Birthday v hen party

[Gerrygiraffe]

It is DD's 9th birthday in the summer on the same weekend as the proposed date for a friend's hen party which will be a weekend away. I would miss both a family celebration and her party.

I have known my friend a LONG time but not so close recently. I have said I can't go to hen do but she and a couple of others have said I should be prepared to miss DD's birthday as the hen is more important as birthdays happen every year etc.

What do others think? AIBU?

I agree with Dozer about the fact you can't take a random person to a wedding. If you are choosing to leave your dc with your dh, then you go on your own, it's not within your remit to start inviting other people to someone else's wedding!

Generally, I try to avoid hen dos, so the fact I had a ready made reason would be a relief, but, in theory, if there was something happening on any of our birthdays, we would just celebrate the birthday either the weekend before or the weekend afterwards - in itself, that's no big deal.

There is no way I would miss my child's birthday celebrations for someone's Hen Do. No matter whose Hen Do it was. YADNBU. But you can't take a random to someone else's wedding. If she has organised a child free wedding and that makes things difficult for you then you are more than entitled to not attend the event.

I wouldn't feel guilty. My mum wouldn't have gone away on my birthday at that age.

I wouldn't go away on my children's birthdays either.

My children are my priority. I would not miss their birthdays.

Yes they have a birthday every year but each one us different & special due to how quickly they change as they grub up.

Recent events at ds's school where a 9 year old classmate unexpectedly died has taught me to treasure each moment with my children.

Hen dos are not important, they're a glorified piss up.

Hi. Just to be clear I have discussed random plus one with the bride and she has okayed the idea.

I literally know two others going to the wedding; one of those people is the bridesmaid who is pissed off re the hen do.

Not a snowballs chance of me going on a hen night on my DDs birthday, and TBH the attitude of these 'friends' that it's unimportant would make me even less inclined to go.

God, someone really said this to you OP? The gall of some people astounds me!

Not very understanding of them OP, they sound pretty cold and self centered. I don't know any parent who would choose some social event over their own child's birthday.
Don't feel any guilt, you are totally 100% reasonable.

You'd have to live with your upset DC after the event and feel the guilt.
If you miss the hen party you don't have to see your stroppy friend.

So if an adult ( bride) is so upset about you, a friend, not coming to her hen, is it so impossible for her to understand how upset your child will be for you
, the mother, not coming to her birthday!?

YANBU OP- as a child my dad missed a lot of my birthdays due to working in the other end of the country. I am eternally greatful that my dad managed to come to my 14th because he died a month later. You will not get these precious moments back!

at a five dayer in Ibizia. What ever happened to going down to your local pub. You could go on a family holiday for that amount of money.

Hen party v having my eyes gauged out with a rusty nail. Rusty nail wins every time!

Personally I wouldn't bother going to the wedding either.

they've not made it an easy option for you, so why put yourself out for might out with people you don't know - the bride will be too busy to talk to you bar a few pleasantries anyway -

so lot of effort & expense for a crap day/night out where you .won't be missed.

Send her a card & thoughtful personal gift with a nice note explaining why you can't make it & maybes let her know you would like to meet up with her & new DH when she has time