To be baffled by Gina Ford...

[Writerwannabe83]

My neighbour just leant me her copy of "The Contented Little Baby" book and after scanning various chapters all I can think is WTAF???

I really, really want to laugh at her shit but I'm too Gob Smacked!!

I never went near GF. Was a BF, baby in a sling, co-sleeping mum (not because of labels but because I had a c-section, was in pain, and was lazy)

DD, now 6, has slept very, very well for most of her life. Gets twelve solid hours a night, and has done for years. We chilled out and found our own routine Obviously had the usual disruption of illness/moving house, but she's been great.

The children in her class at school (who were also the children we went to baby massage/yoga/playgroup with- small area) whose parents were very fixated on (in my opinion) overly strict routines, they are quite often the ones who are poor sleepers now.

Some children naturally crave routine, some don't, but I think there has to be a certain degree of leeway, until you find out what best suits your baby. That's my problem with GF books, the leeway doesn't exist, and that causes more problems than it solves IMO

There often seems to be an insinuation from some routine/GF devotees that those of us who don't fancy routines are somehow disorganised, unfocused, lacking goals etc. There is also the idea that "sleeping through the night" is some kind of holy grail that must be achieved as soon as possible or the baby is doomed to poor sleep forever.

Going with your baby's natural rhythm is a perfectly focused and organised goal to have. I also found that one or two night wakings was manageable (although I know this is not true for everyone), and so wasn't overly fussed about this mythical sleeping through.

Oh this takes me back...

That wasn't my insinuation Exbrightonbell. Just the way you read it.

I just think that GF is more suited to people who have those tendencies. People naturally gravitate towards their own tendencies, likes and preferences that's all.

Having a baby who slept through the night did feel like the 'holy grail' for me. A lack of sleep for me meant very severe migraines (that have put me in hospital in the past) and they would knock me out for a whole day or two sometimes. The mantra of 'sleep when your baby sleeps' was also really important for me, so when DS had a morning and afternoon nap, I would too. I was dreading a lack of sleep and lots of migraines, which meant severe headache, feeling sick, confused, slurred speech and not being able to use my left arm due to pins and needles.

It also meant being able to go back to work when he was 10 months old and being able to do my job and functional properly.

I know Gf is not for everyone, but I would never push it on anyone or criticise people. It's each to their own, but for me it was great.

Funnily enough, as DS has got older, my migraines are fewer and are no where near as severe. If I'd have known this was a possibility after having a baby, I would have had one sooner lol.

I used it with my ebf twins and was very happy with it. Got them roughly sleeping and feeding at the same time. I was a complete basket case beforehand, I hadn't slept for more than 2 hours in 2 months.

I don't understand people who say 'I never read it, it's a load of old shit,'. How do you know?

I think the problem is that like so much else about parenting, it feels like an emotive subject. Parents who follow a routine can sometimes feel like they're being accused of not listening to or responding to their baby's needs. Parents who are on-demand sometimes feel like they're being accused of being disorganised and and unfocused.

It's not that at all.

But it is hard to imagine a baby that does things incredibly differently from your baby.

Contented Little Baby worked very well for me and DD. DD slotted into the routine well, and I like routines and lists anyway, so it was great. As the weeks and months went by and I gained more confidence (had a very traumatic birth so confidence in my parenting abilities was fairly low) I modified things. But generally we still stuck to it.

Some babies like it. Some mothers like it. Some don't. If it works for you, then great. If it doesn't, that's fine too.

Hmm, insinuation versus interpretation...who can say which it is. Bit of both perhaps.

One thing I would say is that in other aspects of my life I am highly organised, set goals, use routines etc. Very necessary for my work, and also other aspects of my personal life. However I also felt that when it came to my PFB, I would go with the flow and not be focused on routines and goals. The two things are not incompatible.

Oh why couldn't this thread have come up on New Year's Eve?

Gina Ford is the dog's bollox.

You're not at all unreasonable to be baffled by GF. If it's not for you, it's not for you.

I didn't mind GF myself, but was utterly baffled (to the point of tearing it up, throwing it in the bin, then fishing it out in a fit of guilt and putting it in the paper recycling instead ) by "Three in a Bed" or whatever it's called. It gave me the absolute rage. Which just goes to show that what works for one parent/baby won't necessarily work for another.

To be honest all so-called 'baby experts' are about as bad as each other. They all peddle their own beliefs and, to varying degrees, slag off all the others. I think the best advice to be given to new mothers is probably just not bother reading any of them!

rose - I have been told by do many people to give bottles at night (of formula) so DS will sleep longer and it drives me mad.

