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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hen dos have started to become OTT

60 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 15/05/2014 15:06

My friend is getting married and her sister is organising her hen do.

Get this.

They want to have a 2 night stay in London (we live oop North) in a 4 star hotel, 'pamper session' on day 1 and cocktail making on day 2 before heading on a night out. Before we even pay for travel and drink, this is going to cost...wait for it...£350pp.

THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!

Her sister even used the word 'bargain' in her FB invite Hmm

Were in our thirties FFS, we all have families. Why the need to be away 2 nights and at this price! I don't mind going away for a night my god I do need a child-free day and night somewhere closer to home, but 2 nights with 2 'activities' - OTT. I bloody hate 'spa days' as well, massages are overrated bore-fests of sheer pain and a facial just means my face is spot city the next day. And cocktail making 'lessons' - really? How pointless.

AIBU to think this is excessive and silly or do I just need to get my head out my arse?

May be worth mentioning we've also just paid £350 to book a 2 night stay in the hotel they're getting hitched in. So that's £700 for them getting married before we even buy presents etc. when did weddings become so flippin grabby?

OP posts:
PenelopeKeeling · 15/05/2014 15:37

It sounds rubbish. I can put make up/nail varnish on myself, thanks, and I already know how to make cocktails - you just throw the required spirits and some ice into a glass. They are both boring cliche hen do things. It is also unfair to invite people to things that might be out of their budget at the mo.

I am almost the first of my friends to get married so I haven't been invited to one yet.

PosyFossilsShoes · 15/05/2014 15:38

Posy's Law: the extravagance of the hen do is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage.

squoosh · 15/05/2014 15:39

There are bound to be others who don't fancy shelling out that much money either. Find out who they are and join forces, tell the organiser that you can only come for one night. Who gives a fig if she sulks.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/05/2014 15:40

Have you got to dress up in fancy dress? Does the bride to be have to wear L plates and an inflatable condom? or is that old hat now

I refused to wear L plates wear a veil or have anything to do with inflatable penis' and condoms. This was 3 years ago.

I did have a sash with 'bride' on and my very own shot glass.

ThursdayLast · 15/05/2014 15:41

I wouldn't go.
I also don't think this is a new thing.
But I literally wouldn't be able to afford a weekend like that, and if I could stretch to it I'd would want yo do it with my own friends/family/partner.
It's a fucked up 'tradition' that's getting waaaaaay out of hand.

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 15/05/2014 15:42

Posy's Law: the extravagance of the hen do is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage.

Grin

I say this about how much the wedding cost - everyone I know who had a £20k+ wedding were separated within the year. That must be some very fucked off parents!

Someone has replied saying they can't go as it's too much and London is too far away. Think I will concur with her, don't like to be the first to back out. Vive la revolution!

OP posts:
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 15/05/2014 15:43

When I've been to expensive ones, I've just ducked out of half the activities (arrived late/left early to the weekend), and that has taken a lot of the cost away. Also if the accommodation is so expensive, is it worth buddying up with someone and booking something cheaper for two of you instead? I don't mind paying a bit more for a hotel for a romantic weekend away, but hate getting stung in overpriced stuff when it's basically just somewhere to sleep on a hen do.

Either way, best to make your thoughts (and alternative suggestions) known earlier rather than later, so sisterzilla can plan around it!

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 15/05/2014 15:43

I did have a sash with 'bride' on and my very own shot glass.

For mine my friend bought me a penis shaped shot glass. 5 minutes later I 'lost' it

OP posts:
LilacRoses · 15/05/2014 15:44

I totally agree with you OP and do my level best to avoid anything like that. I am a bit older so there are not so many hen do invitations now as there used to be but "in my day" they were just a nice meal and maybe a drink at the pub!! I could not afford any of the stuff that people do these days and even if I could I think it is, as you say, totally OTT.

mswibble · 15/05/2014 15:45

Personally I think a lot of brides misjudge just how important their big day is to anyone else. They seem to think everyone is as wrapped up in it all as they are and spending not only hundreds of pounds but also precious AL is what should be accepted. Think there is alot of chief bridesmaids wanting to go better than the previous hen do and going v OTT!

mswibble · 15/05/2014 15:46

Expected not accepted!

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 15/05/2014 15:46

I don't even want one. think they're silly.

Shockers · 15/05/2014 15:47

The last one I went to was in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. The bride had invited a beautician who spent one of the afternoons doing treatments in the sitting room while we all sat in front of the log fire chatting and drinking tea (or wine) before we went for a lovely meal in a local pub. The rest of the time was spent cooing over new born lambs and walking over the moors.

