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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be excited about weekends?

50 replies

WanderingTrolley1 · 17/05/2014 07:44

We have a 15 month old and a 13 week old.

DP works long(ish) hours - usually 7/8am - 6pm. I take care of the children all day, every day (and through the nights, too).

Come the weekends, DP wants to know what our plans are. I am exhausted and, to be honest, the only thing I wish for is a couple hours to myself. I haven't said this to DP as I'll get the "I work long hours/everyone else has their life planned/we need to plan our weekends" spiel.

I appreciate that he works hard, but, I don't think he realises how hard it is for me with the children, without a break. Since I had the newborn, I've also been suffering migraine attacks which compounds the issue.

DP wants fun at the weekends, I want rest and calm.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 17/05/2014 07:45

Can you not compromise that Saturday mornings you get a lie in and then go out somewhere as a family late morning/early afternoon then a quiet day at home Sunday?

pinkdelight · 17/05/2014 07:49

Yeah, you say "here's the plan: I'm staying in bed Saturday morning, you go have fun with the kids!"

And in answer to the working long hours sermon, just tell him it's a refuge compared to full-time childcare. And if he disagrees, revert to: then go and have fun with the kids this morning, darling!

Yanbu

BerniesBurneze · 17/05/2014 07:52

I think if not this weekend, then soon you should get out of the house for a few hours by yoursekf. It will do you the world of good.

fairylightsintheloft · 17/05/2014 07:57

er - "I don't know darling, what have YOU got lined up"? Just because he works doesn't mean you are his social secretary. I agree some form of compromise that involves a lie in (one each); some "me" time each either to exercise, shop, chill out with TV or whatever; some family activity, park, soft play whatever; maybe visiting family one or two weekends a month depending on proximity / relationship etc and some chores /DIY. Not all of that every weekend but across a month maybe. We do have our weekends planned because we both work FT and need to work out when things we HAVE to do will get done, around the stuff we want to do.

BankWadger · 17/05/2014 07:58

Oh I thought I was the only one! My kids are a couple of years older but it's been going on since the oldest was wee.

DH wants to do something fun as a family, refuses to take the kids by himself, rarely comes up with affordable ideas. And quite often if I we can't think of anything he flounces goes off to work, leaving me yet again home alone with 2 children to entertain.

puntasticusername · 17/05/2014 08:05

YANBU. I fucking hate weekends. They are much harder work for me than weekdays.

I understand where he's coming from, though. My DH is the same. He works hard all week and wants to have fun with his family at the weekend. And he doesn't really Do just chilling at home, he has to be out doing something special. The phrase "climbing the walls" could have been invented just for him.

puntasticusername · 17/05/2014 08:07

Oh, and HIBU if he really thinks "everyone else has their lives planned". HA.

Squitten · 17/05/2014 08:11

Ask him what he has planned! Tell him you're off out for the morning.

You are allowed your own life sometimes you know

meganorks · 17/05/2014 08:17

Personally I think it is important to try and do fun stuff together as a family. But you should get him to help a but with the kids without you. I sometimes send DP to the park with both or to the supermarket while I nap or get stuff done. Or sometimes DP is in charge of entertaining toddler while I have baby. Right now baby has gone back to sleep so DP with toddler (I went back to sleep with baby initially)
We also spend time all together though - park, picnic or something or other. Your needs aren't greater than his and vice versa so maybe you should talk about it and work out some compromises.

PicaK · 17/05/2014 08:27

But you are working too - more hours than him!!!
Without a break.

It's such hard work this stage.

I would compromise. You'll plan a family trip out - provided he takes both kids out every sat morning.

Jamdoughnutfiend · 17/05/2014 08:33

Talk to him - nothing will change if you don't. My DH used to be like this - he worked shifts and so was just really excited to be a home with us all together but also had a reasonable amount of time off during the week on his own, I work long hours and occasionally I like to just chill out and do local things without spending 2 hours in the car to go to a random day out the DH has got all excited about - the kids hated being stuck in the car and would have been as happy to just to to the local park.

Has got much better since he moved to working 5 days a week Mon-Fri, he realises everyone needs a bit of alone time AND family time and now we plan and talk about what we want to do as a family and individually.

