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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The angry lady in the car.

75 replies

Evilwater · 09/05/2014 09:46

I can't bloodily believe it! I've just been yelled at by another mum for driving too fast.
BTW I WAS doing 30 and I DID stop. There was no need to block my car, quash my wing mirror, and yell at me.
Yes I know it is a bend, and there Is always that red van there, and yes I have a young child. I looked before moving out, but I didn't see her.

FFS!
Why don't they use there driveway instead of the road?

OP posts:
GobTheGoblin · 09/05/2014 10:38

So you didn't see her, and you pulled out onto the wrong side of the road driving too fast for the conditions (the speed limit is just that, the limit not a target) and you're complaining that she shouted at you?

YABU

HecatePropylaea · 09/05/2014 10:40

So you were driving at 30, on the wrong side of the road, up a hill that has poor visibility?

I do think that that was possibly poor hazard perception and risk assessment on your part.

But yes, you are right, yelling at someone is not productive, but people who get a fright are not always calm.

Just learn from it. Don't go so fast up that hill, or find another route, or make sure you have your half beams on so you can be better seen, etc

BreconBeBuggered · 09/05/2014 10:44

Oh dear. Just the other day I yelled 'Dickhead!' when somebody drove on my side of the road in a similar fashion, just as their open window passed mine a couple of centimetres away. Luckily my wing mirrors were set higher up than his... No intention to be actively aggressive, (I'd forgotten it was a warm afternoon and the windows were open) but a verbal reflex when somebody else unnecessarily caused a hazard by overtaking parked cars rather than wait for me to drive past them on my, empty, side. Forget about the verbals, just don't make that mistake again.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 09/05/2014 10:46

Hehe, there is a tendency on here to assume that anyone driving at the speed limit is driving recklessly I've noticed.

From your description, it's hard to say exactly whether that was appropriate - was it a blind bend or just a steady curve, how wide is the road (enough for 2 cars to pass beside a parked car or not), cars parked on both sides or one? You may have been at fault, but you did stop and reverse - incidentally did you have to slam your breaks on, or did you just see her after pulling out, slowly break and reverse back? If the latter, I don't see you were driving too fast, merely that you pulled out at the wrong moment.

Either way, she should not have driven at you to wedge you in by the wing mirror - that's absurd. Who actually does that?!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2014 10:47

If you drive like a wanker people are going to shout at you

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 09/05/2014 10:47

Seriously? Mental block there over the word "brake". I despair...

LizzieMint · 09/05/2014 10:48

If the cars were on your side, she had right of way and you were in the wrong. Shouting at you isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, but at least it should make you question your driving. We have a roundabout near us that people generally completely ignore. I drive round it a lot, and have lost count of the time I've had to beep my horn at people who have ignored my right of way and driven straight at me. If I could shout at them too, I would. And I'm sure at least a few of those think I'm being unreasonable to beep at them!

OwlCapone · 09/05/2014 10:48

30mph can still be too fast for the driving conditions particular to the road you are on.

I would not drive down the roads near our primary at 30mph just because that was the limit - with all the parked cars and small children it would be dangerous and thus too fast, despite being within the speed limit.

WowOoo · 09/05/2014 10:51

Can't judge really but...
....I would not have shouted at you but I would be shaking my head and swearing to myself from what you've described.

Some 30 zones should be changed to 20 where there are corners, narrow roads, recent increases in dodgy parking and heavy traffic etc. Just so that people err on the side of caution.

Nicknacky · 09/05/2014 10:51

Disease, the op has vaguely described the road layout. The parked vehicle were on her side and she could not see well. In most circumstances driving at the speed limit would be too fast. Obviously it's hard to tell as we don't know, but she has caused another road user to take evasive action by the sounds of it.

And I don't think the other vehicle "drove" at her!! The op was on the opposite side of the road.

And believes me, I'm not a slow driver but you need to be safe.

Nomama · 09/05/2014 10:58

I am surprised no one has shouted 20 is plenty at OP!

Good grief, what a load of flack. Nobody died, everyone was right, everyone was wrong and 2 drivers had a bit of a to do.

Evil, I hope your heart has stopped racing and your BP is back to normal. Smile

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 09/05/2014 10:59

nickynacky

The OP has not described the road layout well enough, in my opinion to judge whether 30 was necessarily inappropriate. The parked cars were on her side - were they exclusively on her side or both sides? I don't think she has said that she couldn't see well, she said she didn't see the other car (which could equally be lack of attention, not excessive speed - which is equally unreasonable, of course). She did however say:

Yes, she drove at me and used her wing mirror to push mine in. Effectively blocking me in

Which to me says she drove at the OP so that her wing mirror contacted the OP's wing mirror. Assuming that is true, and a correct interpretation of the OP's comments, I think that does put the other driver very much in the wrong (even if the OP was going to fast, which she may, or may not have been).

