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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 40 minutes in the loo is not normal?

29 replies

TooLongInTheBog · 19/05/2014 18:33

Name changed for obvious reasons.

DS is nearly 13. At home he can easily take 15 or 20 minutes in the loo when he's taking a dump. Sometimes he's reading Time Out, but most of the time he's just doing his business. There's no books, phones or other tech allowed in the loo. His dad always took a long time in the loo, so I didn't think anything of it.

He goes to school by himself, but I often collect him. Today he was 40 minutes late out of the gates because he's spent 40 mins in the loos, having a dump. He was a bit surprised at my cries of "Forty minutes in the loo? FORTY MINUTES?!!" when he did eventually emerge.

He doesn't appear to have either diarrhoea or constipation. That's just how long it takes.

...is this normal?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 19/05/2014 18:35

Are you sure he's not doing anything else in there?? Wink

Feminine · 19/05/2014 18:35

I don't think it is normal.

How can it be?

Unless he goes to the toilet when he isn't really ready iyswim?

Maybe he sits there for ages?

FreeSpirit89 · 19/05/2014 18:35

My grandfather used to call it a comfortable one.

Um. I would go with not normal though. Perhaps he was doing something else though?

JennySense · 19/05/2014 18:37

Well. 40 minutes is quite a while, but my DH would happily spend 20 minutes in there - what is it about men and loos?

Topseyt · 19/05/2014 18:40

I would probably have been very annoyed if I was actually waiting for him at the end of school. There's a time and a place if you want to be leisurely about it. At school, and with other people waiting for you to come out is probably not it though, except in an emergency.

Could he have been playing games on his phone and lost track of the time? Kids of that age are attached via umbilical cords to their phones, in my experience.

Original poster
TooLongInTheBog · 19/05/2014 18:43

If he is doing anything else in there (which hadn't even occurred to me - he's not fully hit puberty yet, though I think it'll be soon), well, I wish he'd do it in his room where it isn't inconveniencing anyone.

I'm not sure I can bear to have the Sock Conversation with him, though I've had practically every other necessary sex ed conversation with him. Perhaps I will get his dad to do it. (Better than crusty sheets, and far more easily washed.)

If I bring up going to the doctor about his bowels, that might focus his mind if it isn't his bowels...

OP posts:
Original poster
TooLongInTheBog · 19/05/2014 18:44

Topseyt - no phones allowed in the loo at home, and he doesn't take a phone to school, so not that.

OP posts:
crispyaroundtheedges · 19/05/2014 18:45

we went with the school to Hampton Court Palace with the school... I was a helper.

We had to wait a rediculous amount of time for a boy to do his stuff... he was 8.

I didnt time him but he missed the whole of one session in there.

Groovee · 19/05/2014 18:47

My husband and son will take forever too. Sometimes my dh just sits there for the sake of it.

londonrach · 19/05/2014 18:48

Husband takes a book and that's the last i see of him for 20 mins. I've been old its time to himself. Very ignoring as only got the one toilet. 40 mins is a lot. You sure he not doing something else in there...

CrohnicallyHungry · 19/05/2014 19:35

I have Crohn's, and thought my 20 minutes in the toilet this morning was excessive (yes, I was actually pooing or wiping for the whole of that 20 minutes). 40 minutes is definitely not normal. I'd get him checked out, it might help focus his mind if he's not actually going to the toilet for all that time.

intheenddotcom · 19/05/2014 19:35

Are you sure he was in the toilet at school?

Could he have had a detention and not want you to know? or is he being bullied. I doubt he'd do the 'sock' thing in school.

DrCoconut · 19/05/2014 20:30

My DH can easily spend half an hour in the toilet. He usually decides to go 5 minutes before we are due to leave for somewhere. DS1 is a bit the same. They don't think it's weird. I think it's been ages if I'm 5 minutes.

EverythingsDozy · 19/05/2014 20:32

I would happily spend that long in the bathroom because it's the only peace I get sometimes. And most of the time, DD comes up and bothers me anyway Sad

jeanmiguelfangio · 19/05/2014 20:38

My Dh does this, drives me nuts.
Yesterday I said that it wasnt normal and maybe he should see the dr-he admits he is reading Hmm

Original poster
TooLongInTheBog · 20/05/2014 09:12

intheend I'm pretty sure neither a detention, nor bullied, but that was good for me to consider if that was a possibility, as I hadn't thought about either, thanks.

OP posts:
momb · 20/05/2014 09:20

hahaha!
My DD is exactly the same and a similar age. Just zones out and lets her mind drift. Sometimes it's the bathroom, sometimes it's after she's finished eating if she's alone at the table, anywhere undisturbed.

Original poster
TooLongInTheBog · 20/05/2014 09:26

Actually, momb, I think you have the solution. DS is a dreamer, and can drift off inside his own head for an absolute age. So I shouldn't be surprised he can sit there, dreaming, on the loo.

OP posts:
calculatorsatdawn · 20/05/2014 09:56

If DP is anything go to by the 40 mins would be one of his longer sessions but not out of the ordinary. He reads stuff on the internet on his phone apparently

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 20/05/2014 10:11

I have trouble going. This is TMI but I know it's there but I have to wait for the sensation to push IYSWIM? I can strain as much as I can, until it happens it ain't going to shift.

I can spend ages on the loo as a result

hillyhilly · 20/05/2014 10:35

My ds is 6 and is exactly the same. Thankfully, he is generally at home when he goes, but we did lose him on a campsite a couple of weeks ago only to find his bike parked outside the toilet block and him inside singing away to himself in the dark (motion sensored lights) totally unconcerned.

LividofLondon · 20/05/2014 10:54

"I have trouble going. This is TMI but I know it's there but I have to wait for the sensation to push IYSWIM?..."

What I'm curious about though is could you be carrying on with your normal activities and wait for that sensation before going to the bathroom?

I do wonder if some people who take ages in the loo (who aren't fart-arsing about on phones/having a wank/reading a book) are preempting the poo, rather than sitting on the loo when it's imminent. I mean, I'll be sat at my PC working and I can feel that I need a shit soon, but I'll wait until I really need one before going to the loo...
*TMI alert...consequently I can shit quicker than it takes me to have a pee, but that could also be something to do with my bean-filled diet. There's no straining required and pushing is minimal, just relax and gravity does the rest. Be gone legumes!Grin

TheCraicDealer · 20/05/2014 11:02

Sitting too long on the loo without 'going' is one of the things that can lead to haemorrhoids. Show him the results of a google image search and you'll never be waiting that long outside school again.

Original poster
TooLongInTheBog · 20/05/2014 11:10

Livid - ha! "Be gone, legumes!" reminded me of that philosopher who allegedly cried "Go to it, peristalsis!" when on the loo.

TheCraic I thought the opposite was true - straining led to piles, not sitting there for an age and letting whatever emerge naturally?

OP posts:
13amielsaoranna · 20/05/2014 11:13

This is how it works for me- Oh I feel like I need a poo, I shall go to the loo, I do a poo, and must be no more than 5 mins.

DH says he's going to go and "try" for a poo, bit weird you either need a poo or you dont, comes out after 20 mins and says " I just couldn't go, only a tiny nugget came out" TMI

Oh and he's not doin anything else in there.

Maybe your DS just feels like there's more to come out, and never feels like he has properly done it all.

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