To not enjoy meeting my NCT group

[Londonmummy123]

It's not that they are nasty people or anything, in fact most of them are very nice, even though you do get the odd competitive talk. They are extremely chatty and outgoing (I'm a bit more introvert) and there are constant meet ups/chat etc, a group holiday already planned for the summer, which I know sounds great. But sometimes it's a bit 'full on' if you know what I mean? I do quite enjoy attending the odd thing, but ordinarily I don't think they would be my friends if it weren't for our babies. Also, they seem to have much nicer houses(unbelievably immaculate- I can't ever seem to get mine tidy!) cars/lifestyles/time management etc and I can't help but feel a bit inadequate. I am on medication for pnd and right from the beginning I thought that there must be something wrong with me as they took the whole baby thing in their stride right from the start whereas my baby boy (now 6 months) cried the entire time and I really struggled. I kept hearing "my baby never cries he/she is so happy" etc etc. A lot of the time I find it hard to leave the house on time/ or am too flipping exhausted to do anything apart from looking after my LO. Am I just being a grumpy guts?! I get the feeling they are already starting to be cool with me for not being as commited as everyone else, which is really getting me down. Along with the fact that they are extremely chummy with each other. I know it's really important to have mum friends but I seem to spend much of the time feeling bad that I am not joining in enough X

If you don't have a sure start or a local toddler group. The meet a mum on netmums can be a great place to meet other mums looking for for mummy friends. You can put a bit about your background ect to find like minded mums

I'm glad it worked for you. It is not for me. Horses for courses, KERALA1.

My NCT group has a core sub-group that met nearly every day. I wasn't really up to that at the start, but I still opt in to some meet ups. It's been handy but I don't think I've found any new best friends. I think it's the difference between people who find socialising energising and those who enjoy it but find it draining (me).

There's lots of things on in London that you can dip in and out of for casual interaction if you feel you're climbing the walls. I do this some times (baby groups, singing groups etc ).

Hope you feel better soon.

LondonMummy - I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like you don't quite fit in with the NCT crowd.

I found out when my DS was little that just because you are mums, doesn't mean that you have to be friends. That total cow from school that just had a baby - it doesn't mean that you suddenly have loads in common, and yeah, she's still a total cow.

With regard to their super tidy houses. They most probably have cleaners and spend the week leading up to your visit making sure that you go away thinking they're Super Woman.

Unfortunately, our children often mirror our moods - so if you're stressed or anxious, they're going to mirror this and be mardy and need more attention. This means that when you're in a good mood and calm and chilled, your LO is likely to also seem content. This also means that in my house, PMT week is a battle from start to finish!

Try not to worry about it - leave them on good terms or suggest that you're doing such-an-such if anyone would like to do it with you and go your own way. Perhaps when the children are older and have more individual interests such as sport and dancing, you may meet up with them again and it will be nice to see some friendly faces and a friendship may have a better chance of blossoming.

There are plenty other groups and activities, and websites such as this and Netmums, Cow&Gate and FB groups are a good way to meet other local parents.

I have always worked better with 1-to-1 friendships but now that my DS is 6 and there have been that many birthday parties and the children have all started school, it's quite easy because everyone knows everyone and as I have lots of little friendship groups (a group of 2!) - there's no bitching and falling out :)

I didn't do NCT classes (or in fact any ante-natal classes) but second those who found friends in the local post-natal groups run by the health visitors. I was clueless (with mild PND) and needed to know that others were too before I went mad. More than 3 years on we meet up with the childeren weekly or more and go out as a group in the evening every few weeks. The children have quite literally grown up together and it's lovely to see them at age 3 so comfortable with the others (and trusting of the mothers). If I ever felt it was too full on (as was sometimes the case) I didn't go to a meet but no one ever made an issue of it. That's the beauty of a group in many ways; if you don't want to engage on occasion, you're not letting down anyone because there are always others around. I definitely needed the new mother company becasue it's true that others are not interested in teething, weaning, nappies etc in quite the same way and when it's your life, you need to talk about it.

If they make you feel uncomfortable dont go. I was part of one and stopped going but it was because they would leave me out, push me to the end of the table on meals out and talk over me. Its better to have no friends than be with people who are like that.

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Sounds exactly like my NCT group---circa 1976, probably their mothers.

Find some more helpful friends.