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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about the 48 hour school rule

79 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 08/05/2014 20:42

Basically i was called to pre-school for DS1 (4) as he had been sick. he is slightly pale when I pick him up but by the time I get home with him (5 min walk) he is bouncing around wanting to go outside to play and asking for cake . He eats normally all day, no sickness no bowel issues. he has a habit of sitting with his fingers in his mouth (copying his teething brother) and I think he probably made himself sick accidentally.

I called the pre-school and explained this and asked if he could come in tomorrow assuming still no other symptoms - so 24 hours clear. a blanket now as the policy is 48 hours for ANY sickness OR diarrhoea.

AIBU to think this is an extreme policy and that a bit of common sense should be applied? of course if he had a D&V bug I would keep him off until he was 48 hours clear. but for ONE incident of sickness??

oh and naturally they will charge me for the missed sessions despite it being at their insistence.

and also WIBU to write to the school and challenge this policy as being extreme and unnecessary for one off incidents?

OP posts:

tiggytape · 09/05/2014 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 09/05/2014 12:09

Surely if your child was sick once a fortnight for no known reason you would be trying to find out why? That's not normal surely?

Original poster

QueenofKelsingra · 09/05/2014 12:18

sirzy he has an overactive gag reflex, so if he coughs too much, gets over excited, a bit of water goes down the wrong way etc he is likely to vomit.

tiggy that clearly shows a progression of illness if they are sick more than once. DS has no further symptoms of any nature in the following 24 hours.

OP posts:

haggisaggis · 09/05/2014 12:22

Lucky for me my ds's high school nurse allows me to make the judgement. ds is another one of these kids who will throw up at the drop of a hat - cough, nerves, stress, thinking to much about being sick - will all cause him to throw up. When I collected him from school after one such incident I asked her if he had to be kept off for 48 hours but was advised to use my own judgement so he was back the next day. When he did have a genuine d&v bug a few months later I followed the "rule". (not sure it is a rule up here - more a recommendation)

BabyHaribo · 09/05/2014 12:22

YABU

Thing is you say you are only 90% sure of the reason he was sick.

If you are wrong he could infect more children than he already has!

It's annoying but the sensible thing to do. It's not fair on others for whom vomiting could be serious.

FunLovinBunster · 09/05/2014 12:32

YABU. Two years ago, noro virus was doing the rounds at school. One DCcomes in to class and boasted to class teacher that she had vomited when she got up that morning,but her " mummy said I was ok to come in anyway....." WTAF???
And yes it's is usually working parents who abuse the 48hour rule.

Original poster

QueenofKelsingra · 09/05/2014 12:43

the 48 hour rule doesn't stop this though, parents could collect sick child, keep child off for 2 further days and send back in saying they were 48 hours clear yet really had been sick all 3 days and that morning.

I believe the 48 hours is fine for genuine illness, I would just like some common sense (remember that?) when the child is clearly fit and healthy and never had an illness in the first place.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 09/05/2014 12:47

The teachers aren't medically trained to decide who is fit and well though. You can't tell by looking at a child if they are well.

A blanket rule is the closest to a solution to selfish parents the problem that you will get. There is no perfect solution but this is as close as you will get

tiggytape · 09/05/2014 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trazzletoes · 09/05/2014 12:55

If my child were being sick regularly through coughing etc id be asking the Dr for a note and hope the school would allow me to use my judgement.

However , as my child is actually immuno-suppressed there's not a lot of sympathy coming my way. I follow the rule (despite being a working parent) and I expect other parents to do the same though I appreciate they don't which unfortunately can lead to hospital stays for my family and a very poorly DS.

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 13:29

My personal experience is that most staff can usually tell whether a vomiting incident is a one-off (following vigorous playing or coughing for example) and usually deal with it appropriately. However, they won't take chances if they even suspect a D&V bug because the effects on the other children and staff can be huge. If there have been any other incidents of D&V in the preschool, the chances are that your DS has had it but has had the good fortune to be only mildly affected.