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/05/2014 11:01

I don't know, we have a hill with a bend near us. Due to the road being lined with parked cars (people parking stupidly to so school drop off), you have to commit to going up on the wrong side of the road without being able to see properly what is coming down in the other direction.

Yes it is a nightmare, and obviously quite dangerous. If I am coming down I always give way to the person coming up even though it is technically my right of way: I wouldn't expect someone to reverse around a bend down a very steep hill.

I certainly wouldn't get angry. I'd save that for the lazy, dangerous Parker's.

Nicknacky · 09/05/2014 11:05

Disease, I am reading the same thread as you are and I did repeatedly say that as we don't know the road it's hard to tell exactly.

I fail to see how the other driver was more at fault. If wing mirrors collided then that can be the fault of both drivers, but fundamentally the onus is on the op to give way.

MelonadeAgain · 09/05/2014 11:08

So you overtook into the path of an oncoming vehicle without checking that the road is clear? Sheesh. You sound like you need some driving lessons!

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 11:09

I'd say six of one and half a dozen of the other but I probably have more sympathy with the OP because I don't like rudeness.

The OP probably was going too fast for the conditions (obstructions on the highway, on a bend/brow), but TBH most people do. How many of us really slow down to ensure we can stop in time if there is an obstruction right over the brow when driving up a slight hill, for example?

Where do you want to draw the line here? Should we hold the owners of the parked vehicle responsible for parking in a way that obstructs other road users' visibility no matter how slow they are going?

There is a lot of low-level inconsiderate road use here and it goes on every day and most people just deal with it. The only person who might be guilty of actually committing an offence here is the oncoming driver, who could easily be considered to be behaving in a manner likely to cause alarm, harassment and distress.

Nicknacky · 09/05/2014 11:10

And a driver should drive at a speed he can see to be clear. Gives both drivers time to react.

Obviously we don't know if there was 5 or 50 cars in a line but the op has said they were on her side.

Nicknacky · 09/05/2014 11:13

Seriously Pounding?? You think people don't drive with a level of hazard awareness?

I would like to think people would instinctively reduce speed for going over the brow of a hill for the possibility of pedestrians, broken down vehicles or vehicles waiting to turn.

To be fair, I have done advanced driving so those hazards are on my mind but surely it must be for a competent driver?

OwlCapone · 09/05/2014 11:14

The OP has not described the road layout well enough, in my opinion to judge whether 30 was necessarily inappropriate.

Equally it is impossible to judge that it was appropriate. Apart from the fact that the other driver was so enraged which tends* to mean they feel it was dangerous.

  • but not always, obviously.
Nicknacky · 09/05/2014 11:14

I think to say the other driver has committed a breach of the peace is ott. None of us were there.

SanityClause · 09/05/2014 11:15

Okay, from your explanation YANBU!

You can't see round a bend, and although it was strictly her right of way, you did back up, to give her right of way.

She had no right to shout, and shouting wasn't going to get her to wherever she was going any quicker, anyway.

Have someFlowers to cheer you up a bit.

HauntedNoddyCar · 09/05/2014 11:15

Well over all I'm going with both of you being U. You were being a bit careless and she reacted in a disproportionate way.

Mothergothel1111 · 09/05/2014 11:21

I think you were being U.
30 on a blind bend, on the wrong side of the road.....
You need a speed awareness course.

Btw I live in a similar set up, 20 is plenty!

FumiYamamoto · 09/05/2014 11:24

Sounds as if you were driving too fast for the conditions OP. A 30 mph limit means that is the fastest you can drive in optimum conditions. Going up a hill with a bend where cars are parking etc etc are not optimum.

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 11:25

Nickynacky - of course it's OTT. If the police were there they'd probably tell both the OP and the other driver to wind their necks in and do precisely nothing since there's no real harm done. That's sort of the point.

Personally I think that while road users should drive with appropriate levels of road awareness at all times, most don't and it's actually unrealistic to expect otherwise. Which isn't the same thing as saying it's ok or that they should be 'let off' because 'everyone does it' if there is an accident as a result of their behaviour.

But the point is that accusing the OP of driving without due care and consideration in these circumstances is no more ridiculous than trying to charge the other driver with a public order offence for her reaction.

But as rudeness is a particular bugbear of mine I feel inclined to have a little more sympathy with the OP who probably will drive a little more slowly on that hill/bend from now on. Wink

Disclaimer: I'm taking the OP's post at face value of course, which is always a risky thing to do, but her truthfulness is not on trial here, just her POV.