Some men can be knobs at times.

[TerrifiedMothertobe]

Have a fantastic dh, great with kids, great bubbie, love him To Bits. But, sometimes I wonder why men are such knobs.

He loves his iPad, maybe a bit too much. Spends too much time surfing inane crap. Always annoys me. But, tonight I got so pissed when we were enjoying last of sun, glass of vino, eldest ds pottering about and we are chatting. He starts bloody surfing, I make a small protest about being antisocial and he mumbles something about escapism and making inane conversation.

Now, he's not a bad man, but what a twat, I'm so furious/ annoyed/ hurt. I know he probably didn't mean it (he's good at foot in mouth), but, really?

So annoyed, first time in years I've walked off and not spoken to him all night, knob.

But, sometimes I wonder why men are such knobs.

Generalization, much? Women are just as able to tune out and start fiddling about with gadgets and surfing.

Your man might be a knob.

Doesn't mean they all are.

YABU, everyone's a nob of one sort or another

Why did you want his full attention? Weren't you just chatting rather than talking about something specific?

Unless he's the type of person who totally blanks everything else when he's on the computer, which can be quite isolating for the other person.

Is he doing it more than he normally does lately and that's why you've noticed? Are you in need of a bit of attention (which is fine IMO, everyone does sometimes) which could mean he's been a bit distant, or is it more that you were enjoying the moment and wanted to control him to feel the same?

It seems like a bit of an over-reaction on the face of it - we all tune out of whatever our OH is going on about from time to time. If you're tired or stressed or just need to not think about anything, it's hard not to sometimes.

But it sounds like this is a repeated offence - is he just not really engaged with your life?

If you were so pissed I don't blame him for surfing rather than trying to talk to you. But if he's always like that then your DH being a knob doesn't mean that every man is.

YANBU, my DH did this last night. We were having a conversation, which can be relatively rare just the two of us (both work, have 2 young kids). Then he suddenly picks up a phone and starts staring at the screen.

I protest, he says he thought we'd finished talking. . I was very put out.

Ok- so I obviously wasn't so clear!

Picture this- sitting in glorious sunshine, have a glass of wine, just catching up on day as not had chance with kids etc.

Then, he decides mid conversation to start surfing and switch off from conversation.

I'm sorry, but that's bloody rude. And, he has his iPad (which I wish I'd never bought him) almost welded to him. Surely he can spend an hour or two, in the garden with his wife catching ip without surfing for cars or other such unimportant stuff.

Dp and I both love a little surf. I just asked him if mine annoys him and he said no. If his annoyed me I'd probably just say I need you to listen. Having said that, people can be annoying knobs sometimes... not just blokes/women.

You sound hard work.

I surf and converse - dp and I are doing it right now - we dip in and out. It doesn't bother us.

I'm partial to a surf myself. But there is a time and place, and I really believe a Friday night, catching ip for the day over a drink is not the place. And his comment about making inane conversation really pissed me off.

Rant.

Mine does that too. The other night after all was quiet upstairs I poured a glass of wine and sat down next to him on the sofa. We have barely seen each other this week as he's been at work late most nights. He acknowledged my presence, exchange a few pleasantries with me than got back to his ipad leaving me looking at him like a lemon. He maintained he had been doing that before I came down to join him so technically I was interrupting him.

He's right, of course. But still bloody rude and anti-social. And I felt hurt that after a week of barely seeing each other he didn't see an opportunity to reconnect.

We're going through a tough patch atm and stuff like that hardly helps.

He was just switching off and enjoying the sunshine/wine as he wanted to.

It would be a bit controlling to tell him how he should enjoy his down time, would you get off MN if he told you to just because he wanted you to be fully available for sporadic chit chat?

He's relaxing at home not out for a meal with company.

'Have more wine. Chill out.'

Very sensible advice.

I have to admit that I largely ignored dh and sneakily looked at houses on right move while he was going on and on about his boring board meeting earlier. I'm not sure he was listening to me while I was talking about hair extensions a bit later on either. We still like each other. Neither of us are knobs.

While I'm on a rant, how about this? This evening, on his way home, he went to the supermarket. I didn't ask him to. I was making a list of stuff we needed and intended to go tomorrow morning. He came in with a load of bags of random items having not told me he was going (he never does, was finishing work early and thought it was a helpful thing to do) and not soliciting my advice on what to buy. I still need to go tomorrow so how is that helpful? Why not be properly helpful and ring me on the way to ask what I needed? He thinks I am ungrateful for not being bowled over by this show of domesticity.

Sigh.

If his genuine intention is to do something nice so you don't have to toffee, then it is totally heartless a bit off to be pissed off at him for it.

But he should ask you and shouldn't have blown the budget on shit you don't need.

What did he buy? Could he just be enjoying browsing the shop after work and buying munchies things you don't let him get don't normally buy?

If this happens a lot can't you remind him you'll send a list before he leaves work?

My dh does that supermarket thing. I think that probably is a man thing.