So YABU to expect the preschool to change their policy. But YANBU to feel frustrated and sore about being out of pocket. I remember those days well and the havoc they wreaked on my working life. Unfortunately as a parent you have final responsibility. Sometimes it sucks.

coldwater1 · 09/05/2014 18:51

YABU my kids have had sick bugs but only puked once... How do i know? Well i have 9 kids that caught it.

MaryShelley · 09/05/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

intheenddotcom · 09/05/2014 20:42

Unless it is a common, known thing e.g. kid regularly gags when eating or has reflux then 48 hours is reasonable as they can still be infectious. You have no idea what caused your child to be sick.

SelfRighteousPrissyPants · 09/05/2014 20:55

My son was sick once at school one Friday then seemed fine all weekend, bouncing about and no sick. He started the runs on Sunday night and had it for 5 days. So YABU, you don't know he hasn't got a bug.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/05/2014 21:06

My DD has random loose poos. She has been tested during these episodes and has no bug.

So we have GP letter to say if she seems well and has one off loose poo she shouldn't be excluded.

Maybe the poster whose child gets migraines should get one of these.

Waltonswatcher1 · 09/05/2014 21:51

It isn't a working parent issue at all . Plenty of my mates are SAHP and are ultra sneaky when it comes to any kind of illness . I've posted on mn before about my fury over 'Its Only Teething Excuse '.
People don't like being housebound and will spout all kinds of crap to avoid staying at home and keeping their dc away from others.
I've volunteered loads at my dc school and have really struggled with not speaking out about the coughing . So many kids with awful coughs that should not be in class ...

PrincessBabyCat · 09/05/2014 22:57

and as everyone keeps saying 'working parents will abuse the rule if it is relaxed' - why does my son have to be penalised for other people's shortcomings?

Because deciding if a parent is reasonable and unbiased enough to keep their child home when they're sick is highly subjective. It's better to give everyone the same rule so other's aren't like "Well, X got to bring their kid in, why can't I?"

Applespearsorangesandlemons · 09/05/2014 23:06

48 is rule perfectly sensible if you don't know the cause and there's a chance it's a bug. If I know the cause and it's because one of my kids has choked on a piece of food or is car sick I send to school - there is an element of common sense to be used here.

Trazzletoes · 10/05/2014 07:01

why does my son have to be penalised for other people's shortcomings?

I could ask the same question in relation to you! With a compromised immune system he gets anything and everything. He had a cold 3 weeks ago and is STILL recovering from it. Of course you can't keep a child off for a cold, but what if it's D&V (or D OR. V if that makes you happier) or flu or chicken pox... Why should I then need to take weeks off work at a time to nurse my child, why should he have to be so so poorly that he may require hospitalisation just because you decided your child was the exception?

allisgood1 · 10/05/2014 09:55

I think there's very good reason why schools and nurseries DONT let parents use "common sense", as evidenced in this thread. If you're convinced it's not a bug, go to the dr and get a note (I bet they won't write it if it's a one off and tell you to get over yourself be on the safe side and keep your kid home). If you've got a child who suffers from a condition and vomits/diarrhea as a side effect, get a note.

Groovee · 10/05/2014 10:06

It's 48 hours from the last time they had sickness or diarrhoea, so if they go for 2 days solid then it could be 4/5 days before they return.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/05/2014 10:32

My DS has a strong gag reflex.

When he was 5, another boy wiped snot on him and he threw up.

I had to take two days off work to keep him home. Irritating, but as so many PP have said, better to have a blanket rule that protects children from getting sick because of parents' different levels of "common sense".

OP, your DS will not get hauled over the coals for his attendance if it is authorised, as it will be for illness.

MammaTJ · 10/05/2014 12:22

I finally pursuaded my DC's school that DS is exempt from this. He has never done a solid poo in his life, he can be sick at the drop of a hat. One memorable occasion was when a friend of mine asked him who his new teacher was at the beginning of the year, he chucked up and then answered her! He went to school and was fine!

I would keep DD off for 48 hours after being sick though!

ForalltheSaints · 10/05/2014 12:24

Not all parents have common sense, or they just don't want their children off school as to them 100% attendance is a badge of honour. That's why such policies exist.

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