To think I'm going to have to lose at least 5 stone before I put myself out there?

[biglonelylady]

Have tried online dating and got nowhere, I think it's because of my size. 5 foot 3 inches, and just over 15 stone.

I know some women look good big but I don't.

I'm so lonely though. I'd love to meet someone and it's horrible thinking I'll have to wait months and months until I've potentially lost weight.

imo the wanting to meet someone at my best ( and you admit you arent atm) would spur me on!

I too am very overweight and single. And yes, I know I have to lose at least 3 stone beforer hitting the dating scene.

Trouble is, I don't actually want to date again and so I'm lacking the incentive. I know all the health reasons blah blah blah but my life is pretty stressful and a diet is just one more thing I've got to cope with.

You are not alone. You could always start a dating club for overweight people? There are single overweight men out there too!

I too am very overweight and single. And yes, I know I have to lose at least 3 stone beforer hitting the dating scene.

Trouble is, I don't actually want to date again and so I'm lacking the incentive. I know all the health reasons blah blah blah but my life is pretty stressful and a diet is just one more thing I've got to cope with.

You are not alone. You could always start a dating club for overweight people? There are single overweight men out there too!

sorry for double post - blinking internet!

An overweight friend of mine joined a cycling club that would go away on weekend trips and it did wonders for her self-esteem and the weight just fell away from her. If cycling is not your thing, or not appropriate, some other activity, hiking, swimming, would be a great way of meeting people.

Twitterqueen, I could've written your posts. I totally understand!

Hi OP, I can totally relate to you.

I lost 5 stone recently and have gone down from a 22 to a 12.

I decided to lose weight because I wanted a relationship.

I found the very act of losing weight meant my confidence and attractiveness skyrocketed. Within 2 months of starting to lose weight, I found I was taking care of myself better and attracting more men.

But to be honest I have realised that my weight loss isn't about men, it is about me. I realised that part of the advantage of my fat was to put men off - part of me wanted a relationship, part of me feared intimacy. I felt low and unloveable.

I feel like I have been trapped in ice for years. As the weight has melted away, the real me has surfaced. In all her healthy vibrancy. And that is so much more valuable than looking for a man!

The simple truth is that being a "normal" weight (the normal range is far more expansive than many people think) will give you a wider choice on the dating scene.

But I would really encourage you to lose weight for you - you will find it gives you so much more than a wink on an OD site. Good luck :)

I was also going to suggest joining a gym, a fitness club, a whatever that gets you moving and out there. And meeting people.

Additionally - the loneliness. I get it. Food is about hiding away - all those secret binges at home (if you are anything like me).

When I lost weight, I realised I couldn't do that anymore. I had to get myself out there. There was nothing for me to do at home. I'm not lonely anymore.

I don't have a boyfriend - but I am not lonely.

Thanks for nice replies.

I definitely, definitely could not do anything remotely physical right now beyond a short walk. I am VERY unfit. I may look into this if when my fitness/health improves.

I have friends but as they're all coupled up it's not as simple any more. And also I am lonely in a romantic/ intimate sense if you follow me? Not exactly lonely for friends although I am from time to time as they are all married.

Start with a short walk then. Every day. Even if it is just three minutes. Increase by a minute every other day. In a month you will be walking a mile or so. Your fitness will improve, but not if you don't get started somewhere.

Yes, I know
That thanks, I was posting that in response to people who suggested keep-fit activities as a sort of social thing

Good luck OP take small steps every day and you'll be healthier before you know it.

Thanks it feels v hopeless at the moment, I feel so lonely.

Could you join a group? I hear Weight Watchers is quite good, and not as judgey as you might think I haven't tried it myself, but have heard good things

The main thing is to take positive steps to improve your situation.

things need to move.

I too am ow and would never think of dating like this....you are a product and you need to market yourself well.

bellabrees post has really motivated me, held in ice - great line..

people who don't loose weight are the ones who keep wanting to put it off to tomorrow...start tonight, do some stretches....tomorrow, do a short walk...for the next few days, set an alarm for 5 mins and do light stretches...lift some cans....silly stuff but get moving....and build on it...

I know but it's going to take ages. Ages. And that depresses me thinking of the next seven, eight, nine months alone. And then this makes me want to eat because I feel so, so lonely.

My mum has joined slimming world at the agevof 65 and 19 stone (5'1"). Lost 2 1/2 stone so far and couldn'tbe more proud of her. I love her to bits whatever size she is but I am really loving her new motivated attitude and the fact she is finally starting to take care of herself. She deserves it..bet you do too.

You know what? Your life is happening NOW, don't waste it wishing away your body. Is the man who only wants you if you are a certain size really the man for you ?

I second Mexican's approach, get out there now. But don't invest everything in the dating site, find something that is interesting, stimulating or exciting to you - something creative, intellectual, physical, whatever. Make a lost of all the things you love/used to love/always fancied doing and pick something. You may make friends/meet a man, you may not, but it will improve your self esteem and you will enjoy yourself. Pay attention to looking after your body and health at the same time and it should all come together

In the nicest way, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to move.

if you loose a few stone in the next few months, by july/agust you will already be a little lighter, and feeling amazing!

I too have about 5 stone to shift....probably shifted one and half so far...

your looking too far ahead, focus on the next two months, give yourself a target...

yes all right, I have actually already lost 2 stone, I'm not "just" sitting on my arse feeling sorry for myself, or aren't I allowed to feel lonely and upset?

Sorry that was far sharper than intended. It's just being fat doesn't equal big slob who sits around doing nothing :)

How about doing some things for you - just you and learning to love yourself a little. I think you have to learn to love yourself before you allow anyone else to love you.

I think you need to take it one step at a time and focus on you and having a nice time because you are you. You might not meet the right one but that doesn't mean you can't be happy and at the end of the day if you can make yourself happy a bloke is just a bonus.

Your sound lovely - spend a while making yourself lovely for you.

Yes I know that, being over weight myself.

Well thats amazing your loosing the weight then, I am sure in a few months you will feel ready to start dating.