To not want to give away my baby's things?

[BumpAndGrind]

My DD is 6 months old and has just outgrown her moses basket :( I have moved it and put it under the loft hatch ready to be moved up there when I can be arsed As not to drip feed I should mention that the moses basket was bought by my parents as a gift, from a NCT Nearly New Sale.

Today my Mum asked me if she could have it for my Auntie, I asked her what my Auntie wanted it for and she said she wanted to give it to my cousin, who is currently in her second tri of pregnancy after 4 years trying and a miscarriage in that time too (obviously over the moon for her).

Anyway, as I said no my mum acted as if I was being all unreasonable and reminded me that she paid or it?! I don't think she actually expected me to say no.

I told her that I was saving it for number two and she said 'more fool you, you won't cope with two'.

As it stands, I had severe HG, spent most of my pregnancy in hospital on a drip, lost over a stone and gave birth at 31 weeks. My and DP wanted 2 children, but now we are not entirely sure I can go through it again, I am now high risk for HG and premature birth. We discussed it and said we would keep the baby stuff and revisit the idea when DD turns 2.

Now I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable, but I feel if I lend out one thing, it will become all things and I won't get them back. It's not just for a possible number two either, but sentimental reason too, but I know my mum would poo-poo those reasons.

She has made me feel mean, but can be toxic so my judgement is muddled.

I should also add, my cousin has not asked me directly, my Auntie asked my mum...

Sorry, this is probably a bit longer that it needs to be

[hedgetrimmer]

OP

Yanbu

I have to say all these stories of passing things on and getting them back and giving them to someone else.....that would annoy me,its a bit grabby,oh im having a baby i know youve got one so can i have your stuff.I have been offered things before but i would never ASSUME that just because someone has a child that they will want to give me all their old stuff.

[BumpAndGrind]

Thanks for all the replies, it means a lot.

DP hit the roof when he found out what my mum said. I have high Functioning Autism so there was always the question of how I would cope but DP said he was aware of this before we started TTC and knew there was a chance he might need to help out more than normal. As it is he says I have exceeded all his expectations and thinks I am doing amazingly well (his words).

I just find it a little difficult spending all day with a person that doesn't speak back. I'm sure once she gets a bit bigger I won't find it as tedious (I feel awful writing that - I love her with all my heart obviously)

I am going to message my cousin directly because as you said, I think it was just grandparents getting a bit excited and she probably doesn't even want it.

As for being selfish for taking my nephews stuff, my brother was falling over himself to help me, he was so excited I was having a baby. There were some items of DN's that were sentimental to SIL and I didn't borrow them. Also, he lives around the corner, stuff is less likely to go missing through distance and he definitely isn't planning any more. I would have like to get some of my own things but couldn't bring myself to spend the money when I had DB handing me perfectly good stuff. DN never had a moses basket so I got bought one.

We are going to try and move out asap. My aspergers gives me issues with other peoples houses so private landlords would cause me too much anxiety so I have to wait, but I have priority for medical reasons so hopefully it wont be too long. If we can get together 6 months rent in advance before the council can house us then I think I will be ok in private rent but I will only know once I try, although once I move I will lose all my priority points so it may be counter productive.

I have only ever lived with my parents or had a mortgage, I have never rented.

Sorry if I missed anything. x

[BumpAndGrind]

As for her clothes, I have a keepsake box full of all the special stuff, first vest, the sleepsuit she came home in, first proper outfit, first booties and hat, bib from first time weaning, etc

I would be happy to give away the mountains of other clothes she has, but Dcousin doesn't know the sex yet. Also when DD was born we was given so many clothes as gifts she nearly didn't wear it all so I'm not even sure she would get use out of it. I will message her and ask her.

We aren't overly close. Nothing bad, we just have different personalities and live far apart.

[EagerBeaver101]

YANBU. Its yours with your memories attached to it you should keep it never going to get rid of my babies things their mine I'm going to save them for DGC or a DC2 if you the space to keep all your babies things then keep them its nothing to do with anyone else

[Lanabelle]

could you maybe give her it and ask if you could have it back after your cousin is finished because you are planning another in a year or so?