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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think hen dos have started to become OTT

60 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 15/05/2014 15:06

My friend is getting married and her sister is organising her hen do.

Get this.

They want to have a 2 night stay in London (we live oop North) in a 4 star hotel, 'pamper session' on day 1 and cocktail making on day 2 before heading on a night out. Before we even pay for travel and drink, this is going to cost...wait for it...£350pp.

THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!

Her sister even used the word 'bargain' in her FB invite Hmm

Were in our thirties FFS, we all have families. Why the need to be away 2 nights and at this price! I don't mind going away for a night my god I do need a child-free day and night somewhere closer to home, but 2 nights with 2 'activities' - OTT. I bloody hate 'spa days' as well, massages are overrated bore-fests of sheer pain and a facial just means my face is spot city the next day. And cocktail making 'lessons' - really? How pointless.

AIBU to think this is excessive and silly or do I just need to get my head out my arse?

May be worth mentioning we've also just paid £350 to book a 2 night stay in the hotel they're getting hitched in. So that's £700 for them getting married before we even buy presents etc. when did weddings become so flippin grabby?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2014 15:08

I don't really understand Hen nights TBH. That is way OTT and to be avoided if possible. Can you decline?

What's the matter with just a nice meal? Is that too boring?

angelos02 · 15/05/2014 15:09

YANBU. I didn't have one.

eurochick · 15/05/2014 15:10

"Started to"? I've heard about hen dos like this for years. Fortunately, none of my friends were daft enough to have an OTT one (and most didn't bother at all).

TheCowThatLaughs · 15/05/2014 15:10

Cocktail making lessons and spas are my idea of hell. And it's very expensive.

CanaryYellow · 15/05/2014 15:11

YANBU. I'd give the pamper session and cocktail making a swerve and go sightseeing or shopping instead.

My hen night was a meal and a night out in the nearest city. Started at 7pm and we were home by 2pm and I thought that was enough!

Fideline987654321 · 15/05/2014 15:11

YANBU. I didn't have one either Smile

Now that we all fornicate and cohabit, I don't really see the point in them.

CanaryYellow · 15/05/2014 15:12

AM - not pm, now that would have been more than enough!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/05/2014 15:13

I've been on quite a few hen weekends away, it seems the norm now. Some have a weekend away and a night out!

My own hen weekend was a trip away, I didn't know anything about it though as it was organised in secret.

I mostly enjoy them, but yes they can cost a fortune and there's no need for that. If you can't afford it though, don't go.

Thurlow · 15/05/2014 15:13

YANBU. I went to a few like this in my 20s before we had houses a children and probably had a much bigger disposable income. Once you have kids and houses, that is a ridiculous amount of money for many people.

I'd so much rather have a nice meal. Even if people live all spread out, just pick a nice town with a reasonably priced hotel and let people come for one night or two, whatever they fancy.

Tbh, I'd reply to that invite by saying that I would love to come to X's hen do but the length of time and the cost is just too much for anyone with children or other obligations. I'd be polite but still get the point across that if they'd chosen something closer to home or cheaper, you'd have been there in a flash.

tryingtocatchthewind · 15/05/2014 15:14

It sounds like a lot of fun but there is no way I would pay £350 for any hen do, even my own. Why don't you suggest a meal in the hen's town for people who can't make it to London?

MistressDeeCee · 15/05/2014 15:14

Bloody hell!!Shock

Sorry, no, I wouldnt be going to that - not even at risk of offending bride to be. What a show of ostentatiousness designed for "look how expensive/posh/plush my hen do was everybody" glory. Actually I think people can have the kind of hen do they want BUT with the sense and sensitivity to take into account the cost to participants; not with an expectation to come up with a very expensive event that everyone WILL pay to be involved in, whether they may have to scrabble to afford it or not, simply because its to do with a friend getting married?

For the record I dont like spa days either. Anything over 1 hour in a spa bores me shitless. Cocktail making Sad. I suppose they're not going to be able to please everybody, though. But £700 to be part of hen do & wedding before gifts have even been bought?! Thats some heavy going...

MissBattleaxe · 15/05/2014 15:18

Don't even get me started.

For one thing, brides get married later in life so they've had years to do spa days and overseas trips if they want to. It's not as if that will all stop when they are married

Secondly- the crazy control freakery that goes on is bang out of order: You must come or you're not a proper friend, here's the schedule of exciting events that you must attend: 1pm spa session, 2pm lunch, 3pm, salsa lesson, 4pm cocktails, 5pm dinner, 6pm something prebooked and pricey, 7pm etc etc

Thirdly: Very often friends of the bride-to-be have families or commitments of their own. They also have a usually expensive wedding to attend. Don't then take the piss by expecting them to use up their holiday fund and annual leave too!

