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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told parents

46 replies

wuckfit · 19/05/2014 20:29

driving down a road today, girl of about 8 was riding her bike no helmet on, rode straight out infront of me I had to swerve. I cpuld of easily knocked her over or had a head on collision with another car.

so I stopped and asked her where she lived and how she should be wearing a helmet and not be cycling on a busy road.

got to parents house and was met with quite defensive attitude about how I should be minding my own business.

so was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
50KnockingonabiT · 19/05/2014 20:33

YANBU I would have done the same.

My dd is 21 and just bought a bike, I made sure she bought a helmet too.

IdkickJilliansAss · 19/05/2014 20:33

No, they were. I'd want to know if my DC was endangering their self and otherw

phantomnamechanger · 19/05/2014 20:34

my kids wear helmets. they are the only ones in the street (ranging from 3 -15) who do. an amazing number of parents seem to think them unnecessary, but DHs saved his life!

that said, I think maybe it would have been enough to shout "be careful", as you should not be asking random kids where they live and following them home!

Casmama · 19/05/2014 20:36

I think you did the right thing and suspect the parents may have been embarrassed but on reflection were probably glad you brought it to their attention.

Fathertedfan · 19/05/2014 20:37

Good for you. Right thing to do.

erin99 · 19/05/2014 20:40

Whether she wears a helmet is none of your business.

Original poster
wuckfit · 19/05/2014 20:41

it would of been if I had knocked her over!

OP posts:
erin99 · 19/05/2014 21:19

I disagree. Did you tell her off for not wearing elbow and knee pads too? High vis clothing? If not, what's the difference?

indigo18 · 19/05/2014 21:23

Head injuries... YANBU Well done.

thebodylovesspring · 19/05/2014 21:24

Not sure you should be asking random kids their home address unless in an emergency.

But I totally understand why you were shook up.

dancinggerald · 19/05/2014 21:29

I was once knocked off my bike and thrown over the handlebars. The helmet I was wearing split down the middle, clean in two, and I was unharmed. I used to be a bit haphazard about remembering to wear a helmet but not after that, and I'll always make sure my children wear them. YANBU.

matildasquared · 19/05/2014 21:32

I'm glad you did it. She will cycle a lot more carefully in the future, that's for sure!

EverythingCounts · 19/05/2014 21:36

Idiot parents. They'd better hope she doesn't meet a less careful driver next time.

erin99 do you seriously need to have the difference between an elbow injury and a head injury explained to you? Hmm

LizLimone · 19/05/2014 21:42

A scary experience for you but if I were the girl's parents I'd have been very uneasy about you asking for her address and following her home. That was totally unnecessary. You're not a social worker and the girl was old enough i.e. not a toddler where you could reason with her directly and say. 'Don't you know you should wear a helmet? / please be more careful' etc.

phantomnamechanger · 19/05/2014 21:45

dancing - same as happened to DH - been riding on the roads for 30+ years accident free, then got knocked off one night on the way home from work - lights working, high vis jacket on, just had the misfortune to encounter a stupid motorist who did not look. helmet cracked clean in half. car windscreen shattered where he hit it full on with his head, lots of minor cuts and grazes on arms and legs, bruised ribs but NO major head injury - A&E said the helmet probably saved his life.

PrincessBabyCat · 19/05/2014 21:46

I would be upset if someone grilled my daughter for an address and she gave it to them. She should know stranger danger by that point.

But that said, YANBU to be upset she was being reckless in traffic like that. I would have talked to her directly or called the police to handle it so you don't look like a stalker or anything weird.

UncleT · 19/05/2014 21:46

Could have been so much worse, sounds like you could have easily hit the child. They should have reacted more responsibly. Still, you never know - maybe they will have actually paid some attention.

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2014 21:49

I would be very worried about a child cycling with no helmet.

As to whether they should be on the road or not, would depend on the size of the wheels and whether they had done a cycling proficiency test I suppose.

I would also be very worried about a child who gives their address out to a random stranger.

You shouldn't have asked her where she lives to be honest, although I can understand your concern.

Athrawes · 19/05/2014 22:00

YANBU.

If she was my child and I had given her a helmet I would have been livid if she had not been wearing it and welcomed a stranger coming to tell me that she, the child, had come close to being dead through her own stupidity.

It takes a community to bring up a child and this type of action could save her life, well done. Meddling saves lives.

The parents were probably embarrassed.

I say this as head injured, still hearing loss effected 20 years later, nearly dead from not wearing a helmet, who had to see my parents at my hospital bedside wondering if their child, me, was going to die, person.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 19/05/2014 22:10

I wouldn't have thought of speaking to her parents but ywnbu to do so.

erin99 · 19/05/2014 22:11

everythingcounts no, my point it's a parent's judgement call. Whether helmets are beneficial or not, or have saved x person's life, is irrelevant to whether it's a stranger's business. Random strangers shouldn't go around chastising children, or their parents, for what they choose to wear on their heads. There is no law about it, arguably because the jury is still out. dancinggerald I can see why that would encourage you to wear a helmet, and I do for a similar reason myself, but eg high vis clothing has a huge role in preventing accidents. That tends to be under-appreciated because not being hit is not an 'epiphany' in the same way as a helmet cracking is. With children, who are harder to see and have less far to fall, in my judgement high vis is really important. But I don't go round telling off strangers of any age for cycling in black T shirts.

Now that my DD is 7 she is allowed to scoot (but not cycle) without her helmet. If someone berated me in the street, or even worse, came to my house to berate me for letting her scoot without a helmet I'd think "mind your own business". The fact it's never happened in her many hours of scooting this year (with hoards of other children also scooting without helmets) make me think it's not a normal thing to do.

SweetsForMySweet · 19/05/2014 22:22

YANBU. The parents are lucky that it ended so well. If it had been someone speeding down the road, she could have been killed. If you had called the cops instead of calling the parents, they could have got child protection services to investigate.

SweetsForMySweet · 19/05/2014 22:25

I thought it was a legal requirement to wear a helmet when cycling in public?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 19/05/2014 22:27

No, of course it's not a legal requirement!

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 19/05/2014 22:32

I think you made the right call. I would've wanted to know if my dd was cycling on the road not wearing her helmet. I don't think its interfering, I think its being a good citizen.

I also tell off teenagers for swearing on buses in front of young children and ask children to pick up rubbish.