Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be possessive over my son?

53 replies

charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 19:05

So my brothers fiance from when my son was born has taken photos of him and put them on social media sites. I asked her and everyone I know to tag me in photos put on facebook but I don't know about instagram and so didn't want any on there...so that I know what's on the internet, as I didn't really want other people seeing them before I did. She got really upset, I must say, she has body dismorphia and bulimia and is very emotional all the time which is a lot if stress for my brother but I feel I had to say something I felt strongly about...since then she has told my family that she's scared of doing anything wrong with my son and of me and reeeeally plays on it because she's learnt it gets her attention, all because of one thing I said I wasn't happy about. At the time she said "I'd never do anything to upset you, I will always tag you" I have since joined instagram and have a couple of my son on my page. Then looking through it today...I've seen photos on there, of my son, that she has tagged alllllll of her friends and not me!!! She's posing for selfies with him and one of him and my brother with a caption of 'two very special people' he looks like HER son! To not tag me I find just rude and like I don't trust her that they aren't other places? If I speak to her she may say she thought she didn't need to as Iv seen them on facebook and it might come across as I'm being all scary again...but am I being unreasonable to be so possessive, if it makes me feel very uncomfortable!

OP posts:
Morgause · 09/05/2014 19:16

YABU, she thinks your DS is special, that's nice.

FunkyBoldRibena · 09/05/2014 19:19

If you don't want someone to post photos of your son, then tell them no to post photos of your son on the internet without your permission.

AmberSweet · 09/05/2014 19:19

I've had the same thing with my sister so I know how frustrating it is!

It's not so much the action it's the fact she's completely gone against what you asked isn't it and also that she's making you out to be the bad person?

Burren · 09/05/2014 19:22

I'm getting lost in the plethora of social networking etiquettes, and don't honestly understand why it's not rude to post photographs of someone else's baby on social networking sites BUT rude to do so and not tag them? And is what is bothering you really that there are photographs you don't know about, or that you genuinely think she's pretending your child is hers? When does she take all these photographs, and how come you don't see her do it?

BerniesBurneze · 09/05/2014 19:22

Yabu.

Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 19:32

Sorry I don't understand what Yabu stands for!!

OP posts:
GeekWife · 09/05/2014 19:40

it stands for you are being unreasonable, you also dont say how old your son is, if he is over 18 and therefore legally an adult then as long as he dont mind her doing it then i dont see the problem.

so in short if he's a minor then i can understand as your still legally responsible so in that case yanbu (you are not being unreasonable) however if he is an adult and ok with her doing this then yabu

Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 19:41

I wrote that I had told her to tell me about it, I also explained that she originally did so without asking me...I then, as a compromise asked her to tag me in them so that I am aware of what photos are on the internet of my son. She is taking these photos whilst looking after him when I have a break, because of course I'd see her do it if I was there!?! does that make them hers then?
I don't like that there are photos of my son I don't know about AND that she's protending he is hers!!
Are these people not understanding what I'm saying even mothers?? I really doubt you'd get it if you're not, I wouldn't have even when I was pregnant!

OP posts:
Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 19:44

Well id appreciate an opinion rather than a statement Berniesbernease

He is 6 months so no where near 18 and also not old enough to say if he likes being placed in places for selfies!!

OP posts:
fifi669 · 09/05/2014 19:44

Would you have an issue if it was your brother doing it?

Forgettable · 09/05/2014 19:44

What does your brother say?

Koothrapanties · 09/05/2014 19:52

I get why you are annoyed, but you are being well over the top. She isnt pretending he is her son! Do you not think that her friends on Facebook would know if she had a child? All she put is that your son and your brother are special to her.

If you have a problem with her not tagging you, tell her again. If she doesnt listen then you will have to tell her not to put pictures up at all. If I'm honest though, I don't get why you are ok with the pics being on the internet, but only if you are tagged. It doesn't make much sense really.

It really doesn't need to be this much of a drama.

Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 19:52

Yes is have an issue with anyone doing it in the way she does it, hence I said it to everyone that I don't like it. He says talk to her but I think my point was that she has done it once again and now I'm at a loss of what I should say, should I be annoyed or should I just smile at something I'm clearly uncomfortable with, even though I brought him into this world, no one else?

