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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Real time AIBU - your verdict please!

83 replies

EyelinerQueen · 08/05/2014 12:17

I'm sitting in the health centre waiting room. My midwife appointment was at 12pm. The lady beside me was supposed to be seen at 11.40am but is still waiting.

Last time I was called an hour and 5 minutes after my appointment time .

I'm under consultant care at my hospital so these standard midwife appointments seem supplementary at best. They last about 6 minutes.

It's hot and stuffy and I'm starving and the dog is waiting for me at home.

WIBU to leave at 12.30pm if I haven't been called (which I won't)? I'd tell the receptionist that I wasn't willing to wait any longer.

AIBU?

OP posts:

FourForksAche · 08/05/2014 14:58

regularly 2 hours for me, once longer due to me waiting the standard 2 hours then asking what the delay was. they'd not put my notes in and the midwife had gone home.

as a result, I now don't wait longer than an hour. I deserve to have a life too.

mypussyiscalledCaramel · 08/05/2014 15:01

I used to have the same problem with my Dr, she worked part time, was popular and NEVER started on time.

I always took a book with me and listened to all the other patients muttering. If I had a life after my appt I always asked how far behind she was before I went in.

Somersetlady · 08/05/2014 15:26

Nennypops i simply think than it in perfect world or private practise that your time is valuable as you pay for the service. Everyone is in the same boat here (op referenced appointments earlier than hers still waiting to go in) and for whatever reason resources are overstretched. OP knew that having to wait an hour at her last appointment. Everyone has somewhere to go or a life to lead but being hot and hungry (both in OPs control) are unavoidable and we are talking an hours wait not an unreasonable amount of time.

She does feel entitled to be seen on time, she has said that herself and was planning on leaving after a 30 minute wait regardless of the reason for the delay.

OP actually posted 17minutes after she was due to go in already with her knickers in a twist and was already "hot stuffy and starving" contributing to her bad mood. A bit of planning on clothing and carrying food would probably have helped her situation........

tiredbutstillsmiling · 08/05/2014 15:30

So NU. My midwife can never keep to time and as I book appointments after work I can wait between 1-2 hours to be seen. Not great when you're tired and hungry and have just picked up a toddler from nursery!

I'm a teacher and my 24 week check fell in the Easter hols. I booked to see her at 1pm (first appointment if her clinic - she's only there 1 afternoon per week). I thought she can't possibly run late. I was so wrong! I was there for 1, she filled in at 1.20 and proceeded to call another woman in. She'd only double booked us as well.

I'm sure most midwives are lovely but mine's incompetent and I dislike her immensely, especially since I had a MC and she wouldn't help and then 5 months later I had a call from a HV requesting a visit to see my baby. I had to tell her id miscarried and she told me the MW had passed my details on saying she was concerned I hadn't been attending my appointment. Stupid cow. You can tell a year on from that I'm still bitter!

tiredbutstillsmiling · 08/05/2014 15:31

Filled? Should have read "strolled"!

FourForksAche · 08/05/2014 15:32

tired sorry, that's really awful.

ThisIsLID · 08/05/2014 15:33

Is it really unreasonable to expect to be seen on time? That's a new one that. Only on MN..,,

A one off appointment being late is ok. Being a standard practice isn't.
Especially when they still expect patients to be there on time and you get a bollocking if you arrive 5mins late even if your appointment is being delayed by 1h30 .
Sorry but it can't work just one way.

eurochick · 08/05/2014 15:34

tired that's awful. No wonder you are not a fan!

I have an independent mw, so get seen at home. But not always on time! (Ok, not hours late, like some people on this thread are describing.) And she also takes calls from other women during the appointments. Which is fine by me. So far, my pregnancy has been going ok, but maybe one day it won't be and I will be her priority. At least waiting at home is stress-free.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/05/2014 15:36

Hour long delays were standard and there's nothing anyone can do about it???

They can start by scheduling appointments better. Not quadruple booking the one MW, perhaps having two MW on staff to deal with the demand if one exists, running clinics on different days of the week. Make it easier to attend your appointment, not harder.

OP you were completely right to leave. I'd love to know what your MW says when she phones you later on. #noseyparker

elastamum · 08/05/2014 15:42

YANBU. for some reason the health service seems to equate being pregnant with having nothing else to do.

When I was pregnant (years ago), I didn't even get to see the MW, as they were too busy to take on any more mothers and the first check they offered me was after my due date! fortunately my lovely GP said he would see me in his surgery after work. He also popped round the day I got home from hospital just to make sure I was OK

tiredbutstillsmiling · 08/05/2014 15:44

Thank you four and euro. Was a difficult time but currently 27 weeks pg so will have a happy summer to look forward to. Asked my GP when found out if I was pg if I could have another MW but it was either her or going to the hospital every time. Lesser of 2 evils! I just sit quietly and nod politely.

beershuffle · 08/05/2014 15:44

You were waiting 17 whole mins before you posted whining anout the wait.

Precious much? Fantastic free* maternity care and you think you're too good to wait a few minutes. Yabvu.

*before you claim you pay for it in your taxes, no you dont. Not even close.

Davsmum · 08/05/2014 15:47

These departments ARE busy - but that does not make it easier for us!

