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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have invited all the boys to DS's birthday party?

41 replies

MissHoolies · 15/05/2014 20:53

DS is having his 6th birthday party.

The place we are having it has a maximum of 24 children (incl DS and siblings), we didn't want anything bigger as had a whole class party last year and he didn't cope very well, he's very quiet.

DS plus 2 siblings, then a few friends from out of school has meant we can only invite 19 from the class. We have invited all the boys but 5, and invited 3 girls.

DS said he doesn't really play with the other boys, and only wanted the people he plays with the most to come, but I'm worried 'leaving out' 5 of the boys is going to cause problems, aibu?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/05/2014 20:55

How many boys are in his class altogether

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 20:57

sounds fine to me. Let him invite who he wants

Original poster
MissHoolies · 15/05/2014 20:57

There are 18 altogether

OP posts:
Montegomongoose · 15/05/2014 21:12

Not at all. His birthday, his choice.

As long as he knows there might be parties to which he isn't invited.

I don't think it should matter in the slightest!

Loverofcheese · 15/05/2014 21:26

That's fine. Don't worry

Trinovantes · 15/05/2014 21:32

YABU, as it's his party and you aren't obliged to invite anyone to anything if you don't want to. It is a bit awkward, though, as there are so many going from the class. It's one thing not to be invited somewhere out of your class when only a few have been invited, but it's quite another when almost everyone has been invited, and you are one of the very very few who weren't.

You might have been being reasonable, but I'm not entirely convinced you were being kind.

WooWooOwl · 15/05/2014 21:36

I think you've left out enough children that it shouldn't be a problem.

You should still make sure the invitations are given out discreetly though, and it's worth reminding your ds not to talk about it too much at school, because that will encourage others to talk about it and it will be that that might lead to children feeling left out.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 15/05/2014 21:43

I think YABU to leave out 5 boys out of 18.

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 21:44

she hasnt invited most of the class as only 3 of the girls have been invited. It is fine to leave out 5 boys and most of the girls.

Original poster
MissHoolies · 15/05/2014 21:46

I would like to have been able to invite all the boys and a few of the girls but the venue doesn't allow for more than 24 children.

OP posts:
ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 21:48

honestly it's fine to not invite everyone

KiwiJude · 15/05/2014 21:53

It's a tough one. You can only invite 24 kids so you have to cull. You will of course be aware that other parents face the same dilemma if/when your DS doesn't get invited to a party that most of the other kids in his class will be attending.

Original poster
MissHoolies · 15/05/2014 21:58

Technically speaking, it's less than half the class who have been invited. I've been thinking, and talking to DH and I don't think I would be bothered if it was the other way round. Especially if DS didn't really play with the child who's party it was.
If it was a whole class party and DS wasn't invited then I would be upset.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 15/05/2014 22:11

How you would feel isn't really the issue. How would your son feel if most of they boys in his classes refining to a party and he wasn't invited? Mine would care quite a lot...

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 22:15

they do have to learn at some point that they dont get invited to everything. If she doesnt have room for everyone then some have to be left out.

Lucyccfc · 15/05/2014 22:17

It's your DS's party, it's your choice. It's not the end of the world for a few kids who aren't invited.

Trinovantes · 15/05/2014 22:18

Fair enough, ilovepower, but I don't think many of us here would be dying to have our kids get these tough love lessons when they are six!

Like I said, the OP was being perfectly reasonable, but I don't think she was being kind.

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/05/2014 22:18

It is fine. Not all the class have been invited. They will get over it.

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/05/2014 22:19

What else could she do Confused

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 22:20

my ds is 7 and knows he doesnt get invited to everything - plenty old enough to learn. She hasnt left out only 1 or 2 boys and has left out most of the girls.

Trinovantes · 15/05/2014 22:21

Either book a bigger place, so all the boys could be invited (prob not practical, and also possibly expensive), or have the same venue and invite fewer boys from the class, so there isn't the impression that all the boys have been invited except this small bunch of leftovers.

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/05/2014 22:22

Sheesh.

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 22:33

FGS she has picked a venue, her son has picked who he wants to go and that is fine.

Trinovantes · 15/05/2014 22:34

I've already said I think she was being perfectly reasonable, and that she can do what she likes. I am also allowed to think she was not being very kind.

ilovepowerhoop · 15/05/2014 22:37

we didnt invite a couple of girls to one of dd's parties as quite frankly they were horrible to her at school and didnt deserve to go.