to ask for help on my SPIDER EMERGENCY?

[softlysoftly]

DDs are in bed, I'm 36wk pg and exhausted.

DD1 awake still DD2 a light sleeper. There is a MASSIVE spider on their floor which keeps going under the bed then ip onto the duvet and under again.

WTF do I do, I hate them I can't catch it. I could try and hoover it but then DD1 will know and her mattress is onffloor (trying out room sharing and I can't lift her frame) and she also hates them so won't sleep. Also DD2 will wake and she's a nightmare to get to sleep.

But can I ignore it, it's going to do a spidery bastard climb on my babies

Arrgghhh

MY DS used to charge 5 to remove spiders/moths from DD's shared bedroom- they would scream -he would hold out his hand and they would gladly pay! he was twelve, they were 17 and 20! So funny! Could do with him back home for those hairy moths mind!

"I did the London Zoo Friendly Spiders course. It's brilliant...here is a pic of me holding a tarantula."

Pamish, the beast is lulling you into a false sense of security. Make no mistake: you are prey.

To take you down in public would raise too many questions. Zoo officials have had to cover up previous 'incidents'.

To underscore mutual loathing and maintain a proper distance in the human-arachnid relationship, I use a spider catcher which is apparently also designed to catch marauding ladybirds and butterflies of doom.

Thanks jolly. Wondered how long it would be before someone posted a scary picture. Even though it is of plastic spiders! Had to hide them from my screen before typing this and not sure I can come back to this web thread.

@ Jolly, thanks, that's really caring, can I add your work to my website when I get round to updating it?
.

Sorry about that Catsize. It freaked me out a little too, but was useful for practicing with my new spider catcher. The previous one was a vacuum cleaner wand which never worked its magic very well and proved too small bore for the brobdingnagian brutes which sometimes roam our living room (actually looking for mates, rather than my blood, or so I've read – not that it gets them a sympathy vote). There are always books around, so frequently spider went splat before he could get his legs over. I'm kind of ashamed of my attempted genocide, but that's one of the dangers of looking for love in all the wrong places.

Pamish, it's all yours.
I clicked through your series and am impressed. I think I could only do that if the spider was neutered, i.e., certified defanged and thus cured of all bloodlust.

I haven't read the whole thread because I got halfway and it was making my skin crawl. Just thought that all the spiderlovers who say 'what is it going to do?' and 'it won't bite' might like to see this (Tis Mail link, did attempt Sun but you have to sign up to read it all or something). It's not the only such story either, a woman in Hull was in hospital for ages with an enormous pus-filled lump on her leg.

If you are interested in my tale of woe, the other night there was a spider on the arm of the settee. Instead of leaping up screaming as I usually do, I 'bravely' attempted to flick the spider off, reasoning that if I did it quickly enough I wouldn't officially be touching it, thereby preventing it from falling on me .
Yes, I flicked the spider...and it fell into my knitting bag . For all I know it's still there. No knitting has been done.

may be triggering

I saw a brooch the other day in the shape of a realistic looking spider. Who in their right mind would want to wear that? Either you'd constantly be catching it out of the corner of your eye and giving yourself a heart attack, or well-meaning passers-by would be smacking you in the misguided belief that they were 'saving' you.

I would like you all to know that mission:train toddler to like spiders is going well.
I was very brave yesterday.
Playing in a tent in the garden.
'Look Mummy! Spider!'.
'So there is darling. Isn't he beautiful? Let's try to help him back into the garden' and stop him dangling so close to my left ear that I think my heart might just stop in a second or two
So, said spider was coaxed onto the sole of a Doodles shoe, from which it did web dangly things and was put outside.
'There, we like spiders, don't we darling?'.
'Yes Mummy'.
Okay, so it wasn't very big. 1.5cm? But it could have been a baby Huntsman on holiday...

Pixel
I have a beautiful pair of silver spider ear-rings. They are much admired.

I'm sure they are very um...nice, but real spiders aren't silver and you can't see your own ears. This brooch was black and shaped exactly like those spiders that run very fast across your carpet. Honestly it was too realistic! Would be ok for halloween I suppose.

Oh god I hate bloody spiders! Used to be completely incapable of dealing with them. I have been known to wake people at 3am to deal with a spider for me, and on several occasions have forced friends to drive 30+ miles to my place to "catch the big fat face hugging fucker NOW".

