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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this abuse?

42 replies

madbutnormal · 20/05/2014 13:42

n/c as embarrassed. currently living with dm-my dh died when i was pregnant with dc2-cant move out until i find a house to buy and cant rent as have a dog. i need advice and dont know where to go. dm hits the kids and i am too afraid to speak out as would be out on street-just saw her hit dog with spade. she screams and shouts over things like dc 1 leaving the light on but goes on for hours-shes not my husband so i cant go to wa. sibblings live overseas. everyone thinks she is such a nice person-who will belive me? list is too long and she is over my shoulder so cant explain all but scared of her-had to sell house fast when dh died and took a long time to sort it out as he left no will. why am i so weak/i am on ads and have v bad thoughts about all this. i just dont know if this is ok as in her house and her rules but cant cope anymore. she is just so mean to the dog who i love so much and makes her sleep outside in any weather and beats and shouts at her-cant stand the shouting and nasty things she shouts anymore. i just cant tell anyone in rl-i need a link or something but have to get little one from nursery now-thanks in advance

OP posts:
cardiandcrocs · 20/05/2014 13:47

Oh my God Sweetheart. Yes, that is abuse.

Someone a lot more knowledgeable that me will be along soon, with helpful links.

Big hug for now x

FannyFifer · 20/05/2014 13:49

Yes, yes you can contact womans aid.
Please do so, they can help.

hotfuzzra · 20/05/2014 13:50

At the very least this is animal abuse. Hitting an animal with a spade is not acceptable behaviour.
At worst it is child abuse and domestic violence towards you and your children. Please speak to someone about getting help.
Police or GP will be supportive, and there are charities and refuges who will help you.
www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003
I wish you the very best

FreeSpirit89 · 20/05/2014 13:50

Hand holding from me. What an awful position to be in, and the poor dog too.

Please contact women's aid, they can help.

HeartShapedBox · 20/05/2014 13:51

don't want to read and run.

you need to get out.

now.

contact the police.

she is abusing you all, you, your kids and your poor dog.

Binkyresurrected · 20/05/2014 13:53

This is abuse, you can go to womans aid, they deal with domestic abuse and this is domestic abuse.

There are also people who will foster your dog, when you are a victim of DV, until you have a home to go to, so don't think you have to give him up because you have no were to live.

CuriousOranj · 20/05/2014 13:54

Domestic violence can be carried out by any member of your family, not just your partner. This is from women's aid website:

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.

Please contact them, they can help you and your children.

PrincessBabyCat · 20/05/2014 13:54

Yes, that is abuse. Get out.

I know it might be hard, but your children are more important than your dog. You may need to do the best thing for both you two and give him up for adoption so you can move out and the dog can be in a better situation. Sad

Thanks Hang in there, it'll be better once you're away.

quietbatperson · 20/05/2014 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 20/05/2014 14:03

Ring woman's aid. There are charities who help rehome homeless people and their pets but I forgot their name. They may have some advice. I will try and find them

gobbynorthernbird · 20/05/2014 14:13

You will be able to rent with the dog, it just limits your options. WA will help you, and you dog can be fostered until you're back on your feet.

Whatisaweekend · 20/05/2014 14:18

Is the dog the only thing holding you back from renting? If there really are no places that accept pets, do you have any friends who might be willing to have the dog short term until you can sort out a move? Or may be a local animal shelter or Dogs Trust could take him for a few months?

Then you need to get yourself the hell out of there. You sound absolutely at the end of your tether - have you been to see your GP?

kali110 · 20/05/2014 14:19

Yes it is abuse. Get out before she starts on you.. Get ypur kids and that poor dog out before she kills it.

Berryglitter · 20/05/2014 14:19

Contact wa or your gp/hv etc. I have a friend who fosters animals for people in this situation if you're near me I can put you in contact with her.

Focus on getting all the important documents together this evening, make sure you make that call and go. Clothes/furniture can be replaced, you and your dog/dc can't.

Good luck, you can do this! You will be happy and have a lovely future. Just go x

WaitMonkey · 20/05/2014 14:23

Follow the good advice you've been given and leave. If you can't look after the dog contact the RSPCA, before she kills it. Normal people do not hit living things with spades.

willowisp · 20/05/2014 14:37

Just wanted to add some support to you. If you pm me I might be able to help with the dog (via animal charity/fostering).

Perhaps you could let us know where you are in case anyone is close enough to help ?

LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2014 14:42

Where in the country are you?

There are lots of posters who would help you with your dog and are tactful enough not to beat your mum to death with a shovel

not me

SlimJiminy · 20/05/2014 14:49

Yes. It's abuse. Plenty of good advice here already but just wanted to say that I'm really sorry to hear you're being treated like this after losing your DP and selling your home. Take care Thanks

whois · 20/05/2014 14:49

Better to have the dog re-homed or even PTS than stay in this situation where YOUR CHILDREN ARE BEING PHYSICALLY ABUSED!

Yes it's abuse! Yes you need to get out! Good advice on this thread of where to go and what to do.

puntasticusername · 20/05/2014 14:50

What everyone else said - plus, you are NOT weak. You found the strength to come here and seek help, and soon you will find enough to take the next steps to get you, your children and dog out of this horrible situation.

There is lots of support here for you but really, you are stronger than you now feel Thanks

whois · 20/05/2014 14:51

Love how everyone is focusing on the dog despite the fact the children are being hit...

Branleuse · 20/05/2014 14:51

where are you.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2014 14:54

I didn't even see the bit where she hits the children Shock

Yes, you're all being abused

ICanSeeTheSun · 20/05/2014 14:57

Get put ASAP.

Infact I would be phoning the police and reporting her for animal cruelty.

basgetti · 20/05/2014 15:00

She is physically abusing your children and you are staying because of a dog. Let the dog be fostered, rehomed, put it in kennels for now. Just get out of there.