to request no birthday gifts for 5 year old?

[lapacifica]

Hello All,
Id like to get your thoughts on the topic of birthday presents.
My daughter started school this year and we will invite her whole class to her party.
Last year all her nursery friends came and we were all overwhelmed by the amount of birthday presents.
This year, I would like to say no to birthday presents. I dont want to offend people nor shun their generosity, but I am trying to encourage less materialism at home.
My daughter will get presents from us, and our relatives relatives. She does not need another 20 odd presents, nor do we have that much space at home.
Do you think its OK to say no to presents on the invite? I am sensitive to the fact that this is not the norm and that people like to give presents.
Do you think its OK to ask for a small donation towards Save The Children, a charity we support. My daughter is fine with this,
but will I be offending people. I dont want to come across as a party pooper or being on a high horse.
Your feedback is much appreciated.

In fact if you really are trying to encourage less materialism at home then why aren't you telling relatives not to buy presents and not buying them yourself too?

I understand where you are c

Yanbu. With 20odd people you'll end up with a massive pile of crap.

I think it's a bit mean.
I understand it's a lot of stuff but as someone upthread said they won't have many parties where they're little and get lots of stuff. Itll be iPhones and consoles in a few years.

Ds is nearly 5 and in truth I don't think he's that bothered about the gifts but he's very excited about his party. Nevertheless I wouldn't dream of saying "no presents" given that we've been to a million parties this year and taken a present that he's helped choose to every single one. What's the message there? We will give to everyone else but you aren't allowed anything from your friends when it's your birthday. That's not nice. Plus ds has enjoyed choosing a little gift for his friends, saying no presents takes that away from the other guests.

... Coming from but I can't help but think your dd will be gutted! I would just suck it up and later re gift or charity shop as appropriate.

If it helps, we only had a couple of years of these big parties - since about year 2 onwards it's all been much smaller.

In my opinion, yanbu and I would not be offended in the least, in fact I would think your dd was very thoughtful for agreeing with this.

However, my sil feels the same way, and my husband and his father get most annoyed by it and insist on buying my nephews toys anyway. I suppose though it is different with family?

I agree that you can put stuff away and bring it out another time. That's one of the fun things about planning school holiday - a lovely supply of craft stuff, beady things, little lego sets, notebooks, stickers etc that you forgot you had. Things they get aged 5 are rarely wasted!

As someone who grew up with "weird" parents I would urge you not to do this. Your poor daughter will be teased mercilessly and mocked. Do you not remember what it's like to be 5 and how children who didn't fit in were treated?

Just encourage your daughter to take some of the toys she no longer needs to a charity shop if you want to be worthy!

Can you not remember being 5 and enjoying presents?

My dd is five and had the best fun opening all her presents after the party. We are still bringing crafty things out of the cupboard six months later, it's brilliant, she is never bored!

I think YABVU. As poster up thread said, it's her party and she should be allowed to enjoy it, there won't be that many where she invites so many children.

Yanbu, I would do the same. At all the birthday parties we've been to, the presents get handed over and put in a corner so it really doesn't have to be part of a party. Others keep talking about all the nice craft sets, but so far from my experience other mothers seem to be into giving out nail varnish and sparkly lip balm which if dd gets any I have to bin much to her tears, better she doesn't receive it in the first place. However good suggestion about a piece of lego that someone else said, I will try to remember that.

If I give to charity I like to choose my own worthy cause tbh.

Not sure only a big well known charity would be deemed more acceptable. Surely a local children's one would be more appropriate if you were to I down that road.

Wonder if those who think it's a good idea ever had it happen to them as children. Curious.

Miss duke - do we know that the dd has agreed to this or that it was her idea. Or did the op decide it for her and the child had no real house in the matter?

On receiving such a request I would assume it had come from the parents.

I don't understand why people are so affronted about the OP making a decision on behalf of her 5 year old child. As parents we make decisions about what we consider their best interests all the time.

OP- I don't think YABU. It makes me a feel a bit sick to see children opening 20+ presents after a birthday party (and after presents from family and relatives too). Yes gifts are nice, but most children get far too many. The whole birthday party merry go round is a bit much. I'd love it if more parents said "no presents". I haven't been brave enough to do it for my children's birthdays but did do it for their christenings. No one was put out (or at least not to my face!)

I often buy a book token as a gift.

Of course you should not request 'no gifts'. At her age you can discuss with her beforehand all you like but she will not remember or understand when people arrive and they have no gift! Oh, the disappointment, I can't bear to even think about it! Like someone said above, your mistake was to invite the whole class.

I'm making my normal appeal for Canadian sanity. Here, there are things called Toonie parties. Each child brings two Toonies, which is two dollars a coin so four dollars. One goes to charity and one goes to the birthday child so they get maybe $40 for something they really want. They also get to do something nice for someone.

That's a genius idea MrsTP!

It has been really interesting to read your feedback, thank you all.

We all hate having an abundance of plastic tat after our kids' birthdays, but that's what childhood birthdays are about - getting presents. If you take that away then I think you'll be spoiling it for her.

I always have a good (and secretive!) sort out before a party, and cull as many bits of tat as I can, in preparation for the onslaught. Some stuff is broken and gets chucked, some gets taken to charity shops, some is passed on to friends.

If gifts are received that don't get an immediate rapturous response, I may secrete them away for a later date, or even to be gifted on to someone else.

Anyway OP, I doubt you'll be having parties for such large numbers for ever. DS1 is 9 next birthday and wants to take one friend to the cinema. The massive 20+ events don't continue. Let your DD enjoy them while she's young.

Some great ideas and very good advice.
To the angry ones, thanks for not holding back.
There are valid viewpoints on both sides.
Thanks for taking the time, you are all awesome!