Totally feeling you.
DD still doesn't sleep well and she's nearly six. I used to get so frustrated, but then I looked at myself, I suffer from insomnia and often spend nights awake. She's a lot like me, except she doesn't need to catch up in the mornings because she's not as old and run down as I am.
So I try to see it as a shared problem and treat her how I treat myself when I can't sleep. Followed sleep hygiene guidelines for her sleeping area, and accepted that when she just wouldn't sleep, it was acceptable for her to do something until she felt tired. I got her a radio, which she liked to listen to in the dark, or a dvd to watch, or even let her play with her toys.
My conditions were to not wake anyone else up, and that she was kept safely contained to prevent night time wandering (don't ask about the time she got out and was brought home by the police!). If she was still struggling, she could come to my bed and I would let her try to sleep there, in case it was nightmares like I have. Same goes for my son, he has nasty dreams too.
When it was really hard, I coped by sleeping in the daytime, getting a nap here and there while she watched a film or played quietly. As she got older, she became less needing of my attention when she woke, and sometimes I would only have to wake and settle her with something to do, and to ensure she was safe. If I had a bad night with her, I knew she would be at school and I could catch up then.
But boy did she put me through hell while I learned to accept she was a difficult sleeper. I tried everything, hours of rapid return, lavender baths, star charts, shouting, begging, pleading, different bed time routines, the same bedtime routine constantly. She just slept through when her time came.