AIBU to worry about where I can live in UK because my DH and DD are not white British

[BlinkMissed]

Name changed for this as just want an MN perspective on this matter. I have a colleague who didn't know my partner is not white and my daughter is mixed (although her skin tone is quite fair) who recently moved out of london to Hertfordshire and was shocked that on her street, an Indian family moved in. She wasn't particularly nasty but just said it was a white area and I got the impression it is why she moved there in first place. Do I have to worry about this kind of thing? My DH says it's would be hard for him to live in a place where there was no diversity and when we have been on holiday to Greece for example, he says he gets stared at for not being white.

Simple answer: sadly, yes.

And if you are Muslim too (or look like you could be one), then goodness, get prepared for the insults and blatant racism. It can be subtle at times, but it is harsh.

You can live anywhere.

It's your friend you need to replace.

She moved to Hertfordshire and was surprised by an Indian family in her street....really? Why would she care and there are plenty in Herts!

I live in the west country (after 22 years in the south east) and I was shocked how few other races I saw at first. I think it's more diverse now more than 10 years on. Having said that, this side of my town is really welcoming. Not sure other side would be as they have an area of not very nice or intelligent people. I think the main issue British people have is lazy people, whatever their background. I may be slightly naive but I hope you have a good experience and I do hope you know that it's not an issue for most of us!

Well she is a colleague not a friend and I think she lives I'm hoddleston is it??? Maybe she is racist but I don't want to life somewhere where it's even an issue. I hate hate racism and can't understand why a skin colour can cause such hatred etc

How utterly horrible of your colleague. Did you say anything to her?

I would only mind if you were a miserable neighbour who didn't like cake, wine, tea or bbq's

Come and be my neighbour, I'm on Cheshire / Staffs border.

Mother
I grew up in the West Country. When I went to school, I left in 1991, there was not one non-white child in my school.
Now, there are even an asian family in my village!

To be honest I think it is your friend rather than the area that you need to think about.

I was born and raised in London and moved to Hertfordshire 6 years ago, I am pretty shocked that your work colleague was shocked that there was a 'non white' family in her area, first of all obviously as that is not a reason to be shocked and secondly because Hertfordshire is multicultural! I don't think it is an issue here, more of an issue with her.

And sadly you will find racist people everywhere.

I didn't say anything back to her as I was shocked and felt sad by it. I didn't know what to say at the time but now I'm thinking of all sorts of good responses! So she is a rude person and is an exception then?

My DH is mixed raced and so are my kids. However they look so fair, both blue and green eyed and blonde hair, no-one could tell. I live in herts and no-one has said anything remotely racist to me in the eight years I've lived here, despite everyone knowing my husband is clearly not white.

However, when I lived in central london I had several situations like the one the OP mentioned. Once a baby friend mentioned she wouldn't send her kids to the nearest school as "it was a brown school." I was so confused at first I thought she meant the colour of the building! Honestly - I couldn't believe someone would actually say such a thing. When I realised just how fucking outrageous she was being, she was nonplussed when I pointed out that my kids would fit right in then, being mixed race. And I've exited a black cab without paying after a cabbie felt the need to share his thoughts on "pakis"

I don't know where you are in herts but not everywhere is full of ignorant racist twats. Honest. I'm not saying it doesn't happen where I live but we've personally not come across it and our neighbours have been lovely (apart from the drunken horror who owns the house next door. Not racist, though, just a common or garden ignorant twat)

i live in what was one of the most racist areas in the country it still is in some areas we have a large indian population in one area a large white in another area muslims have another area really they only mix in the town funny though if you're black you get to live anywhere in the town there are a few grey areas but for the most part we are still segregated

you do need a new friend though as racist as my town is no one ever admits it IRL they claim it just happens that way

No you do not have to worry about this sort of thing.

Britain is a small country and its pretty much multi cultural from top to bottom.

I do not think he would have any issues. I have a tall blonde friend who attracted so much attention in a small town in the middle of china she felt mortified and said she couldn't live there, long term ( her BF was from town). My DD's get madly photographed and jumped on by Chinese tourists at our home town and at world wide tourist spots, they are blonde.

I went to a swimming pool in a very rural Australian town, they all slowly turned to stare at me, like zombies when I went in!

A friend from Sri Lanka is noticing racism in Switzerland..

I think out of most countries ours is very tolerant and trying to be better all the time. I would ignore your colleague.

Not sure what what you mean by living somewhere where it 'isn't even an issue' - sadly it's an issue, albeit with a minority of fools, everywhere. Herts is pretty diverse really, but the reality is that you canâ??t completely mitigate against this sort of bigotry. Just challenge her and choose your actual friends accordingly. Sooner or later fools like these will be the only minority who are discriminated against.