If I wanted to FF my baby, I would. But I don't, I want to BF him. I accept that BF tend not to sleep so long but so what? That's part and parcel of my decision and one I'm quite happy with.

As another posters said: why is sleeping through the night such a holy grail that we all must pursue?

I think that for some people it is important. And I am very sympathetic to that indeed.

Well her sleep training has not worked on my furby.

Some like her, others don't. You don't like, no problem but why make a fuss about it

Furbys are easy, you can take the battery out!

Single handedly blame her for my PND. No question.

I deliberately didn't follow books because I am very hard on myself! Gee I felt like a failure because I wanted to stop bfing because it hurt (number two was harder to settle, but fed textbook style). I didn't but cried at every feed that hurt, willing myself onto the next one. It did get easier, but I refused to put a book into all that! DS did struggle to settle at first, but usually and quickly settled into going to bed at 6pm every night. Then I would go upstairs and feed (all daytime ones were downstairs, light etc, after 6pm dim lighting minimal chat etc). Both of mine are great sleepers now. Terrible then (DS 8mths and Dd 2ish). Both settled well mind. I read a book, nighttime parenting I think, with dd as it made feel better about the sleep deprivation she introduced me to. She was a proper crier... Despite DS's reflux, she was actually whingier. I avoided GF purely because she dictated a routine and I was listening to my children' sinner routine and bfing on demand.

As I said before, My 3 DCs were all on the GF routine. None of them "slept through" until about a year old. I was not bothered in the slightest, in fact I missed it when they stopped that 4am feed. What GF did was help me structure daytime feeds so that at night I wasn't putting them to bed at 7pm, then doing an 11pm feed, a 2am feed, a 4am feed then up for the day at 6am, which is what I was doing before reading her book.

I am not claiming her ideas work for EVERYONE. I am merely stating that her ideas work for SOMEONE, against the claims that her ideas are ALL CRAP FOR EVERYONE.

I thought about following Gina Ford for a while but a lot of it seemed to hinge on 'giving half a feed' and then crucially remembering which breast you'd used so you cld 'give the other half later.

I knew I would have to get nipple tassels to help my memory. But sadly they don't sell them in Claire's Accessories, and I was too lazy to look elsewhere.

"Sleeping through" is something that is aimed for by many parents (or friends / family of parents) at such an early age and predominately in Western societies. Ultimately, newborn babies aren't designed, nor are they suppose to sleep through; they are meant to be close to their main care giver (normally their mum) and require lots of attention.

I always felt the gf book was designed to introduce routine to those that like routine, to give them something to aim towards.

I think it was then 'sold', probably by its consumers, as a "solution" to get a baby to sleep through - perhaps this was an outcome eventually, but it was more about routine for parents, rather than babies.

It wasn't for me, but I try not to judge those that have used her methods. If it has helped them with parenting and creating a healthy / happy child, I'm not to judge that.

What I dislike, is the book being shoved down people's throats that's you SIL who thrust the book in my hand and said it would help me get my 2 week old in to a routine, I was perfectly happy with how he was and so was the HV thank you very much

I can see that some people are more bothered Bout getting a full nights sleep than others are.
I have friends though, who have children who are well Into the school years and who still wake 3 or 4 times every night. They did not have any kind of sleep routine and fed their babies/toddlers to sleep, lay with them until they slept, drove them down the motorway to get them to sleep etc. they are now at a point of exhaustion that they cannot face any ki d of intervention plan, because it will be difficult. All they can think of is getting g through to the next short sleep, and they will do anything g to make it there, no matter if it reinforces sleep problems.
So I am interested in the longer term effects of having a routine or not. Yes I a cept that some people may not be so worried about getti g up in the night to do feeds.......but what about if the failure to learn to get back off to sleep yourself, causes the baby and then toddler to still be waking beyond a year or even two years old? Surely that can't be good for anyone. And that is what I have seen frequently in my friends who had no kind of routine. They are now at a point where they just do t know what to do. Doing Gina Ford meant I never had to do controlled crying to crack a serious problem, or use any other techniques, because there was no problem.
I saw following her routines as short term inflexibility for very long term gain vs flexible feeding and sleeping on demand for potential long term problems.

May I just point out to those who think a routine is magic that a routine is just the same things done at the same times of day most days?

Like breakfast every day is a fucking routine! Stop acting like routine is magic or ephemeral and only some magical kid whisperer can whiz one up.

Sorry. That really winds me up.

Gina Ford, Wonder Woman!!!!! Worked perfectly for me xxx

I think all the hoo-ha from 2006 has died down a bit now?

I found some bits of her book very helpful. Dd and ds were raised on a mixture of GF and Penelope Leach, who are polar opposites advice-wise but bits of what they both said were relevant to me and my babies at the time.