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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rival 'grabby' thread

31 replies

CharlesRyder · 20/05/2014 21:55

I listen to Radio Berkshire in the mornings.

This morning a couple had contacted the Station to say they had unexpectedly found out they were expecting twins already 30 weeks into the pregnancy.

They said they hadn't had time to buy anything so could the listeners 'donate'. There was a big drive going on for this 'poor shocked family'.

AIBU to think lots of people don't buy anything until the last 10 weeks or so? We didn't. I was stabby.

OP posts:
Callani · 20/05/2014 21:59

In fairness, there's a lady from work who's just discovered she's having twins and literally nothing she had for her first child will work for twins so they're having to replace everything.

Plus there's the realisation that everything (especially childcare) is going to be twice as expensive as you were anticipating and I understand the sudden desire to tighten the purse strings!

I'd be frustrated if they were asking for new stuff, but pleading for second hand twin-able things seems pretty reasonable to me - slightly odd to go on radio maybe, but I think I'd be pretty desperate too!

Brucietheshark · 20/05/2014 22:02

So you were stabby about people being grabby?

And did you feel they were entitled - nay even unhinged?

It's like MN bingo.

Brucietheshark · 20/05/2014 22:02

And YABU for listening to radio berkshire, it's diabolical!

Original poster
CharlesRyder · 20/05/2014 22:03

It wasn't that they'd thought they were having one and then discovered it was twins.

They didn't know there was a pregnancy at all, then a bump had made them suspicious and the bump turned out to be 30 week twins.

I'm not saying their friends didn't need to rally round and help them but it was seriously being portrayed as a national local disaster.

Maybe IABU

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlesRyder · 20/05/2014 22:05

Ahh, but Brucie, I normally love a bit of BBC Berkshire. So up it's own arse it's like a comedy.

OP posts:
2kidsintow · 20/05/2014 22:08

My colleague only found out she was having twins after the first one had been born.

That was a good few years ago, mind.

NormHonal · 20/05/2014 22:08

We donated a load of our old baby stuff to friends who found out they were having twins - they already had one DC and were struggling with the idea of two more in the mix.

BUT, crucially...they didn't ASK. We gave it to them willingly. They already had some stuff, but hadn't planned on doubling up on everything.

(To be fair, our friends have hardly slept at all since the twins arrived. It is fucking hard work, plus all of the extra stress about prematurity, I know someone who lost a twin soon after birth and another who almost did.)

I suppose the thing is "don't ask, don't get". Twins are often premature, right? So you need to have stuff sooner than with a typical pregnancy. But yes, it does sound a bit grabby TBH.

nokidshere · 20/05/2014 22:12

Sounds like a good idea to me. No different to all the freecyclers and the wanted ads - maybe they just needed it quicker

Original poster
CharlesRyder · 20/05/2014 22:17

Really?? Asking people to buy and donate new stuff?? They weren't in any different situation to anyone else starting a family except that they'd found out later than most people do.

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:23

I am very much less shocked by this than by the other grabby thread

Were they actually asking for new stuff or just 'donations' in general...if the latter then it really is in the spirit of Freecycle. I mean to find out you're a couple of months (if that) away from having two kids when you didn't know you were pregnant is pretty gob-smacking is it not. I'm not surprised they're exploring every avenue

UncleT · 20/05/2014 22:48

Um, so basically a couple found out they are pregnant and want people to bankroll them?? YANBU.

CurlyBlueberry · 20/05/2014 23:19

Finding out later is different, as usually people who find out earlier in the pregnancy (or planned it) have time to save up some money, even if they don't buy anything until later. And twins too! Needing two of everything, or double things like a double buggy.

If they were asking only for new things then I suppose they were being a bit grabby, but in all honesty, it sounds like a bit of a horrendous situation to suddenly find yourself in and I have sympathy for them. If people did donate money then they might still buy things second-hand mightn't they?

Icimoi · 20/05/2014 23:23

It won't be 10 weeks to go, will it? Aren't twins usually born a little early?

