To find these episodes of Location Location Location very funny

[Summerbreezing]

The ones where the couple want a house 'full of character', so Kirstie shows them a quirky cottage, a cleverly restored barn, and an old mellow farmhouse; which are all rejected on the grounds of 'too near the road', 'not enough garden', 'nowhere to store our six racing bikes' etc.

The couple then go off and 'discover' a three bedroom semi in a gated development at the edge of the village, put in a 'cheeky offer' and buy it. A few months later Kirstie has to go around for a visit and ooh and aah at their John Lewis sofa and homebase cushions and decking out the back and tell them how 'clever' they've been and how the made 'the decision that was right for them', and all the time you can almost see the bubble over her head thinking "WTF? . That lovely cottage was twenty grand less that this boring box".

Disclaimer: Can't afford to live in beautiful old farmhouse with antique furniture myself so not mocking semis and homebase. But I just saw a repeat of one of those programmes and it made me smile.

Pobble

DH and I watch this and say "Which was nice" every time the 20-something couple with 9 million pounds to spend on a house say something like "And then Jocasta's yoghurt weaving company sold for a billion pounds" or "I got three new yachts last week, so we'll need somewhere to store those"

It gives me jealous rage but that's what I love about it

I want to Escape to the Country with Jules Hudson and do filthy, filthy things to him in an 18th century character property

What makes me laugh is all the people who want to move abroad and "integrate", who haven't got a clue what living abroad is like, don't speak a word of the language and at the age of 70 want land and a project in the middle of nowhere.

Also all the people who want to escape to the country provided there's a coffee shop/Waitrose/gastro pub/doctors/bus route all within staggering distance.

I'm always intrigued to know how "the young couple have £750k to spend". Where did we go wrong?

I loved the posh twin basketball players. Even though I loathe red trouser wearing sloane ranger insurance broking Clapham dwellers on principle. They were so sweet, they did the whole tribe no end of good PR.

I would love to go on LLL or something similar - in fact buying our house we probably would have been perfect candidates as we had a pretty wide brief in terms of location - BUT I just know I'd watch it back and think "Well we've got to move now!"

Phil and Kirsty are not real. They present a programme. Researchers find the houses. Programme makers set out the familiar routine. P and K have no thoughts or feelings regarding the house hunters. They are acting a part.

House hunters are set up/ edited to look loony/pic otherwise for many viewers the programme would be a bit boring.

Also there are some obvious reasons for them to be shown houses they may not want. The programme us entertainment and shows us a variety if houses. We nay not want to see the 3 semis on the couples wishlist. Houses with road noise are often shown because they are cheaper for what they are so,we get entertained by nicer houses.

the one with the massively detailed list of requirements and they rejected over a new, invented problem of the house having only one road leading to it was the best one ever. I really wanted Kirstie to go postal

Is that the one where the curve of the driveway was in the wrong direction?

I love Location, Grand Designs etc. I don't care how much is set up! Great fun.

There are some Grand Designs I genuinely love though such as charcoal burner bloke I'd have loved to marry and the woman whose husband died. Her house was a wonderful example of a cheap, sustainable family home. If I could build a house I'd copy hers it was perfection.

I like it when location makes me feel smug as I sit in my 3 bed house in a nice rural area walking distance from shops and really good schools and watch people with 5 times my budget struggle to buy a shoe box in London. Unfair of me to feel smug? Yes. Do I care? Nope .

YY the people always seem so thick considering how loaded they are.

I always find it so rude when they walk into a huge country kitchen and almost say "it's a bit pokey"...."just doesn't flow right"

Then proceed to the garden of multiple acreage and say "it's sweet....but just not big enough for Jocasta's ponies and Aramintas alpacas"

And the ones who require a country pile and a .....cringe .... Hate the expression "bolt hole"....

Always seem really picky....

As are those searching for that perfect Pied a terre ....

Or the ones who are selling one normal, modest house and want to buy a "forever home" with 16 bedrooms, 17 bathrooms, a live in nanny, 5 garages and a show pony in the countryside with no car noises whatsoever all within a 30 minute commute to The City plus a "crash pad" in The City because Man Of The House still works there (mummy having given up her City Job to make bunting and cupcakes to sell to unsuspecting locals) but the Crash Pad has to have enough space for the whole family in case they need to sleep there after a shopping trip or a West End show.

So you want 2 houses in expensive places for the price of one in a moderately expensive area then?

One of my favourite LLL episodes was a couple who had been looking for a house for quite some time, and they only wanted to live in one of about 8 streets.

In all the time they were searching, it never occurred to them that their budget wouldn't stretch far enough.

Another one I loved was a couple who wanted to buy a business together, they were not bothered about what it was but they wanted to buy a business as they had 2 small children and wanted to spend time together.

We've got a Grand Design quite near us.

It's in a small, but established and very wooded housing estate where all the houses are built to a fairly similar design. Then you've got this massive "innovative design" slapped in the middle of it. Looks ridiculous. I really wonder how they got it past the planners to be honest

I've noticed a few times how K and P have to tell the couple they will never find what they are looking for and will have to compromise. They then go on to find exactly what the want, where they want and for the right price AFTER rejecting all LLL's unsuitable offerings.

Kirsty's negotiation skills are appalling, though.

"Well this house has been on the market for a while six months but the agents assure me that someone is definitely coming to look at it tomorrow so we'll need to make an offer today. 10% off asking? Hmm, why don't we go for a cheeky offer of 3% below asking? Hello Mr Agent, it's Kirsty. I'm calling you from All Bar One where my young clients are nervously clutching a large glass of white wine. They've asked me to put an insultingly shit offer to you which I'm sure the vendor won't accept. Oh, that's a shame, bye! I can't promise anything, but if I try my best for you, an asking price offer might just be enough to secure this property..."

I bloody love property programmes.

I'm very much enjoying "Under Offer" on BBC2 at the moment, the polarity between the areas and the properties they're selling is incredible.

I especially love that squillionaire property selling man in Chelsea is called Gary - he should be called Jonquil or something.

Then there was the Grand Design with the Huf Haus which proceeded entirely on budget, was put up in about two days and caused no problems whatsoever. There was a lot of filler in that episode, I think...

Debbie, the GD Huf Haus nearly made me cry. That was the one house that I would love .

Although (money permitting) I'd love a Baufritz House www.baufritz.com/uk/homes/5-bedroom-houses/house-patel/

(not that I could afford a Huf Haus either)

I loved the Huf Haus too. I'd also absolutely love one.

I also liked the one with the man who had some sort of building company that wasn't doing terribly well and he built a kit house to keep his factory open and staff employed. I think he was hoping diversify his business or something and turn it into a proper company and the one he build himself was a prototype. I can't remember enough about it to find out what happened to his company, I really hope it was successful, it was a fab house with no cock ups as far as I remember

I remember that one Stinkle. I think his company went bust, or nearly went bust, but, somehow the phoenix rose from the ashes - so to speak - and he ended up with his own unusual house and his company was still in business selling his trademarked designs?

I also loved the Irish couple who had revamped an old Lifeboat station in Wales. That was fab!

Haha glad it's not just me who wonders how some of the people on LLL can afford what they can when they seem seriously lacking in the brain dept. I always assume they inherited it.
Escape to the country seems to attract the craziest ones though... oh it doesn't come with an attached llama farm? No that won't do then!