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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go

35 replies

Slongette · 17/05/2014 21:43

DH comes from another country.

We had DS1 in November and as yet he is yet to meet any of his paternal family.

DH is now looking at flights to go to this country - roughly 10hr flight - as He wants to introduce his son to his family.

My DH's family are 'special' and offer little/no support or contact for months at a time - which is fine with me, but I'm really peeved about having to pay about £3k to fly 10ish hours with a 9 month old baby to go and see some people who can't be arsed to come see us.

I know we'll also have to do all the running about and pay for various family members who've made suspect life choices

DH and I have just had a row about DS having his own seat on the plane as this would bump it over £3k. I'm wanting the extra seat as I know DS will be a fidgety nightmare on our laps for that length of time.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go? Surely DH can take DS on his own and I'll have a 2 week holiday at home on my own....?

OP posts:
Joules68 · 17/05/2014 21:46

It's your ds own family ... Yabu

CoffeeTea103 · 17/05/2014 21:53

Yabu, your attitude is so very wrong. Why on earth should he not take his son to visit his family and you just try supporting him. Do you live separate lives with a 'his family, his problem' view on marriage. Sorry but you would rather spend two weeks without your son than make an effort as a family Hmm

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2014 21:56

And you would be happy at your 6 month old going so far away from you to see people you don't particularly like?

Can they afford to come and see you? What do you mean by 'special'?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 17/05/2014 21:59

YANBU for not wanting to go.
YWBU to seek to prevent your DH and DS from going.
I'm not sure about them going and you staying home. I would not have been happy to be without my kids at 9 months but it may be ok for you. YWBU to go, sulk whilst there and make DH feel bad about it though.

tiggytape · 17/05/2014 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MelanieCheeks · 17/05/2014 22:01

You sound a little unreasonable.

What is the airlines policy on 9 month olds?

SuperSophie · 17/05/2014 22:02

He can stay at home in Britain and introduce his son to his family via Skype.

£3000 saved and a ton of hassle avoided.

Or is that too simple a solution?

WooWooOwl · 17/05/2014 22:03

I can completely understand why you don't want to go, but I think that if you've had a child with someone who's family is from another country, then you've pretty much agreed to travel there at some point.

Tell your DH that if he can't/won't pay for the extra seat, then he needs to be the one that has the baby on his lap for the majority of the flight.

Would you really agree to your 9 month old baby being taken on a trip like that without you?

BillyBanter · 17/05/2014 22:06

If you lived in his country wouldn't you want to spend the money going home to visit and introduce your child to your family?

Yes they can come here but presumably there are not just his parents over there, but a whole extended family? And it's his home country. He spends 99% of the time in your country.

Original poster
Slongette · 17/05/2014 22:07

Ok so the last time we went out there we took my SIL, BIL and DN out for dinner - SIL got really drunk and told me I'd get raped and murdered by farm intruders..... Then did a runner. Only to turn up at the PIL house at 2 in the morning shouting the odds and then slapped my DMIL.

There is always drama and I've enough going on already yo deal with their shit as well!

DMIL can afford to fond to the UK. DFIL won't fly and she won't leave him.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/05/2014 22:09

DMIL can afford to fond to the UK. DFIL won't fly and she won't leave him.

And that is unreasonable, why?

arethereanyleftatall · 17/05/2014 22:09

You absolutely don't need to buy an extra seat for a 9 month old.

Original poster
Slongette · 17/05/2014 22:11

I'm totally letting off steam on here - I'd never say anything about his family to his face - they're his family!

He is totally having DS on his lap as he won't pay for the seat.... Hopefully he'll be small enough to fit in a bassinet.

I won't sulk on the holiday - I'll be a good English girl and be polite and nice to DH......

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/05/2014 22:13

My dh is south African. We go there annually to visit his family. As he spends 90% of his time in my country with my family, this is only fair. As it happens I do enjoy it, but I think even if you don't, it's not fair to keep ds from all his paternal family.

cutefluffybunnes · 17/05/2014 22:22

Okay, you have to go. What makes this better for you? Staying in a hotel or B&B rather than with them? Seat for DS? Waiting until DS is over a year old (do you need yellow fever shots where you're going?)? As DS gets older, you might want to revisit that thing about him going alone with DS...

10 hours is a long flight with nowhere to sit DS. I've done it a few times and wouldn't recommend it if you could afford a seat for him.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/05/2014 22:26

You can only get a bassinet if they are less than 6 months old.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/05/2014 22:28

If you buy him an extra seat, it could well be 1k wasted if they want to sleep on you anyway.

Only1scoop · 17/05/2014 22:30

His family are 'special'?

Susyb30 · 17/05/2014 23:15

A bit shocked by your attitude..you would be happy to let your dh take your baby away on a long journey to meet people you have never met..so you can have a "holiday"? Sorry I find that strange! Surely if you love your dh you would want to make effort and meet them, introduce your ds..and as for wanting to be apart from your 9mth old...whats "special" about them?

Susyb30 · 17/05/2014 23:23

Sorry op not read thread properly. . (But still think its strange that you wouldn't want to make an effort and all go together) I could never be apart from my child that long and in those circumstances!

HappyGirlNow · 17/05/2014 23:43

You'd seriously pay extra for a seat for a nine month old? YABU and trying to make a point with this IMO.

BackforGood · 17/05/2014 23:44

Surely it's part and parcel of choosing to marry someone who comes from (and whose family still live in) another country.
He is apart from them most of the time - fact is, he wants to see them, spend time with them, feel he's 'going home', and let his ds get to know his family, and his wider family start to get to know ds.
YABU IMO

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 17/05/2014 23:55

OP, we lived in California when DDs were very young. We always got them their own seat. Even on first flights home at just 3 months old. Their car seats were strapped into aeroplane seat. They slept much better in their car seats than if in our arms.

When DD2 was about 14 months we did short haul flight and I didn't get separate seat for her. She was so cranky at being restrained in my arms during take off and landing.

Many people travel on long haul flights without seat for baby, so it is doable. But if you can afford it, I really recommend buying separate seat for baby.

HappyGirlNow · 17/05/2014 23:59

Plus HE'S the one that moved away from god family.. Why do you think the onus is on them to come and see you???

HappyGirlNow · 17/05/2014 23:59

his family

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