OP posts:
Koothrapanties · 09/05/2014 19:54

Oh and I'm a mother to a 7 month old. I have to say that you aren't coming across very well. You have asked if you are being unreasonable. Therefore you will get replies saying you are if that is the posters opinions.

GeekWife · 09/05/2014 19:54

oh wait! sorry been a stressful day didnt read properly so i apologise :D just realised that your brothers fiancee is babysitting your son, got it into my head that it was your sons fiancee somehow.

in that case then as hes a minor (otherwise i guess she wouldnt be babysitting lol) then yanbu :D ive said the same thing to my family with regards to my two kids as they are a teen and pre teen luckily they have agreed and kept to it, sorry for my mistake, ive just started a diet so am grumpy right now as all i want is a big bar of galaxy and a nice glass of Wine

ViviPru · 09/05/2014 19:57

She couldn't tag you on instagram as you weren't a member when she posted the photos.

I don't think it's worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

You're the one who's interpreting the photo she's posted of her with him as though it's her son. It's not like she's put "me and my son". She sounds overbearing and annoying, but not worth another moment's thought.

Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 20:01

It might not need to be this much drama to you but you do not get to say how I feel about something, I think people should give there own opinions yes, but don't siregard how I feel, would you say that to someone who has really bad post natal depression, would you like someone to disregard how you feel about something.
I didbt post on here thinking everyone was going to jump up and agree with me, hence why I was asking for opinions but I think some people should think about how they are airing those opinions, if you were upset about something, would you like to be called dramatic? Not very constructive...

OP posts:
ViviPru · 09/05/2014 20:03

Welcome to AIBU

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:06

The whole point of Am I Being Unresonable is to see if people think you are or not. Quite often people will simply post YABU or YANBU without expanding on that so you're better off getting used to it.

Welcome to AIBU :)

flipchart · 09/05/2014 20:07

You are being on the AIBU thread so of course you are going to get some strong opinions.

If you want forthright opinions wrapped up in cotton wool and sprinkled with glitter go to Netmums.

slithytove · 09/05/2014 20:07

YANBU.

Social networking fucks me right off.

It fucked me off when my wedding guests posted tagged pics of me and DH as a newly married couple while we were all still at the wedding. Especially since I wanted the first picture of us for friends and family who couldn't make it to be an offical nice one, not a drunken crappy one.

It fucks me off daily when pics of my son are posted - he is too young to have a say what is broadcast online about him, therefore nothing should be - especially when the people posting have very lax privacy settings.

And since we are on the topic of social networking, it fucks me right off when people post "arrrrgh so angry today" "why hon" (always the hon!) "ill pm you"

why the fuck am I still on facebook

slithytove · 09/05/2014 20:09

Flip chart, do they give forthright opinions on nethuns?

I thought they all got deleted by mods

Grin
Original poster
charcarter87 · 09/05/2014 20:10

Not a problem geekwife, I get why you made that interpretation :) thanks for posting again to clarify :) it's nice to know other people at least have these requests of the people around them.

No, I was a member I just didn't use it...perfectly capable of tagging me....even if I didn't use it as that's what I requested, no I actually requested I didnt want them on that particular site, so now she has disregarded what I ask....just because she thought I wasn't on there...or what? How is that ok?

I did interpret the photo as her pretending he's her son, like she's great with him, like she does anything for him, when really I know it's all an act because she doesn't do anything that's particularly hard, just takes photos and my close friend said she thought she had him all the time and was a supernanny, I'm not supposed to feel uncomfortable? None of you would?

OP posts:
slithytove · 09/05/2014 20:11

I would just say to DB and SIL2B - I'm not happy having pictures of my son online, especially when I haven't seen them in advance. Please don't post any more on any sites.

Clear, unambiguous, and if they go against it, it's black and white what you meant.

I don't see the need for anyone to post pics of family online, certainly not publicly. What's wrong with a photo album shared between a few select people if it's a way to keep family updated with pics.

fifi669 · 09/05/2014 20:11

Generally my friends/family tag me in photos of DS on fb. I'm not on Instagram so have no idea is he's on there. Not actually bothered if they miss me out on some other than I might miss seeing a particularly good one.

Not particularly possessive over him though, prob because I'm from a big family. I like that they want to take pictures of him and show him off! He is a handsome bugger after all :)