I would say anywhere. There are undoubtedly places where you will be in a very small minority. Outside Glasgow, Scotland is not on the whole terribly diverse. I've lived in my street in Edinburgh since 1990 and I honestly can only recall one non-white family. If you moved here we and the rest of the street would say good morning/good evening if we passed you in the street and we'd all be as distantly polite as we are to everyone who lives in our street.

Oh by "we" I meant not just me but my family and our neighbours. Eastenders it is not.

I have lived in the same city for almost two decades, I know people who find it incredibly racist or wonderfully accepting. I have moved between both groups on several ocassions and I have come to the conclussion that the places in the city that I have found more welcoming to our differences are those where the people are highly educated, well travelled, or who have had a lot of money for various generations.

IMO, the worst places are small villages with very homogenous populations where people have hardly moved around the area where they live, or those were there are a lot of people experiencing financial hardship, they will blame you for stealing their jobs and taxes even if it's blatantly obvious that you are paying more taxes than they will ever do.

Caitlyn, there are loads of folk in Aberdeen who are not 'white Scottish'. The oil industry means loads of immigration.

I'm mixed race and the sad answer is yes you do.

However it's not a simple question of media stereotypes. A Somali, scarf wearing friend of mine was badly beaten last year in Stratford, East London by a group of Muslim men while the public looked on outside the station in the middle of the day. This was because she's been seen a few times walking with white & black female colleagues without head coverings. At her families request since coming out of hospital and recovering from her attack, she no longer goes to Stratford.

I'm about to move to an area where the census tells me the % of ethnic minorities is 0.19 % (I think DS & I will bump that up a bit lol!) yet don't anticipate any problems at all, as we already spend a lot of time there.

It's also very fluid - back in the 80's where I lived up until last year in London was an NF stronghold. It was not great fun being the ONLY ethnic minority at primary school when the dinner ladies used to tell other kids not to play with you! However by the time I left last year DS was fortunate enough to be raised in a totally diverse environment and have friends from several religious, racial and cultural groups - his primary experience was race blind and in the very best way. That same area has changed out of all recognition for the better, though a few dinosaurs remain in odd outposts of local services.

I've never had any problems in Milton Keynes, but my Romanian ex and his flatmates were subjected to levels of abused that truly surprised me when he stayed there for work for a while. I had to rearrange contact with my son so that he could see him in London as at the time they both enjoyed going to parks together and sadly I agreed with his Dad that a simple picnic and trip to the swings might not be safe in MK.

It's a very fluid and complex picture, further complicated by socio economic status. An example of that is the resentment of the council tenants towards their richer incoming neighbours when the Isle of Dogs was gentrified. Tbh this is & not race is a larger risk factor for potential trouble in many cities with all these crazy new developments being thrown up, house prices shooting through the roof and families that have attended the same school for generations suddenly being unable secure places for the newest generation, or decent housing.

LostMyPants I didn't mention "white Scottish" (I don't consider myself Scottish)

I've lived in Aberdeen. It's a great city and Aberdonians are friendly people but it's a very white city.

Hoddesdon?! Ffs that area is multicultural as is the whole flipping area. Your friend is a tit.

Caitlin With all respect I would disagree with you about Edinburgh. Whilst I agree it's not as obviously multicultural as Glasgow I think there nowadays there are quite clear minority communities.

We have a clear Islamic community concentrated around Nicholson Square with several shops and restaurants. The Chinese community is more widespread, but I know of a Chinese church that is popular near the university and of course a large number of foreign students come from Hong Kong.

I could continue, but this is digressing from the OP. I do think there are issues in Edinburgh and yes it's very white, if not very 'local'.

It is sadly still a very real issue.

My DP is black and DS is mixed race. We plan to move out of London and are looking at different areas in the UK, one of the deciding factors will be how multicultural it is. I don't want DS to feel like the 'local attraction' and be the only non white kid in his school. When we have been on holidays to the sticks people have stared like we are a local attraction.

It's not always straight forward racism, but when people are from an area that is almost completely white and have never socialised with anyone that looks different from themselves, there tends to be a lot of ignorance. I don't want to put my family through that so it is something we will be keeping in mind.

I think we must live in a fairly multi cultural area the vast majority of my neighbours are Indian descent either Muslim or Hindu my sons go to a Catholic school about half a mile away there are lots of different nationalities in their school we live in greater Manchester nobody should have to encounter racist attitudes in this day and age .