Pissed MIL and other stories. AIBU to never attend an in-law party again.

[movingalot]

DH's sister's DS had his communion today. DH is away on a work trip, and I was planning to be away too, with DD, so we had said to SIL that we wouldn't be going to the party. Fine.

By way of back story, DH travels with work a lot, so I have attended several IL family occasions without him. It is an effort to socialise with them all when I'm on my own (his three sisters are really close and v cliquey), but DH likes me to go along to kind of 'represent' him. However, there have been two occasions when, because he was away, his family assumed I wouldn't be attending, and made me feel like a stalker when I turned up .

So, my plans changed at the last minute, and I was around after all. I wasn't going to make contact, but DH wanted his parents to see DD as they rarely see her, so I rang MIL yesterday evening to see would I call around at some stage over the weekend with DD. She sounded very enthusiastic, and said that they were busy for the whole weekend preparing for the communion so the easiest thing would be to come along to it. I said, no, as SIL was using caterers, and I didn't want to throw off the numbers by turning up at the last minute, but she insisted, and said that she would tell SIL (MIL and PIL fund all their family events ). I texted SIL yesterday evening to see would it be ok if I popped in to drop off a present and see everyone, bu didn't get a reply.

Surprise surprise, when I popped into the party this afternoon with DD, I was greeted with shrieks of horror that I was there, eye-rolling by SIL, and no recollection whatsoever by MIL of the invite. She had been on the way home from a ladies boozy lunch when we spoke. I was totally mortified as everyone was joking about how I had changed my plans just to go to the party, handed over my envelope full of cash, Irish communion style!, dragged DD off the bouncy castle and legged it. WIBU never to attend another IL event without DH?

You need to tell him OP and say you won't be attending anymore IL events without him. I personally wouldnt even go if he were there if they did that to me.

Utter arseholes.

Irish here too. That's a bizarre story. No need to bother turning up again - those people don't deserve anyone coming to their parties. Let them plan flops.

Bemused at the idea of a communion being in any way associated with bible reading though!

I wouldn't bother going to any more family events with or without dh. You weren't good enough to be there, the cousin of the cjold celebrating wasn't good enough to be there, but your cash was welcome?

And the irony is that it was an event to celebrate a milestone in church membership - great example of Christian tolerance and caring for them to set.

I would tell him when he gets back. In future I would decline invitations. I don't think I'd make any grand statements about future intentions now.

So he gets really defensive about his family but avoids attending family events himself, expecting you to go and suck up the rudeness?

Nice........

Stinkers the lot of them. It was so lovely of you to make the effort to go too. You did the right thing leaving money but you should totally tell dh

Well in future I would suggest that he rearranges his schedule when invitations come from his family.

And that you do the same - in reverse!

Sweet baby Jesus. Who needs an invitation to a family event? Scottish here, I'm bristling just reading that!

hamptoncourt it's honestly not DH's fault, he would have loved to be there and hates missing family events. He is a bit blind to his own family's flaws but then who isn't?!

I would state that it's his family if he wants to be represented he should go same if he wants his mum to see dd he should take her as you feel unwanted there so won't be attending. And I would certainly not be going in future and when asked I would say that I didnt want to feel unwelcome as I have done in the past.

I would tell him, otherwise he'll expect you to go in the future and you won't have an excuse. They were so bloody rude.

I second what OurMiracle1106 said.

You're the wife of MIL's son, mother of her granddaughter and yet you're made to feel unwelcome and an interloper.

Not right, and I wonder how all the other inlaws are treated.

Op his family treated you very badly and he should be mad on your behalf. I reckon he's very aware of their flaws , just chooses to turn a blind eye. He should be supporting you.

I would only attend with your DH. Tell him about it, but full of concern that MIL has a drinking problem. After all, who gets so pissed at lunchtime that they forget they have invited someone to a christening.

You could get a certain joy if you attend events with your DH, of being v. worried about MILs drinking habit. Cock your head to one side if she has a glass of wine and give her a look, if she tries to pour herself another glass, you can ask if she really should given her alcohol issues.

Won't work of course, best option is to tell your DH he's on his own with them.

I read that the op was invited but had other plans.Then decided to go at the last minute.But if Mil told you it was ok and you didnt hear back form Sil i wouldnt have went.Just ell your dp you wont be going to anymore parties ,with or without him.

Also if Mil drinks during the day as long as she hasnt got any kids with her,shes an adult she can do what she likes.

rookiemater