To not be 100% sure I want to be a policemans wife?

[flux500]

My dh wants to join the police and I'm worried it will mess up mine and the childrens lives.

I know it's his life long dream and although I'm supportive, all I hear is the bad shifts, the constantly being late home, the cancelling of holidays, the high divorce rate....he currently has a not very fulfilling job but it is managerial and well paid.

Does anyone have experience of actually being a policemans wife? I need some actual views instead of what's in the media.

Am I just being really selfish?

Im with rose on the fact as a police wife, you can be essentially a single mum with a husband around sometimes. It works for some, not for all.
Policing is not well paid, so think about that before he gives up a well paid job for it.
My husband is currently grumpy due to his early shifts over this weekend. Its all part and parcel of the job. There is a lot to consider, it can be a worry too, my husband has been assaulted a lot, gets a lot of verbal abuse, you have to be pretty thick skinned.

Looking from the outside in...I'm CPS so work quite closely with the police and the divorce / affair rate is unreal, especially in CID. I thought it was a cliche until I saw it with my own eyes.

name change test

Flux I am a female officer who started 18 months ago in a busy force- I work in a challenging area and I love it- I worked pre children in a very similar role for the MOD. I have 2 children under 5 and find the child care / school run easier.

The good side of the job- I am happier, I love it and to be honest I would have left DP if he had made me choose as it is more than a job for me. I have great friends from the job. The shifts are doable- he needs to eat well and exercise regularly - this helps a lot. I usually am able to grab some lunch and manage to schedule a trip to the loo too.
My colleagues all iron their own shirts and do a lot with the kids. I am meant to be working a day shift this xmas and was offered it off as I have small kids and there are plenty of people who want to work for the ££££. Rarely have a RD cancelled for court. Been on amazing courses and LOVE my job. I know the difference you can make in my job- you have to cling to the reason why you joined- for me it was all about domestic violence.

The down sides
Getting leave can be hard at times. I spend all day/ night sat next to a man/ woman so I don't always want a lot of conversation when I get home. There can be a lot of office politics but you don't need to get involved. Shifts need to be prepared for- I did them a lot in pre children and know you need to look after yourself- bank sleep, eat well and exercise a lot. It can be dangerous. The complaints (as were mentioned earlier) you are vulnerable being in the police- you have to hide your job

One more negative (which doesn't apply to your man) but long shifts are awful when you are on a horrific period and struggle to get to the loo as often as you need to

So here's a RL example... I'm meant to be leaving for work early in the morning and DH doing the school run. Except he's only just got through the door (4am) and is on a night shift tonight so I'll be letting him sleep and taking the kids to school myself. I've got a more highly paid job than DH and things like this can be hugely embarrassing at work, when you're meant to be in at eight but actually rock up at ten!

My dh was in the police for several years. Quite honestly, mainly for his safety and his health, I am grateful every day that he is no longer in it.

I don't think I've posted this before- I read the thread earlier last week and thought what I'm about to write but can't see a comment from me. If I have basically posted twice please excuse me... I'm 33 weeks pregnant and not sleeping and losing the plot!!!!

I lived with a PC and his job was a major factor in our breaking up. I'm a teacher and we were together for 5 years. He was a police officer for the final 2. We honestly sometimes didn't see each other from one Sunday evening through to the next weekend. Communicated via texts and notes on the fridge. He was constantly tired and the job was clearly very stressful. So much so that he drank quite heavily on his rest days to unwind, which he never had pre-police. Because my job was stressful too things went to pot in the house- he thought his job was more important than mine as he was "saving lives" and expected me to do all the cleaning, washing etc but I was a busy second in department, often out of the house for 12 hours a day. They seemed to have it drummed into them at work that their jobs were vital, life saving, front line duties (which of course they are- I'm not deriding that at all) and therefore he needed nothing but rest in his downtime. In my opinion- and maybe this was just his force- it was a bit of a lads club... Very misoginistic, with the idea of the "little lady" at home, which was quite incompatible with my having a stressful career of my own.

I hated it, hated having no one to spend my free time with and as such became like a single woman, out all the time and relying more and more on friends. I eventually fell in love with one of these friends- as I was seeing far more of him than of my partner. I knew I didn't want to have an affair so weighed it up and I left my partner and am now married to the other man..... Clearly, something wasn't right between me and my policeman partner and I'd be doing me and my lovely husband a disservice to say our relationship was based souly on someone else's shifts!! But I think the very fact of me having so much free time and becoming, to be brutally honest, very lonely, meant mine and my partners relationship withered and died.

I certainly wouldn't have wanted that life forever and especially not with children.