To not want to go

[Slongette]

DH comes from another country.

We had DS1 in November and as yet he is yet to meet any of his paternal family.

DH is now looking at flights to go to this country - roughly 10hr flight - as He wants to introduce his son to his family.

My DH's family are 'special' and offer little/no support or contact for months at a time - which is fine with me, but I'm really peeved about having to pay about £3k to fly 10ish hours with a 9 month old baby to go and see some people who can't be arsed to come see us.

I know we'll also have to do all the running about and pay for various family members who've made suspect life choices

DH and I have just had a row about DS having his own seat on the plane as this would bump it over £3k. I'm wanting the extra seat as I know DS will be a fidgety nightmare on our laps for that length of time.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go? Surely DH can take DS on his own and I'll have a 2 week holiday at home on my own....?

It's not true you can only have a bassinet up to 6 months. My sister regularly flies from new Zealand with 3 kids on her own. Younger babies are given priority but up to a year and they can go in one.

Get a baby carrier he is comfortable in. If he's in that at least you could both grab some sleep even without a bassinet.

We'll ask yourself would you feel the same if it was your family? If not then YABVU.

Don't do it. I flew to Egypt when DD1 was nine months old. That was a five hour flight.

Never.again.

It was a nightmare. Three hours I had to console her for on the way back. And she wouldn't be held by her dad either. My arms were in bits

IF you fly BA (and other airlines might do it, I don't know, which is why I choose to fly BA) then you can get a recliner seat that goes on the same drop-down table as the bassinet would for a smaller baby.

I have just been back to the UK with both DSs (6yo and 18mo) and DS2 was in said recliner seat. No way was I paying for an extra seat before I need to!

We took DS1 from the UK to Australia when he was 10mo, flying BA, same thing. He was fine in the recliner seat.

Whichever airline you are planning on flying with, ring them and ask if they have a similar recliner seat - it makes a world of difference.

And YABU to refuse to go.

Thumbwidth, you do need to be lucky/book early for recliner seats tho- they can only go on front seats and planes have a finite amount of them. If there's more kids than recliner seats on plane, then some won't get them. For the bassinet, the rule is 'until they can sit up', so normally around 6 months. That's BA tho.

I'm a bit of a homebody and wouldn't be keen on taking a baby to a location in SA where rape and murder were a distinct possibility. Could you offer the main family £3k in SA currency? Might buy more than 2 flights...could FIL travel business class (depending on what his medical needs are?)

Or you could go and stay somewhere more secure in town, they could come visit you?

I do always book early, arethey. So far I have always been lucky and got the bulkhead seat with the recliner.

Thanks for all the comments and advice/experience on flying long haul with a small baby.

I'm not refusing to go - DH is in ignorant bliss about my feeling of dread about going out there.

SigmundFloyd I shall take plenty of popcorn and remain as neutral as Switzerland when it all kicks off - because it always does! Family politics are bad enough when it's your own family!

Worriedkat when the first thing your DMIL dies when you get out there is give your DH his 9mil it can tend to make you a bit . FIL just won't leave SA so there's no chance of them coming here and where they live is really quite rural....

Thumbwitch we always go BA so will be on the phone first thing to try and get the bulkhead seat with the recliner. The flights always seem to be night flights so that would be the best solution without having to buy him his own seat.

I think the other reason I'm reluctant to go is, I was always the person giving the parents of small babies the evil eye on planes.... Well karma is a bitch and now I'm the parent with the small baby .

Oh happy days - I'm off to SA is August (that's convincing right!?!)

If you book tickets online now, through BA, you will be able to choose your seats on the flight straight away (at least I could in January when I booked my April trip back to the UK). The seats I chose at the time were the seats I ended up with as well, so that was brilliant.

And 9mo isn't that bad a time to be taking your baby on a longhaul trip - I found that DS2 slept a lot of the time last year, when he was 6mo; this year, OTOH, at 18mo, I was a LOT more bothered - but while he was a PITA when awake, he still slept for quite a lot of the 24h flight. 9h straight on one leg of each journey! So if you're flying for only 10h, and your DS does similar, you'll cope no problem :) (Night flights help with that)