Just have a chat and make a plan - BTW he has also has got loads better about taking the girls places on his own - but gets all worked up about taking them to the toilet when out (DD2 potty training at the mo) but is a work in progress

Lioninthesun · 17/05/2014 08:34

Agree with other posters saying he can take them out for Sat morning while you catch up on sleep. He can get up with them, dress them and go out for brekkie. You get some shut eye, lazy brunch infront of TV and if you are feeling good even half an hour of tidying time (pah! Yeah, right!). Otherwise you may as well be an LP like me! C'mon, these men must be useful for something! Grin

Chocolateteabag · 17/05/2014 08:37

You are both working really hard - and both probably have a case of the grass being greener.

You could respond with smart comments but probably better in the long run to show him this thread.
You can plan your weekend to include rests but to keep everyone happy it is a good idea to actively plan them just to avoid that feeling of "wasting them"

BoffinMum · 17/05/2014 08:38

Get in a babysitter for a couple of hours and both have some time off.

PecanNut · 17/05/2014 08:38

When I read threads like this, I find myself thinking,

'but why do you put up with this? Why don't you talk to the man and make him understand your point of view?'

followed by 'Why did you marry the selfish arse in the first place? Did you not have a conversation about life with a baby before you got pregnant? Did you not make clear from the beginning that you weren't prepared to be a domestic slave?'

Sorry OP that's not that helpful to you now, but you just have to stick up for yourself and your own needs better.

YANBU of course. Hope you get some rest this weekend.

susannahmoodie · 17/05/2014 08:50

Pecan that's exactly what I think. The problem isn't with weekends, the problem is with shit husbands.

In terms if low cost ideas....park, beach (we are lucky enough to live in an area where we could fontina different beach every weekend, whatever the weather, and dcs love it). Take a picnic.

I know it has an initial outlay but but national trust membership has been an amazing buy. There are 4 sites near us and they are all huge with gear play facilities for dcs etc, we rotate which ones we go to and we are not bored yet, in fact we've barely scratched the surface and it's paid for itself many times over.

If weather is really bad then free local museums, pets at home, library, but really i think you just dress suitably and tell your husband to get out.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 17/05/2014 08:53

Really? I work full time and the last thing it want is plan the weekend. He is taking the piss because he is not valuing your work during the week. I would like a social secretary to plan my weekends too. Just turning the table around a bit from someone on the other side.

3yo DD and I are currently in bed, she watching sky go. I am struggling to think what we should do today. I feel guilty she is watching TV, so I will come up with something.

So YABU. Maybe tell him you can plan the weekend if the children goes to nursery a day a week so you have some me time Grin

cerealqueen · 17/05/2014 08:54

I agree with other posters, and would add that you need to nip this in the bid now, otherwise you will be posting in a few years how you are back at work yet your DP leaves everything regarding the family/social/emotional/medical/financial life up to you.

It is also important that he spends some time with the DCs so he bonds with them and gets some understanding of what life is like with two very young children.

cerealqueen · 17/05/2014 08:56

and yes to National Trust too!

OneLittleToddleTerror · 17/05/2014 09:02

What is there in national trust properties for babies and toddlers? Am I missing something? I thought they are just parks and grand houses, with tea rooms.

BoffinMum · 17/05/2014 09:03

Code for National Trust discount and free Friends and Family Railcard here National Trust and Railcards

OneLittleToddleTerror · 17/05/2014 09:04

If those who love it tell me which properties they are, I would like to have a noisy ion the website. The ones around me are underwhelming. I wonder if it's something I missed.

BoffinMum · 17/05/2014 09:05

National Trust has play areas, dressing up boxes, gardens the kids can run around in, special children's menus and equipment, three-wheeler buggies and Hippychicks etc on loan in many places, at Wimpole they have a farm with animals the kids can watch and/or touch, for older kids they have adventure trails and school holiday activities. Really, they are ace.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 17/05/2014 09:08

I can't see on the website the ones around me have playarea. I can't remember seeing them either.

This is the closest one
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/mottisfont/things-to-see-and-do/
No mention if play area. Just gardens.

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