NotAQueef · 20/05/2014 23:39

Well most people find out around 4-5 weeks so by 30 weeks have had nearly 6 months to plan/save etc. i imagine finding out you are expecting twins at 30 weeks is pretty worrying financially.

wobblyweebles · 21/05/2014 01:51

I imagine they are in shock. No time to save up to cover maternity leave, no baby stuff, quite possibly not living in suitable accommodation (I was living in a room in my MIL's house when I had my first baby and I'd had 9 months to plan things...)

I think going on the radio to ask for donations is a pretty good idea actually.

SweetsForMySweet · 21/05/2014 02:01

It's a bit like those lottery scams, send enough requests for money to enough people and they are bound to get a few who'll fall for it and send them thousands. Did they do well out of the appeal on the radio?

Original poster
CharlesRyder · 21/05/2014 06:53

Yes it sounded like stuff was ROLLING in.

Hope they were genuine not just clever scammers. The station had managed to get some high up person from the Royal College of Midwives on to give them advice.

TBH it wasn't the story or even the request for donations that annoyed me so much as the way the station was treating it. It was at least equal to the gravitas they gave the floods. The story was LEADING the news every 15mins!

Maybe I just need a different radio station!

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 21/05/2014 07:02

Hope they were genuine not just clever scammers

There is that, of course!

Maybe I just need a different radio station!

DEFINITELY that! Though let's face it, the Queen possibly listens to it when she's palace surfing at Windsor, so she may have been able to persuade W and K to lob a few hand-me-downs their way.

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen · 21/05/2014 07:22

literally nothing she had for her first child will work for twins so they're having to replace everything.

Really? I don't think we bought that much extra at the newborn stage. They shared a cot for the first couple of months. We already had a double pushchair for the first two, and I ended up putting Small Twin in a sling anyway, because Toddler wasn't a confident walker yet.

However, roll on ten years, and they are bloody expensive. The other day, I wrote £800 worth of cheques to their (state) primary school in one day. (Y6 residential trip x2 + instrumental lessons x2)

FidelineandFumblin · 21/05/2014 07:33

Grin @ Brucie

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 21/05/2014 07:45

I'd say if you don't ask you don't get. Although it's hardly along the lines of trips/quads/stupidly massive octuplets. I get that they may need a hand sourcing everything as to find out at 30 weeks would be a massive shock, and those twins could. arrive at any time. I spent a long time researching what was and wasn't recommended for my twins before purchasing. We did also have the benefit of having older dc so used most large purchases repeatedly.

What I find hard to believe is that someone who already has one dc, has nothing suitable for twins. The only way this would happen is if they fell into the 'everything oink for a girl' trap and were having twin boys. But even then, we went asking the lines of if we've got it, we'll use it. We bought a double buggy as that was the main thing. Family and friends gave/loaned us a second cot, bouncer and Moses basket. So other than a few more bottles we were pretty sorted. Too many people see babies as fashion accessories rather than tiny humans who simply need love and nurturing.

montysma1 · 21/05/2014 09:32

Twins arent that dear. Got the lot from ebay/gumtree/ikea/charity shops.
Spent buttons.

montysma1 · 21/05/2014 09:32

Twins arent that dear. Got the lot from ebay/gumtree/ikea/charity shops.
Spent buttons.

Koothrapanties · 21/05/2014 09:39

I don't think it's that bad. As long as they didn't ask specifically for new things, I think yabu. It must be a huge shock to find out this late that you are about to have two babies. If that happened to me and dh we wouldn't have a hope in hell of getting the money together in time. We have no disposable income and wouldn't even be able to afford stuff off of eBay etc.

WonderingAllowed · 21/05/2014 09:48

montysma are you a twin mum?

Yes, essentials for twins can be picked up second hand for 'button's perhaps but you still need two of everything and stuff you can't get second hand like bottles, cot mattresses are not cheap.

What is the real killer is the fact that one parent has to give up work in most cases as childcare is too expensive (especially if you have older DC) and the sheer work involved is not conducive to WOHM as well. Having mine (very unexpectedly) buggered us financially. Family doubled - income halved!

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