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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dd2 to go swimming with this person?

58 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 08/05/2014 09:20

Dd2 has been invited swimming with her friend, her friend's brother and their dad.

I'm not sure about her going, which she is very upset about, particularly because I have just said yes to dd1 going ice skating in the next town with her friend and her friend's grandad. Dd2 only "wants to go up t'road t'baths" (she has a new friend who speaks with a yorkshire accent Grin)

I have no-one sensible to ask opinions from, I've tried my mum (Daily Mail reader) who thinks it "not right" that a SAHD of 2 would invite their daughter's best friend swimming Hmm and Twunt just told me he is not being the bad guy and saying no, so it's up to me.

Dd2 cannot swim. She wears armbands but has a habit of taking them off and trying to swim. What she ends up doing is a cross between doggy paddle and drowning very slowly. I'm worried this parent takes his eyes off of dd2 for long enough that she drifts off out of reach, while drowning very slowly. Surely he would naturally pay more attention to his own children, especially as one of them is a pre-schooler?

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 08/05/2014 09:52

I also doubt the pool will let a single adult supervise 2 7 year olds and a pre-school child.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 08/05/2014 09:54

I am not even going to bother to ask him if he would go. He is an utter tit. Plus he has automatically decided that he does not like this family because they always send dd2 home well fed, happy and utterly filthy Confused

They even borrowed our ipig and encouraged dd2 to put on her party dress for an impromptu dancing competition on a school night and they told her was okay to wear her fuggs with her best dress Shock

And they've been spotted in the park with a pitbull well behaved, soppy staffy

They've been really good to dd2, especially because I cannot reciprocate any of these play dates owing to my house being filled with two sets of furniture until I move. Dd2 has been promised that her friend can stay for dinner the very first day we move and they can make salt dough.

OP posts:
glasgowstevenagain · 08/05/2014 09:56

"I have no-one sensible to ask opinions from, I've tried my mum (Daily Mail reader) who thinks it "not right" that a SAHD of 2 would invite their daughter's best friend swimming hmm and Twunt just told me he is not being the bad guy and saying no, so it's up to me."

I am guessing Twunt refers to DH

Or even Granny could go.......

OddFodd · 08/05/2014 09:56

It's max 2 kids per adult at our pools so I doubt they'd let him take them. Isn't the question really about whether it's safe to take 3 kids swimming when 2 are non swimmers rather than the person? Confused

Floggingmolly · 08/05/2014 09:57

It's not safe, no.
At our local pool, there are very strict ratios for under 8's / non swimmers and adults. He wouldn't be allowed to supervise 3 young children on his own.

glasgowstevenagain · 08/05/2014 09:57

I am famed for my harsh words

Ask husband or stop moaning.

motherofmonster · 08/05/2014 10:12

I would tell husband to stop being silly and then make a point of going myself, maybe slipping in that it is too good a opportunity to miss...seeing a caring, good with kids, kind and makes a mean spagbol man in his trunks lol

jellybeans · 08/05/2014 10:21

I wouldn't let DC go swimming with anyone till they were good swimmers. Mine don't even do swim parties till they can swim well either. Just not worth the risk IMO. The changing side wouldn't bother me just because it was a dad.

jellybeans · 08/05/2014 10:22

Just decline and say when she can swim properly.

AngelinaCongleton · 08/05/2014 10:25

If she can't swim I'd go too.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 08/05/2014 10:27

I will tell her she has to wait until another adult is available to go with them. I should have less shifts soon.

She can dress herself, that is not a concern at all. It is just the lack of supervision vs her swimming ability vs her apparent desire to drown Hmm

She won't be happy, but she will have to get over it.

I usually have Sunday mornings off, I might offer to take her friend and our dogs for a walk to the adventure park to make it up to them.

OP posts:
StillWishihadabs · 08/05/2014 10:31

Well played OP. I've have been on the other side of this "oh pleeese can't x and y and z come swimming with us?" For non swimmers (or to be more accurate not confident swimmers) the answer has to be no unless another adult can come.