Years ago I was waiting for a scan - I waited well over an hour after my appt. time but had to get back to my DD who I had left with a friend. My friend could only look after her for a short time so I had to get back... I told the receptionist I would have to go - and she snottily said to me that the scan was important - but if I couldn't 'be bothered' about my baby then I should just go!
Another time - when not pregnant - I had to have a scan and had a full bladder - they kept me waiting so long I was in agony and had to go to the loo because I would have wet myself! They got annoyed that my bladder was now not full enough and said I was supposed to have a full bladder!

Wouldn't be so bad if they had been understanding!

chanie44 · 08/05/2014 15:47

When I was having antenatal appointments, my midwife was always running late.

One appointment, she apologised and said it was because her last 3 patients needed their routine bloods taken. She then realised I needed my bloods done but said I had to go to the hospital as she was running late.

Surely they know what needs doing as a matter of routine so should allow enough time.

PersonOfInterest · 08/05/2014 15:55

beershuffle you have precisely no idea how much the OP pays in taxes.

eurochick · 08/05/2014 15:56

beer are you kidding? NHS care is not free. I have (fortunately) very few NHS medical appointments. I am a massive net contributor to the Treasury (there are online calculators that show you whether or not you are a net contributor).

NHS care is not free. It would be far better for me as an individual to "opt out" and pay for each appointment. But I am happy to contribute to the NHS, paying way over and above what I get out of it so that other people who cannot contribute to the level they take out get the benefit of the service.

beershuffle · 08/05/2014 16:01

Unless its a very very large amount if tax, its nowhere near enough to cover what you use. The vast majority of people take out far more than they paid in. They also hugely underestimate what they get.

But go ahead and convince yourself you cover your share, if it makes you feel better about whining about a 17 minute wait.

beershuffle · 08/05/2014 16:04

And even if you pay ten times more, ya still bu. People have to wait for shit. Its called life.

Somersetlady · 08/05/2014 16:04

Forfourksache i am sorry to hear you had spd but the OP didn't reference any illness disability or reason that the so far 17 minute wait was a problem.

I simply think that the majority of front line health care professionals are doing their best with the resources available to them.

An average time has to be allocated for each appointment but no matter who is planning the timings surely no one knows how long each patient is going to require as there are so many things that can go wrong, might need testing, referring etc and sometimes as the midwifes booking double appointments show there are simply not enough hours in the day to see everyone who needs to be seen.

I guess it is a matter of priorities and to wait for an appointment to check on the health of an unborn baby is far more important in my eyes than flouncing off because you feel unhappy at having to wait for the service you need no matter what the reason. And before anyone flames me being hot, hungry both avoidable and leaving the dog for an extra hour do not in my view equate to reasons to leave without a check up which is being done for the good of your unborn child.

Tired i am sorry to hear your story. After 2 miscarriages myself (one later on) the midwife said to me 'lets hope this pregnancy goes better shall we.' Incompetent staff are a different issue to the waiting times in my opinion.

I guess some people are just better at taking life in their stride than others or planning for the unexpected and using time effectively in circumstances such as these where i suspect there is a delay the majority of the time.

My sister had a home visiting mw - maybe this would suit the op so she could control the heating temperature, eat when she likes and play with the dog until the midwife arrives???

Somersetlady · 08/05/2014 16:11

I agree with beershuffle - It's all about perspective and entitlement - last year i paid over £52,000 in taxes i still wouldn't grumble about a 17 minute wait and certainly not if my reasons were i was hot stuffy hungry and wanted to go home to my dog!!!

FourForksAche · 08/05/2014 16:13

somerset, like other women here, I have seen more incidences of disorganisation cause delays than I have seen staff having to take care of emergencies so forgive me if I naturally assume delays are due to a crappy booking system or some other mundane chaos. I am however, aware that stuff could be happening that I don't know about.

one of my recent appointments was cancelled due to the consultant overrunning his golf game.

I know the nhs is stretched, but there is plenty of incompetence in the mix too.

Noodledoodledoo · 08/05/2014 16:17

My hospital appointments seem to be much better managed - last one I was in and out before appointment time had even passed. My ones at the surgery are a nightmare - I have mixed care between consultant and MW.

My booking in appointment I was the second appointment of the day and went in an hour and 15 mins after the appointment time, the previous lady had gone in 10 mins before me. It was a locum who came across as very scatterbrained - plus two others in the room!!

I also had to argue this week for my next appointment as my 25 weeks hits my GCSE exam week at school - I really don't want to miss my students last few lessons as its not fair on them - but to get some understanding of this was a challenge - all I asked for was an afternoon appointment rather than a morning on the same day 5 weeks in advance! Would help if there were more appointments than an hours worth in the morning and an hours worth in the afternoon!!

I have been told by the receptionist that the NHS is not a service provided for my convenience! I am just trying to minimise the impact of my appointments on my students education.

LineRunner · 08/05/2014 16:21

Anyone who spots a routine overbooking of clinics leading to frequent and unacceptable waiting times should report their experiences and concerns.

How else will things change for the better for staff and patients?

FourForksAche · 08/05/2014 16:23

linerunner, I have done, all that happens is you get the "while we endeavour" letter and everything remains the same.

LineRunner · 08/05/2014 16:25

At least you tried. If everyone did, it would have an impact.

I feel like going round my hospital's waiting areas with a petition sometimes.

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