentioning things in the other thread

I'm no expert but I would have thought in this case no apology is called for as Flossie points to it herself in her OP and later on.

If you're still there Flossie I would just like to add 'let it go'. As a wise previous poster said (Scarlett I think,) you've already paid the money, you're not going to get (much of) it back, but this way you'll probably save a bit of what you would have spent if you'd gone.

This is one of those situations where nobody has done anything wrong: not your sister, not your mum, not her employer and certainly not the poor sous-chef who by now I should think has the sympathy of your mother. You and your DH perhaps made an iffy judgement call when you booked the flights in the first place but who of us hasn't at some point?

Let. It. Go. Wave your DH off with a smile and a bon voyage. Life's too short to do anything else. And if anything else does come of it (a late cancellation, say) that will be a bonus.

Wine Cake Flowers

OwlCapone · 23/05/2014 08:26

Given the fuss the OP is making about this, I can't see how the mother wouldn't feel guilty.

How would you have any idea what fuss the OP is making elsewhere? Whether the mother feels guilty or not, you said that the OP has made her feel guilty which is pure conjecture.

ILoveWooly · 23/05/2014 08:28

I was one of the posters on the original thread who choose not to judge you and offer genuine advice... I now suggest a name change or to not bother coming in here again as some of 'us' are so fucking stupid 'we' can't even read.

I really like MN... I really dislike selfish rude and verbally abusive people like you.

JodieGarberJacob · 23/05/2014 08:41

I think I would do the turning-up-and hope-for-a-ticket-for-ds option. Pack as if you are all going (without telling ds), book in and then just hope. If nothing's available, wave goodbye to DH and walk away. If a ticket becomes available, woohoo! Ds, we're going with daddy!

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 09:03

How would you have any idea what fuss the OP is making elsewhere

Er, maybe because she claimed this is 'tearing her family apart' - that's a lot of fuss over a holiday.

Original poster
FlossieLondon · 23/05/2014 09:20

I had to walk away from the laptop last night because I was so stressed. I apologise for my swearing - it was completely out of order. I know people were trying to help me and I do appreciate it.

The insurance claim had occurred to us as well although we haven't told mum yet. Her medical certificate will have run out before the time we are due to go away, and she wants to go back to work if possible, and we wouldn't want to stop her if she's well enough. She's a workaholic and will never change.

OP posts:
heraldgerald · 23/05/2014 09:29

Can I just add one more thing. Stop calling your child naughty!! He's 3 ffs. Start reading about positive behaviour strategies for 3 year olds and use them religiously.

brdgrl · 23/05/2014 09:31

You must realise that you have almost certainly contributed your mother's current condition....right?
But I'm sure if it turns out that she's not well enough to work, she'll be just well enough to look after your son. Well played.

NaturalBaby · 23/05/2014 09:32

You don't have to explain yourself to posters who don't understand your situation, just ignore them. I cannot begin to imagine how stressed and upset you must feel.

The standby option for your ds sounds good. When is the flight?

I'm crossing all my fingers and hoping it works out for you all.

You have lots of options so decide what you are going to do, write it down and plan it, then try and forget about it for a bit.

Catsize · 23/05/2014 09:32

It may be of concern that the mother's illness would be a fraudulent reason to claim, of course...

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 09:35

The insurance claim had occurred to us as well although we haven't told mum yet

Bloody hell OP, I was impressed that you came back and apologised but then you go on to say you'll tell your mother about using her as part of an insurance claim - do you never learn?????

TheIronGnome · 23/05/2014 09:48

If I were you I'd be phoning up several times daily for a cancellation, I would then pack for all of you and turn up at the airport telling ds you're going to wave daddy off and see the planes.

Worst comes to worst and you don't get a ticket on standby, but if you do then you're sorted.

Original poster
FlossieLondon · 23/05/2014 09:55

All I want is for my mother to be well as soon as possible, why would I want her to be sick for a month? And if she was the last thing I'd ask of her is to look after my son.

She does have a partner who has taken her off somewhere nice for a few days' rest which I am all for. Her boss and the agency chef he just recruited were ringing constantly with questions, he has taken the calls and told them to sod off. Sounds very controlling I know but she needs rest right now or she will be really in trouble.

OP posts:
Helpys · 23/05/2014 10:05

Have you looked into a Nanny for the week?

bibliomania · 23/05/2014 10:13

I'm with those people who say let it go. I've lost expensive tickets before now, and YADNBU to grind your teeth about it, but ultimately you make the choice about how miserable and stressed you are about it.

You can lose the holiday leave it at that or you can lose the holiday plus experience stress and misery and damage to family relationships. If you can't change events, all you can change is how you deal with them.

I'd suggest lining up a series of little treats for you and DS to have while your DH is away - they don't have to cost a lot. This has happened. You can choose to be okay with it or not.

NaturalBaby · 23/05/2014 10:15

I wouldn't leave my 3yr old with someone he's never met before for a week!

Bearbehind · 23/05/2014 10:19

he has taken the calls and told them to sod off. Sounds very controlling I know

You really have a very skewed view of things OP, that doesn't sound controlling - it sounds like your mothers partner is trying to protect her from further stress- something you might want to consider doing as well Hmm

nipersvest · 23/05/2014 10:27

i doubt claiming on your holiday insurance will work. my mil had to cancel going on holiday on the day she was due to go as sil got herself arrested the evening before and mil had to take custody of 3 grandchildren and deal with social services/police etc.

mil put in an insurance claim which was denied on the basis that mil herself was not incapacitated.