DIYtrainee · 08/05/2014 10:35

I also wouldn't let my DSs go swimming with someone else until they could swim. Just not worth the risk.

glasgowstevenagain · 08/05/2014 10:41

I will tell her she has to wait until another adult is available to go with them. I should have less shifts soon.

Is her dad not available?

glasgowstevenagain · 08/05/2014 10:41

I ask as if she does not go swimming and then you get called out to work - who will supervise her at home?

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 08/05/2014 10:47

She comes with me, until her dad finishes work. The same as always when I work evenings.

I work literally around the corner from where I live so she has the same privileges as she does at home wrt going to the park, calling on friends etc as long as she checks in frequently.

Her Dad is available later in the evening, but they are going swimming straight from school.

OP posts:
x2boys · 08/05/2014 10:49

Our pool have This rule that its one adult for one child under eight which means myself and dh cannot take both Ds ,s alone we all have to go but dsil can take her two Ds,s aged eight and one alone all well and good except my oldest ds who is seven has been having swimming lessons at the same pool for two years and swims very well and dsil oldest ds aged eight can't swim at all!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 08/05/2014 10:52

Two 7 year olds and a small one? He womt be allowed to take them. At my local it's one adult to each under 8. But over 8's can be unsupervised Hmm

thebodylovesspring · 08/05/2014 10:58

I would say your real problem is your dds inability to swim at 7 not whether she goes with a friend or not.

You need to teach her as it's as important as teaching road safety.

Personally I didn't bother with swimming lessons until after mine could swim and the best best way oy learn to swim is to go lots as a family, splash and have fun and she will learn naturally

Mine had swimming lessons after they could swim to teach style and breathing techniques.

You need to say no and tell her why. Then concentrate in teaching her to swim. It's a vital skill.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 08/05/2014 11:10

I've never had time to take them swimming regularly.

I work evenings and weekends and their dad is useless, he takes them occasionally but it is not normally encouraged because it is more trouble than it's worth and always results in a fight.

I am moving out soon and changing my shifts so that I get every other weekend off, I'm looking forward to making a lot of changes and actually being able to spend time with them doing things with them as opposed to desperately trying to catch up on housework on rare days off.

Dd2 has already booked her first playdate, which involves salt dough, water based paints and homemade pizza, but I will make time for swimming with them regularly. I agree it is an important skill.

OP posts:
kentishgirl · 08/05/2014 11:20

'her apparent desire to drown'

I know this is tongue in cheek but what she really has is a strong desire to learn to swim, and plenty of confidence in the water. These are good things.

You cannot learn to swim with armbands on, all you do is float and vaguely move yourself about. She wants to learn to swim = no armbands in her mind. I hope you don't tell her off for this. When you do take her swimming try no armbands and stay in the shallows - with her attitude she might quickly pick it up even without regular visits. She can sort of doggy paddle already - she's nearly there.

glasgowstevenagain · 08/05/2014 12:21

OP you sound great - if overworked and rushed around.

does dad not know what it takes to be a dad.....:(

Ioethe · 08/05/2014 12:26

Can you get her something like this

www.kiddicare.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/productdisplay0_10751_-1_151412_10001?$ja=tsid:49662&cm_mmc=googlemerchantcenter--nmppla--NULL--NULL&gclid=CInNuOCbnL4CFTQQtAodPjYAQA&gclsrc=aw.ds

Which would be harder to remove? Or is she old enough that you can tell her that she can go only if she agrees not to take the armbands off and she will not be allowed to go swimming again if she does?

StarGazeyPond · 08/05/2014 12:32

I would say your real problem is that your DD takes her armbands off.

Revengeofthechocolatebunny · 08/05/2014 12:41

Agree with kentishgirl

Your DD is confident enough in the water to not be afraid to take the arm bands off. She can almost doggy paddle but hasn't yet learned to pace it so she stays head above water (the preferred option)

Under those circumstances I would think that the swimming pool won't let him in with 3 under 8's. They certainly wouldn't do here.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate with moving out but maybe (if you can) consider swimming lessons to increase your DD's swimming skills as she has the confidence but lacks the technique.

Far easier that way than knowing the technique and lacking confidence.

I say this as I swim like a brick. I know the how to but my brain says "no way" and I am a lot older than 7!