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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my DH take DS to Wembley?

94 replies

sophe29 · 14/05/2014 11:03

DH football team since childhood (Leyton orient) have just got into the playoff finals at wembley. This is obviously a huge deal for DH but he is desperate to take our DS (5yo) to the final. Its on a Sunday afternoon, kick off at 3pm. We do not live in London so they will have to navigate trains and tubes there and back.

DS has been to a football game already but at our local, very child friendly stadium and enjoyed it but it was obviously very overwhelming for him. He is entering the football obsession phase and football is all he talks about but in a very abstract way that only a 5 year old can. Orient are not his favourite team but does pay attention to them as his they are his dads team.

I really am not happy about DH taking him. I feel he is too young and as it is such an important game there is more chance of the crowd being rowdy and violent. Apparently the Orient supporters stormed the pitch 3 times at last nights game.
I have also been to Wembley and know what an absolute nightmare it is getting in and out of it. Having spent over an hour trying to get on the tube after a Robbie Williams concert and hating all the pushing and shoving that went on, let alone the standing around, I can't imagine what it would be like with a bunch of drunk football supporters who will either be raucously celebrating or pissed off that they lost.

DH thinks Im HUGELY unreasonable for not letting him take DS but it really doesn't sit well with me and I just think 5 is too young.

Does anyone else have any experience of taking young kids to big football matches at wembley or similar? AIBU?

OP posts:

GrassIsSinging · 14/05/2014 12:54

My children have both been going to big football games since they were toddlers, including a couple of play-off finals at Wembley. He'll be fine! Its such a rare opportunity for the likes of Orient (ha ha!) and he'll remember it forever.

London kids take busy tubes and trains all the time, too...and they survive.

Don't be such a killjoy!

CaptWingoBings · 14/05/2014 12:56

YABU.

It's a once in a lifetime moment. There will be absolutely loads of families there. My brother takes my 5yo DC to matches sometimes (not Wembley) and she is fascinated by the experience. He has to cope if she gets a bit bored but it's a lovely thing for them to share.

Asheth · 14/05/2014 12:58

Yabu. We took our DSs (then aged 6 and 3) to a play off final at Wembley. Personally I was very bored but the footie mad DSs and DH loved it. It was very safe - they take security very seriously. As our team lost we didn't stay for the trophy award and got out very easily afterwards. And even as someone who doesn't like football the atmosphere was great - very friendly and no sign of any trouble.

joydivisionovengloves · 14/05/2014 13:00

YABVVVU

This has actually made me angry. How often do you think Leyton Orient get to play at Wembley? It could be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

You obviously know nothing about football or football fans other than what you have gleaned from the sensationalist media. I find your assumptions about football crowds insulting

Also since when do adults in a relationship "let" each other do anything.

TucsonGirl · 14/05/2014 13:02

I can't remember the last time there was trouble at Wembley and certainly not at a lower division playoff final, there will be loads of families there and people who rarely or never go to games.

storynanny2 · 14/05/2014 13:04

It will all be fine. My grandson has had a local team premier league season ticket with his daddy and grandparents since he could walk and has had several exciting trips to Wembly and also lots of events in 2012 at the Olympics with his daddy. He has only just turned 4 and is a real veteran !

RedRoom · 14/05/2014 13:04

YABU. These sort of games are incredibly well policed and stewarded. It will be fully CCTV covered, and there will be bag and body checks, sniffer dogs, the lot.

It will be one of the safest games they could possibly go to.

The issues with transport are inconveniences, not reasons to cancel the visit. I think it's lovely that a dad and young son are having some together time.

ComposHat · 14/05/2014 13:05

YABU - how would you react if your husband tried to prevent you from doing sometheing with your child? He is an equal parent and it shouldn't be for you to gatekeep in this way.

As others have said, you are also BU for stereotyping football fans as violent and drunken thugs. Your view of football supporters seems to be solely shaped by the 1970s. Is your husband a boozed up hooligan? What makes you think the majority of the rest of supporters are any different to him. They will just be people like him, wanting to cheers their team on at Wembley. If it matters at all, Wembley and all the transport routes will be heavily policed.

I also imagine by Orient fans 'storming the pitch' what happened is that at the final whistle fans ran onto the pitch to celebrate with the players, rather than there being any sinister intent.

NoodleOodle · 14/05/2014 13:08

Another vote for YABU

LalyRawr · 14/05/2014 13:09

Oh hey come on now, we're not that bad! This will be the third play off Orient have played in my life time!

Granted, they lost the other two, but third times the charm!

Mckayz · 14/05/2014 13:13

I have been thinking about this since my last post and I read some of the others.

I would be really pissed off with my DH if he said I couldn't do something with the DC. Unless it was something really stupid like climbing Everest with our almost 2 year old. Not going to football.