I've gotten to be OK with normal-ish sized ones since living alone though. Knowing that there is no immediate rescue, and that if you let it get away you won't know where it is forces you into action. I still shake and sweat and hyperventilate but at least the bastard is gone and I can recover.

Practice does make perfect as well (not that any of my fellow spider haters want to hear this!) the more of them you catch, the more familiar and routine their behaviour becomes. The category ones no longer bother me too much, and I can can deal with a category two with increasing ease, although my god I still hate those bastards with the big black bodies and the thick, shiny black legs. Fuck off you bastards!

For those that wanted to know, I have googled the spindly spiders (cellar spiders) and apparently they're able to kick a larger spider's arse by vibrating the web and luring them in. One has just taken up residence above my bathroom door so I'm keeping him. Small bodies and spindly legs are the least offensive of all spiders IMO.

For those unafraid of spiders; I cannot fathom at all how anyone could be afraid of a dog, or mouse, or rat, or horse, or snake. But they are and I'm only human too, so I try not to laugh too loud while I rescue them be overly mean about it.

Greeboog, I am afraid of sponges. Am I still human?

TMI Alert!

I've told this before on similar threads. A very good friend of mine was really terrified of spiders. Even a single thread of web made her ill. Her GP referred her for NHS treatment which was very successful. It was so good in fact that for some time after she kept tarantulas in glass tanks. They were lovely and she would take a Mexican Red Knee out for a walk. I have photos of it walking up my arm - surprisingly heavy and you could feel the tiny tips of its legs gripping the skin. Really beautiful creatures.

Catsize Er, yes? Sorry, I'm not sure I understand the reasoning behind your question. My last paragraph was making the point that we all have fears that others might find odd.

Phew Greeboog. Was just checkin' like. Innit. I feared that a fear of sponges was just one step too far along the road of irrationality...

Laughing at anyone's phobias is mean. My mum was an arachnophobe and when I was little I occasionally used to tease her by waving spiders at her - feel very bad about it now. A few years ago I flat-shared with a woman who had severe arachnophobia and I became expert at whisking spiders away and chucking them outside without her ever knowing they were there. On a couple of occasions, the spiders were actually on her person.

I asked my husband to make me only one promise when we married. That he would not chase me around with a spider in a tissue like my Dad always did growing up. He knows if he breaks this promise divorce is on the cards!!

Ugh, is it spider season again already? I've seen lots of small ones in our house and have been pretending to myself that there's no chance of seeing a biggie yet. This thread has made me get out my electronic spider scarer and plug it in right next to my bed. I loathe the scampery feckers. This is the scarer, in case anyone's interested.

Interesting about the cellar spiders. (Do they actually live in cellars? I must go and look in ours.) I noticed lots in DH's house when I first met him, and never saw a big fat scary spider there.

Does anyone have any spare cellar spiders, please? Please? (Tried and fails to keep note of desperation out of voice.) I'm happy to come and collect them from any reasonable distance - say, about 6000 miles or so....

I am tempted to dig a cellar, just to get some cellar spiders. Wouldn't they have to come out and play in the lounge though? To eat the monsters?

Do you have a cat? Most of them love chasing and torturing them.

Oh remember OP isn't it bad luck to kill a spider?!

I don't have a cellar and I have what I think are the harvestmen ones (Opiliones) that are sort of related to spiders. They look exactly like the ones in pictures.

I can confirm that there never seem to be any spiders in the vicinity of these creatures. Their favourite places for hanging about are in the bathroom and the toilet/cloakroom for some reason, possibly because they find a lot of their food there.

Oh just remembered in my parents holiday home in country in France. They have mahoosive spiders!

One almost fell on me in bed last year from the wall above the bed (eek), year before one scuttled across my floor in bedroom both were size of Palm of hand! God knows how I slept there!

I have a pint glass specially for the removal of spiders. It has to be a glass so you can be sure they are still in there and haven't escaped on to your person or under some furniture, therefore an ice-cream tub or similar will not do.
Dh once came home in the early hours to find a pint glass in the middle of the kitchen floor complete with massive spider because I'd bravely caught it and then run away . I did leave a note in the doorway so he wouldn't kick it over .
However, dd and I now have it down to a fine art, glass over spider, slide thick card or similar underneath (nothing bendy or it will escape and touch us), run squealing towards front door, dd opens door, I fling spider out into the night (it's usually night), dd slams door, we have hysterics.
Cat sits and watches and confirms the uselessness of his existence.