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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still have ds's 5th party?

27 replies

Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 21/05/2014 18:07

FIL is very very very unwell. It's touch and go at the moment actually.

Ds's party is on Saturday. It feels wrong to still have it but otoh there's nothing I or ds can do re FIL and at 5 ds is going to be sad about his grandad but probably not really understand fully. He will understand his first proper party being cancelled though.

It feels so selfish to even be worrying about it but I am because if we are going to cancel I have to let people know.

What would you do? I think if it was my dad I would still want ds to have his party even if I didn't go myself. I don't expect dh to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 21/05/2014 18:08

I sound awful.
I'm not, I'm really not.

Yet the thought of telling ds that his grandad has died plus his party is cancelled is awful.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 21/05/2014 18:10

Have the party. How does your DH feel though?

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/05/2014 18:10

I would still do the party, but ask someone from your side of the family if they would take over the party if you and DH needs to make a quick exit.

chaosisawayoflife · 21/05/2014 18:10

Definitely still have it. Sorry about your fil.

MrsWinnibago · 21/05/2014 18:10

If the worst happens then your DH will need you....having thuoght again, I would cancel it.

Yama · 21/05/2014 18:10

Go ahead with the party. It will not help ds or any member of your family by him being elsewhere.

Gigondas · 21/05/2014 18:10

Would you be able to arrange it alone assuming the worst? Is dh ok with you doing it? I agree that seems a shame and doesn't really change fil condition.

OverAndAbove · 21/05/2014 18:10

I would still have it, particularly if you would manage without your DH there. It would be hard for your 5yo to connect the two things, I think. And I'm sorry to hear about your FIL

CMP69 · 21/05/2014 18:10

Have the party, its sad for you all but he's only 5 [hugs] not MN approved but sod it

MrsWinnibago · 21/05/2014 18:11

The main person in this apart from FIL is your DH surely it's his choice?

Thumbwitch · 21/05/2014 18:12

Has your DH suggested cancelling the party?

I think it's a tough decision but if the party is for DS's friends, not a family one, then you should go ahead. As you say, it would be really hard for him if he lost his grandad and his birthday party in one go.

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 21/05/2014 18:12

No I wouldn't expect dh to do anything or attend. Ds won't go to the hospital anyway so if we cancel ds and I will just be at home all day.

Unless the worst happens. Not sure then.

OP posts:
Pooka · 21/05/2014 18:12

Definitely go ahead with it. You're not expecting your dh to come, your ds is 5 and probably very excited, and you cannot at the moment predict prognosis on FIL.

Even if your dh cannot be there, or FIL does unfortunately die before or on day, I'd still go ahead with the party - a couple of hours of fun and excitement for your ds in the midst of a sad time.

Dh's dad died last year. I know my mother in law would never have expected a grandchild's party to be cancelled had one been prearranged for the time.

TeamEdward · 21/05/2014 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/05/2014 18:14

What would FIL want.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 21/05/2014 18:15

I'd go ahead with the party and ask my very best friend to take over if I needed to leave to be with dh. If it really is life and death I'm sure your friends will happily step in if you ask them.

sittingatmydeskagain · 21/05/2014 18:16

Have the party.

When my Dad was ill, and then died, I found I just had to keep doing family stuff. DS1 had just started school, and his 5th birthday aas two weeks after the day Dad died. It actually felt right to keep going.

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 21/05/2014 18:16

I think FIL and probably mil would want us to have the party for ds. If he was older it might be different but I have a strong suspicion he would be more upset about the party than FIL. He's not that close to FIL really mainly because FIL has been unwell since ds was born and so hasn't been up to taking a very active role.
Ds is close to mil though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 21/05/2014 18:19

I waver between thinking 'of course we should cancel' and 'if we cancel what will we do? Ds can't go to the hospital anyway and we will just spend the day moping around.'

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/05/2014 18:22

Your DS is only five so I would go ahead with the party. It's quite a difficult one though. But if your DH is happy for it to go ahead then just go ahead with it.

CoffeeTea103 · 21/05/2014 18:23

Instead of a party could you not do something smaller, like a day out with treats. It's up to you, but it seems like the timing is insensitive. He will have a birthday every year. Your DH might even feel a bit torn between having to be at the hospital or at the party.

TeenyfTroon · 21/05/2014 19:07

I would have the party, but second the idea of having a good friend on standby to take over if necessary.

My brother became seriously ill the night before my twins' 6th birthday party. My best friend took over while I drove to see him in hospital.

HannerHet · 21/05/2014 19:33

Yes still have the party, as you say you will only be at home doing nothing otherwise. Assuming it's only for a couple of hours? (2hrs is plenty)

Sirzy · 21/05/2014 19:36

If if was an adult party I would say postpone probably. But for a 5 year old go ahead. I am guessing things have been a bi hectic for him because of this so its nice for him to have a few hours of fun

Floralnomad · 21/05/2014 19:39

I'd go ahead with the party ,what does your DH want to do as TBH its his opinion that really matters .