I can not see a play off between Leyton Orient and Preston/Rotherham getting violent. I watched the Orient game on sky last night and the only storming was the fans celebrating.

storynanny2 · 14/05/2014 13:36

In fact, encourage it, you will get so much "me time" in the future if the football obsession continues!!!! All my boys were and still are football and cricket mad and I really enjoyed my weekends when they were teenagers. Ie a little bit of supportive observing so I could join in the after match discussions and loads of relaxing me time in a quiet house!

glasgowstevenagain · 14/05/2014 13:43

Family day

You all should go....

TheFairyCaravan · 14/05/2014 13:46

YABU. My boys love football but DH won't take them, apart from once, because he hates it. They would have loved a day at Wembley with their dad.

They have seen their team play once because they went on a school trip. The local team has just been promoted for next season so I'll go with DS2 (I'm disabled and can't drive far), DS1 is moving out!

If DH told me he wasn't going to 'let me' do something with my DC I'd tell him to fuck off!

glasgowstevenagain · 14/05/2014 13:46

I would however disagree with the well trained stewards mentioned earlier

Football stewards (stadium assistants) do not require the SIA security qualification and they could be doing their first shift at this game after receiving no previous training.

But I digress.

It will be safe, they will enjoy it.

GooseyLoosey · 14/05/2014 13:55

DH is a Westham fan and has been taking the DCs to Upton Park since dd was around 5 and ds 6. We live several hours away from it. Dd went to Wembley to see the championship playoffs when she was 7.

Dd and ds have always loved the tube and train journeys and people have always been very considerate of them at matches.

They were at the Westham v Man City game on Saturday when City won the league and the City fans all ran on to the pitch. Dd was rivited by it.

We were once sat in the last row of seats before the away fans. WH were playing Man U and their supporters were f'ing and blinding. Dd told them that that language was not nice. After they had got over their shock, several apologised.

I think YABU.

MissMooMoo · 14/05/2014 14:23

yabu loads of familes will be there!
also many many children use the train and tubes everyday in London and survive.

WaitMonkey · 14/05/2014 14:52

YABU, though I guess you know that now by the response to your op.

Kaekae · 14/05/2014 15:03

YABU, your DH wants to take him, I think you should "let" him! I remember my DP taking our DS to a football match when he was 4.5 and he cried and complained throughout the match, they had to leave early!

freemanbatch · 14/05/2014 16:16

YABU I can understand your worry but you can't say no to your DH doing something with his child anymore than he can say no to you.

Another thing to think about is how will your son feel about it? My mother said my dad couldn't take us kids to wembley with him when we were little, 5 7 and 9 so my dad didn't go either, he wasn't going without us. The team won and my mother was never forgiven for making us miss it and she felt guilty for a long number of years so much so that she paid for 7 top priced tickets for us a few years ago when our team were at wembley again

cricketballs · 14/05/2014 16:47

Seeing your team play at Wembley is something your DS will always remember. We took our SEN DS to a FA cup semi final one year (he had been to home matches and got bored 2nd half) knowing that the chances of us ever going there again to see them is very remote . He loved it, enjoyed every moment, every time he sees Wembley on tv he still recalls the day. The travelling was also an adventure given we live in the Midlands. It was well policed, staffed and it was full of families not drunken thugs.

I also am in disbelief that you think its appropriate to stop the father doing something with his DS....

Original poster

sophe29 · 14/05/2014 18:19

Thanks for all the replies. It sounds like those who've been with kids of this age have had a positive experience of `wembley. That is reassuring to hear.

I will think about "letting" them go. No I don't fully trust DH. He is an excellent father and a very clever man but he can do some of the stupidest things sometimes without thinking them through especially when it comes to the kids. A few weeks a go he let a complete stranger take our 4mo other son for a push in the park whilst he played football with DS1. I was walking down to meet them sometime later when i passed a woman with exactly the same buggy and an identical child in it, walking along the street!!!When I got to the park DH was blissfuly unaware she had left with the baby. These are not isolated incidents. He means well and does things in the name of fun rather than thinking them properly through.

I am more than happy for DH to go as I realise what a huge event this is for an Orient fan and Im really pleased they got through to the final.

OP posts:

Original poster

sophe29 · 14/05/2014 18:43

Incidentally the "Storming of the pitch" was how DH described last nights match, not me. Ive no clue what happened. I know football matches are generally fine and there are very few incidents of violence, but Ive already had to explain to DS why the Ref is an "anchor" (wanker) and various other choice chants he has heard at games at our local team matches.

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 14/05/2014 18:55

@ "anchor" ..."the ref is an anchor because once he makes a decision he won't allow himself to be moved on it" ?

fanoftheinvisibleman · 14/05/2014 21:08

My 8 year old ds was one of the people who 'stormed the pitch' atMan City on Sunday! It isn't an act of aggression at this time of year...it is celebration! A steward told dh they'd been given the orders that if city won and the odd person tried then to stop them, but if if was a general crowd mass thing then just go with the flow. So he took ds on and it is pretty much all they talked about afterwards. Dh can now die a happy man

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