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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DH take DS to Wembley?

94 replies

sophe29 · 14/05/2014 11:03

DH football team since childhood (Leyton orient) have just got into the playoff finals at wembley. This is obviously a huge deal for DH but he is desperate to take our DS (5yo) to the final. Its on a Sunday afternoon, kick off at 3pm. We do not live in London so they will have to navigate trains and tubes there and back.

DS has been to a football game already but at our local, very child friendly stadium and enjoyed it but it was obviously very overwhelming for him. He is entering the football obsession phase and football is all he talks about but in a very abstract way that only a 5 year old can. Orient are not his favourite team but does pay attention to them as his they are his dads team.

I really am not happy about DH taking him. I feel he is too young and as it is such an important game there is more chance of the crowd being rowdy and violent. Apparently the Orient supporters stormed the pitch 3 times at last nights game.
I have also been to Wembley and know what an absolute nightmare it is getting in and out of it. Having spent over an hour trying to get on the tube after a Robbie Williams concert and hating all the pushing and shoving that went on, let alone the standing around, I can't imagine what it would be like with a bunch of drunk football supporters who will either be raucously celebrating or pissed off that they lost.

DH thinks Im HUGELY unreasonable for not letting him take DS but it really doesn't sit well with me and I just think 5 is too young.

Does anyone else have any experience of taking young kids to big football matches at wembley or similar? AIBU?

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 14/05/2014 11:34

Personally I think YABU, but by 5 mine had been to football games (with travel) and Leeds Festival.

They will be fine and he'll have some great memories. Let them go.

Toofattorun · 14/05/2014 11:48

OP, your message could have been mine. DH was at the game last night and this morning he told the kids they were all going to wembley. Errr, I'm not happy about that!
I don't want my kids (4 & 7) going to Wembley. It's going to be full of pissheads.

Viviennemary · 14/05/2014 11:53

From what I have heard Wembley is very safe indeed. Your DS should go. It will be a great experience for him.

Joysmum · 14/05/2014 11:53

I'd be fucking livid if my husband thought so little of my judgement as you do of your husband. After that I'd be incredibly sad and hurt.

KatraAllandra · 14/05/2014 11:54

Why do so many people who have partners talk about "my kids" rather than "our kids" and "letting" their partners do something? It suggests that the partners somehow have fewer rights, how would you feel if the situation was turned around and they started saying "their my kids, and I'm not letting you do what you want with them"?

JonathanGirl · 14/05/2014 11:54

I think this a special, one off event, and worth having a tiring day for. It may not happen again, it's not like you can say he can go when he's a few years older.

Watching your team at Wembley is a big deal, a special moment in the history of the club.

My Grandpa was always telling the story of how his father took him to see their team in the FA cup final when he was a young boy - I think he was about 6. It was the first match ever played at Wembley apparently.

They didn't get into the cup final again for years - my grandad "took" my uncle when they did, but I think my uncle was in his late teens and had been to lots of matches on his own, so it wasn't really the same Grin.

LalyRawr · 14/05/2014 12:02

Okay, first of all I was at the game last night, I will also be going to Wembley. DD is 2 & if she was older I would be definitely be taking her, she loves watching football at home but at the moment 90 minutes is too long for her to sit.

Secondly, I have an issue with 'stormed the pitch'. Yes they did run onto the pitch, yes they shouldn't have, but you've put it in the context of violence. The atmosphere was nothing like rowdy or violent. People were fucking happy! For the first time in God knows how long, we have a chance of being in the 2nd tier of football. It's fucking amazing!

Again, they were wrong, but in no way violent. I don't like the assumption that just because they are football supporters they all must violent drunks. I do not drink. I am not violent. I am a football supporter.

Wembley is probably the safest football ground. There will be police, stewards etc & there is no drinking in the stands.

Thirdly, why do you have more of a say in what your child can do than your DH? Do you not trust your DH to look after your child? Do you not think him capable of getting a five year old on a train?

Or is it because he supports football he is a violent drunk incapable of caring for his own child?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 14/05/2014 12:06

I took my six year-old nephew to see Spurs play Liverpool at White Hart Lane. I'd never been to a footie match before and we didn't even have tickets. I innocently thought we could buy them at the gate. We got in and were high up with loads of Dads with their young kids. Nephew was even wearing his Liverpool scarf and received no comments about that or anything else. it was brilliant (well, it was for him but that was what it was all about). We had to be a bit careful in the crowd to and from but that would be true of any large gatherings.

Your husband is a grown adult and if you don't think he's responsible enough to ensure your little boy will be safe, then you have the wrong husband. Nothing bad will happen and you are catastrophising where there is no reason to.