Fourthly, when someone is taking my money and insisting I have a prescribed quota of fun, I immediately want to run away and wear slippers and watch telly at home.

And that is what I think of hen dos. I never, ever accept.

ApprenticeViper · 15/05/2014 15:23

YADDDNBU

That's a hen do on crack IMO. I've been invited on a fair few hen do's in my time, and always avoided any that I knew were going to break the bank (Marbella, St Tropez, Las Vegas anyone? Hmm, I think not!)

I can't understand why anyone needs a hen do of those sort of proportions. Fair enough, an all-dayer in my local city, with champagne afternoon tea, a cocktail masterclass and club entry cost (if memory serves) the best part of 100, but 350 for two nights away before you've bought your train ticket or a drink is totally ridiculous.

squoosh · 15/05/2014 15:25

Pamper session in group situation - boring
Cocktail making session - boring

They've both become such hen weekend clichés.

Tell them to get on airbnb and book a couple of apartments and then just have a fun weekend in London without 'hen weekend approved' activities.

I wouldn't miss a close friend's hen but wouldn't bother with the hassle and expense if it wasn't someone I was particularly close to.

idontlikealdi · 15/05/2014 15:27

I did have a hen do that involved two nights away, we stayed in a hostel and we got gloriously drunk, no spa days or anything quite so civilized. Most of my friends did something similar.

BUT we were 25, no one had kids, no one had settled down and I think it cost about £150.

No one in my group would be able to do anything like that now, we have all have kids and are skint, different times. I think if you are organizing a hen do you need to be aware of who you are organising it for.

So UANBU.

theworkofsatan · 15/05/2014 15:27

How soon is the hen do and when is the wedding? This sounds like a lot of money for things that could be done in a location near to where you live for much less, bearing in mind the cost of the hotel as well. Why London particularly?

SlimJiminy · 15/05/2014 15:29

I've been on some ace OTT hen dos (not my own, which was modest to accommodate friends who I knew wouldn't have the money) and I've absolutely loved them. But I've never felt obliged to go, so if I couldn't afford it/didn't want to spend the money, then have declined with no problems at all. Just say you can't make it. I'm sure she'll understand. FWIW, I don't think it matters whether you have kids or not - if you don't want to spend £350 on a hen do, you shouldn't feel like you have to.

ineedausername · 15/05/2014 15:31

I'm going to my sisters one...
2 nights in edinburgh (2 hr train).
Obviously we have paid accommodation £150 ea
Train £42
Burlesque class £30
Dinner £15 (I insisted on a set menu place!)
Stripper £10

Not to mention all the drinks, treats and extras there will inevitably be!

I also have 2 young children, am a sahm.
It is a lot, but luckily hubby got a good bonus this year and he has a stagger which will be pretty similar.
I'm sure I'll enjoy it, but I'd rather have had a night out closer to home and spent the difference on myself the kids

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2014 15:32

Have you got to dress up in fancy dress? Does the bride to be have to wear L plates and an inflatable condom? or is that old hat now?

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2014 15:33

Sorry-inflatable penis i think it is. condoms are attached to a hat?

squoosh · 15/05/2014 15:34

I don't know anyone who did the L plates thing.

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2014 15:35

It's years since I went on a hen night squoosh. bride wore L plates. Sad

LizardBreath · 15/05/2014 15:35

Just don't go. Not obligatory.

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 15/05/2014 15:36

Thanks everyone nice to know I'm not going totally bananas. We're about to pay for a holiday (which incidentally is only costing us £250 pp for a week in Greece) so it would be a strain to pay for this too. It's not til January so the brides sister helpfully told us "that gives us 7 months to pay it off" Hmm £50 a month though is still a bloody lot.

Wondering if I can buddy up with someone equally as frothed by this and say thanks but no thanks to the spa day and cocktail making, but were off shopping and will just pay for a hotel room for one night and get train back the next day. Like a pp pointed out that could potentially trigger some fall outs! Mind you my friends not like that but her sister is a venomous bitch a bit of a grump. I honestly would never in a million years dream of expecting someone to cough up this much for a frickin hen do!!

OP posts:
theworkofsatan · 15/05/2014 15:36

I can remember the good old days when hens and stags used to go and get a bit pissed in the local town/city, go to a nightclub and then go home (obviously I am very old).

Friends of my DP are getting married soon. Stag do is in Greece somewhere for four days (DP is going) and the hen do is in Spain for an equal amount of time. Luckily I haven't been invited on the hen do as the cost will be 100s and I just couldn't afford it.

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