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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS (5) have any cake?

31 replies

grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:37

DS (5) has been terribly behaved this weekend. He is a handful at the best of times and I work hard at keeping a lid on it, but this week he has pushed me beyond my limits. I banned TV, tablet and treats all week.

DH's birthday today, I feel like not letting him have any, but then feel really harsh. I would not usually associate food with punishment, but he was just so awful and I had said it before I thought it through. He has been answering back, hitting, shouting, kicking - honestly ashamed of how bad he has been.

He is not well at the moment and I do think the increased asthma meds may have added to his fury.

I can feel a flaming coming on...........cake or no cake?

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 19/05/2014 12:39

Cake.

And find a way to re-instate most of what you have taken away. Too long for a 5 year old, and how are you going to keep him entertained?

theressomethingaboutmarie · 19/05/2014 12:41

Cake, I say. I would be tempted to not allow it, just like you but on reflection, it would stop him participating in a family celebration. I'd make it very clear that he is very lucky that you have decided to give him cake.

Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:42

I know TeenandTween, I was just at my wits end.

TV and tablet will stay gone I think, he has plenty to do, and I will think it through more next time.

OP posts:
Ghirly · 19/05/2014 12:42

Hmmmmm I'd maybe say cake too. But surely by 5 he would know right from wrong so I'm not sure

Pyjamaramadrama · 19/05/2014 12:42

Give him cake. It's Monday so time for a fresh start, each day he can be good and earn back his other privileges.

Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:43

theressomethingaboutmarie - he loves other peoples birthdays, he gets excited about celebrating it. Think you are right.

Why do I say these things!

OP posts:
LookingThroughTheFog · 19/05/2014 12:43

Not a flaming, but I do think you should let him have birthday cake. It's not a usual, everyday treat.

For what it's worth, occasionally my mum has an asthma flareup and she hates the extra meds. She says they make her feel very hyper and agitated.

JoandMax · 19/05/2014 12:45

Cake but stick with no TV or tablet for the week - they are things he can easily do without.

Trollsworth · 19/05/2014 12:45

You've taken away everything you could have bribed him to be well behaved with. If he's on steroids, they will definitely be contributing to his temper.

Don't leave him out of his daddy's birthday celebration, and let him earn back something fun to occupy him while he's ill - and by earn back, I mean reward him for being good for an hour.

You're making life quite difficult for both of you!

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 19/05/2014 12:45

Give him cake because it's a special occasion

Sit him down and discuss ways he can earn his things back - good from after school til bedtime gets something back.
Or if it's more realistic due to possibly being a medication issue: can you manage with only being told of once until bedtime

Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:46

He is definitely agitated. He is poorly and I feel for him I would be grumpy too if I struggled like he has.

back at GP later so might ask them about the behaviour

OP posts:
Feminine · 19/05/2014 12:46

CAKE! for sure.

with his ongoing health concerns you will need to find other ways to let him know how to behave.

I think especially as he has had his meds upped!

A fresh start perhaps?

LookingThroughTheFog · 19/05/2014 12:46

Why do I say these things!

I'm a firm believer in letting them see the occasions you've made a mistake. 'I know I said 'no', but I think on this occasion I was wrong. It's not fair to DH if you can't share his cake with him, so I think you should share. You still need to sort the behaviour out though, and there's still no tablet/phone/TV or whatever.'

Showing that you've properly thought about it isn't the same as just caving and saying 'OK then!' every single time.

Pyjamaramadrama · 19/05/2014 12:46

We all do it, say things we can't see through.

Just explain you're giving him a chance by giving him the cake and expect better behaviour this week.

My ds is 6 and hard work at times.

Hitting and kicking not on though, we have a no hitting rule, sometimes I think with young children immediate punishments work better, so you hit you sit out until you can behave, next time we go home from the park or whatever.

Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:47

His steriods have been doubled. Sad. I feel like a right cowbag now. Poor sod. Cuddle and a chat when he gets home.

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 19/05/2014 12:48

Someone else's birthday celebration isn't something to use for disciplinary action. It's not fair to the birthday person. How would you feel if DH didn't let him eat cake with you on YOUR birthday?

I would kick him outside afterwards to burn all that sugar off though. Wink

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 19/05/2014 12:49

Discuss it with him.

Say you know this isn't his normal behaviour and that it's probably due to his new medication however that doesn't excuse his actions.

Talk him through some techniques on how to manage his rage like walking away, going to a safe space and screaming etc

LookingThroughTheFog · 19/05/2014 12:49

I feel like a right cowbag now.

Don't! You've got a sick child to deal with, and that's bound to be draining for you, bad behaviour or not! You're bound to be on edge. You don't have to be 100% perfect every single time.

Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:50

Pyjamaramadrama - we do time out but this weekend it just exploded. Tried 1-2-3 magic before.

On reflection can see his behaviour has spiralled this week or so and this coincides with meds. DH says I am making excuses for him. Don't get me wrong he is a typical 6 yr old, not listening etc but not normally so aggressive.

OP posts:
Original poster
grumpalumpgrumped · 19/05/2014 12:52

LookingThroughTheFog - thanks that made me cry.

Ok, will start afresh after school. Burning off energy is an issue at moment as as soon as he runs about his asthma starts up, hence back to GP.

OP posts:
moldingsunbeams · 19/05/2014 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEyedGoblin · 19/05/2014 12:58

I really can't see the point in banning things for a week with a 5 year old. Do you really think by Friday he'll remember/care why he can't have something still?

The most I've banned something for is the rest of the day. I've warned that if this behaviour continues, I'll remove the I pad/toy or they won't have the sweets they have for after dinner etc. Carrying it into the next day is just pointless though.

moldingsunbeams · 19/05/2014 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 19/05/2014 13:05

I have no experience of asthma but sympathise as have a just turned 6 year old and we had the overtired, hot and bothered meltdown yesterday. Over dp taking his go at frisby.

You're not a cow bag just human.

Hope you all have a nice day and enjoy the birthday.

canyou · 19/05/2014 13:09

The meds have probably made his behaviour worse, my 3 yro cries and tantrums if we so much as look at him right now due to steroids.
Can he do little jobs to earn back his treats ie make his bed = cake, hang up the bath towels= a tv program, Think of your sanity before removing tv tablets etc when they are ill,
Thanks Wine hope he I'd better soon

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