Owllady · 14/05/2014 12:07

It's really well controlled according to my h. If he goes in the car he won't be able to drink, though surely he doesn't normally get drunk in charge of your 5 yr old anyway?

SamG76 · 14/05/2014 12:09

Agree with LalyRawr - it was scarcely a riot. I saw someone coming onto the pitch on crutches and another in a wheelchair! Have never had any issue with kids at games (other than them hearing the occasional swear word). Also agree it is hugely insulting to your husband.

Was at L1 playoff final last year - great atmosphere - no problems at all.

ICanSeeTheSun · 14/05/2014 12:12

I would be very hurt if DH didn't trust my judgement with our DC.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 14/05/2014 12:16

Yabu.

Yes, it will be tiring but these things are a moment never to be repeated and something for him and his dad to remember for a lifetime.

Ds is 8 and has seen his team at Wembley 4 times now and has loved it. He was there on Sunday when his team won the premiership and the quality time football gives him with his dad is priceless. All I can say is that if you had seen how my ds was walking on air sunday night, you'd surely think one tiring day was worth it. We are in Yorkshire so Wembley trips have always been long days but ds has coped and loved it.

Rowdiness is generally good natured. I have been going to football matches for 20 years and can hand on heart say I have witnessed more violence in shopping centres on saturday afternoons than football stadiums!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 14/05/2014 12:19

They will have a lovely time, OP.

DH has taken DS (5) to Wembley and the Emirates. At Wembley, they left at half time because DS was so sleepy!

It was fine, really. Trust your DH to look after him. It's a big occasion for him.

SistersOfPercy · 14/05/2014 12:20

I went to see my team in the Cup Final a few years ago with DH and DS. Long journey, we lost, but a memorable day for us all.
There were so many kids there that day, it wasn't full of pissheads and they were all loving it (aside from the few tears when we lost)

The majority of football fans are pretty decent and considerate of the next generation of supporters.

Paq · 14/05/2014 12:22

YABU. If he's taking him, he's responsible for his safety, enjoyment etc. don't you trust your DH with the welfare of your son?

My DH is planning to take my 6 yo rough camping in the Belizean jungle for two weeks. I can't quite get my head round how that will work but I trust him.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/05/2014 12:23

Yabu

Your partner will be just as vested in keeping your son safe as you are.

Ilovexmastime · 14/05/2014 12:24

YABU

Paq · 14/05/2014 12:25

YABU. If he's taking him, he's responsible for his safety, enjoyment etc. don't you trust your DH with the welfare of your son?

My DH is planning to take my 6 yo rough camping in the Belizean jungle for two weeks. I can't quite get my head round how that will work but I trust him.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 14/05/2014 12:25

Your DH is the one who will have to cope if/when DS loses interest.

Leave them to it and enjoy a quiet afternoon!

Paq · 14/05/2014 12:26

(Sorry for the multiple posting Blush)

HalfATankini · 14/05/2014 12:27

Don't just 'let' him take him but encourage him to take him. My ds2 (who is also 5) has got really into football this year and thank goodness it's been an amazing season for Dh's and his team. I have really, really pushed Dh to go to lots of matches with him. It takes them away for most of Saturday but it has made their relationship much stronger. It's their special thing and I know ds2 will remember those moments for a long time.

Mckayz · 14/05/2014 12:28

YABU! If my DH's team got into the play off finals then I would expect him to take Ds2 with him.

But we are a huge football family and I know just how much play offs mean. My mum is hoping to get tickets to the championship play offs.

CountessDracula · 14/05/2014 12:30

YABU
DD has been going to big football matches since she was 4.
Loads of young kids will be there

Sirzy · 14/05/2014 12:32

Yabu - assuming your DS wants to go, if your really that concerned why don't you go too to look after him?

DS is 4 and has been coming to rugby games since he was a baby, if we get to wembley next season (already out of the running this season) I would take him without a worry.

semolinaandgratedchocolate · 14/05/2014 12:51

YANBU to question this if you're not experienced going to big matches or taking small children to them. It's natural to be a bit concerned in that case but hopefully this thread will have reassured you a bit.

Also, when people talk about how you should just trust your partner automatically - some people can be impulsive and not think things through and have wildly unrealistic expectations of what their children will enjoy or cope with. Some of those people are also parents, and their partners don't necessarily get to relax and 'just trust them' the way most can!

But I think in principle a match at Wembley isn't automatically a scary or inappropriate event for a 5 year old unless you think your dh will be drinking. (I second whoever said why not go yourself, too?)