'Twas lovely.

squoosh · 15/05/2014 15:47

I wouldn't call them 'silly', it's nice to spend time with friends. Just some of them can be a bit over the top.

Brummiegirl15 · 15/05/2014 15:47

Don't even get me started - I'm due to go to a hen weekend next weekend and I've already shelled out £260 - but that doesn't include the petrol to get down there - easily £40 plus dinner on the last night out and drinks and cabs for last night. So yep with that it's going to cost £350

However, I have literally just found out I'm pregnant - so I'm debating pulling out. I'm too early to tell anyone and to be honest I don't really want to rock up on a hen do and announce my news.

But it's champagne, cocktail making and spa stuff. None of which is conducive to being preggers. I will be bored shitless by everyone quaffing booze.

So I'm debating just saying I've got a tummy bug and not going. Admittedly it does mean I've just thrown away £250 - but I will save the additional £100 of travel and additional dinner - and the £250 is spent either way whether I go or not.

I feel bad but now I'm pregnant - I am worried about going.

Am I being pathetic? Probably... The amount of money I've almost certainly wasted makes me feel sick. But then to he honest I can't benefit from the booze and spa anyway and at least no one can accuse me of letting them down with regards to the money....

Shockers · 15/05/2014 15:48

Cost about £100 pp for the whole 3 days.

squoosh · 15/05/2014 15:49

That sounds nice Shockers but I'd have to shoehorn in a wild night at a local fleshpot as well. There's only so much cooing I can do.

calculatorsatdawn · 15/05/2014 15:49

YANBU I agreed to go on a hen weekend a couple of months ago which on the original invite said was going to be 150 for everything except getting there (I live at the other end of the country). A bit steep but she's a good friend and it'll be a fun weekend so on balance I thought I'd go.

Got an email from the friend that's organising it saying can everyone please transfer 220 into my bank account, this doesn't cover the cost of dinner on friday, everyone needs a fancy dress outfit on saturday and I'll send out emails allocating everyone something to bring for a picnic on the Sunday.

I don't want to make a fuss but this now means I've had to cancel a weekend away with DP as I can't afford both, he understands and isn't bothered but I'm really quite upset about it. It's put me in a position where I can't now say no but I wouldn't have agreed had I known upfront. I also wonder how many more people a- feel the same as I do that we've had it 'worked across us' a bit and b- how many more people would have liked to have celebrated her hen do but 150 was too much and my friend is missing out on enjoying the company of more of her firends based on the preference of the 1 person that's organised the whole thing.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/05/2014 15:50

I did have a sash with 'bride' on and my very own shot glass

For mine my friend bought me a penis shaped shot glass. 5 minutes later I 'lost' it

Mine wasn't penis shaped! I also specifically requested no strippers. Thankfully I was listened to.

I did however have one of the worst hangovers I have ever had!

Mignonette · 15/05/2014 15:51

I have (thank god) never been on a Hen do. I miraculously manage to be terribly busy the moment the dates for Dublin Prague Champneys various nightclubs skydiving are mooted.

Nothing worse than a gaggle of drunken people wearing stupid clothing talking about men all night.

WyldChyld · 15/05/2014 15:53

Posy - I like that! I'm giving my friends lifts to my Mum's in the country where we're having a grown up sleepover - watching daft films, mixing strange cocktails and eating copious amounts of food. Everyone is bringing something to eat, Mum is doing a massive lasagne and I'm buying the ingredients for Sex on the Beach and Purple Rain - my two favourite cocktails!

OK, we're having quite a big wedding but it's to incorporate the huge amounts of extended family... and WAY under 20k!!

LilacRoses · 15/05/2014 15:54

I would never, in a million years, ask any of my friends to pay hundreds of pounds to come away with me to celebrate my wedding. Unless your friends are loaded I think it is an incredibly inconsiderate thing to do.

AnandaTimeIn · 15/05/2014 15:56

Cocktail making session?

Why pay for that when you can google the recipe?

Yes, the whole do is OTT.

I sometimes see hen do, s in town. They look and act ridiculous especially in matching custom-made t-shirts and the bride wearing a veil

cardibach · 15/05/2014 16:08

Mignonette I don't recognise that description of hen nights - perhaps if you had been in one you might know what they are like...
OP your sounds OTT but it's possible to fun stuff for less as others have said.

Mignonette · 15/05/2014 16:15

I just see the more visible, risible ones I guess - confirmation bias. But large groups of women all together aren't my thing anyway. I am more of a small gathering person and I really dislike drunken behaviour.

I took my oldest friend to Sardinia for her pre wedding treat. Just three of us. She would have hated it to be called a Hen do though.