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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? My mate has pissed me off....

44 replies

PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 16:54

I'm feeling a bit hurt and pissed off by my friend's behaviour. DH thinks that I should just shrug it off and not let it bother me which I've been really trying to do.

I have a friend who is very talented. She's a model, dancer and a fantastic singer. I have the utmost faith that she will get far and succeed.

I like to think I have skills of my own and I actually have an audition for the dance company she works for. Since I got the audition (off my own back, even though she's been promising to put in a good word for ages) she's been really weird with me. She hasn't been encouraging at all....despite how much I've tried to encourage her (helping her out with costumes and makeup etc, liking and sharing stuff on facebook for her and the company etc). All she's done since I told her about the audition is try and talk me down.....telling me I don't understand how hard it is....how will I afford this and that...it's really difficult etc. Belittling my skills and experience somewhat.

To be honest, I kind of feel like she likes to be the "performer" in our group of friends and always has to have the attention on her....and she doesn't like the fact that someone else might also be getting somewhere.

This all sounds so petty, but I'm so excited for my opportunity and I really thought she might at least be a bit enthusiastic about it, like I have been for everything she's ever done.

I'm aware this might sound stupid and like I'm about 12 but I'm quite actually really hurt by some of her comments and her attitude. It's like she's trying to laugh off my achievements while taking a bow for her own (which are similar).

AIBU or is she trying to make me be realistic? Am I being a bitch?

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 07/05/2014 16:59

To be honest, I kind of feel like she likes to be the "performer" in our group of friends and always has to have the attention on her....and she doesn't like the fact that someone else might also be getting somewhere

Bang on, in my opinion.

So you either eyeroll, "indulge" her and get on with it, or you openly ask for more support.

"Look, I know you feel that I might find it difficult but I could really do with you stopping the negativity and starting to support me in this".

Tanfastic · 07/05/2014 16:59

She's jealous ?

SquinkiesRule · 07/05/2014 16:59

I'd ignore her and stop telling her anything about it.
She sounds like she wants to be the only one of your friends who is doing well at dancing. Maybe she isn't as great as you think or as great as she makes out, and you being part of the same dance company will out her.
Go and enjoy the audition as much as you can and dance your heart out. If you get in I bet theres stuff she hasn't told you.

MammaTJ · 07/05/2014 17:02

Do you not realise SHE is the star? I mean really, some people trying to steal their friends limelight! How very dare you.

You got through the audition on your own merits and she had nothing to do with it, so well done. She is worried you will overtake her.

Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 17:04
Grin

I love your honesty!

I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable to be a bit miffed.

OP posts:
pictish · 07/05/2014 17:05

To be honest, I kind of feel like she likes to be the "performer" in our group of friends and always has to have the attention on her....and she doesn't like the fact that someone else might also be getting somewhere.

I suspect you have nailed it there.

PrincessBabyCat · 07/05/2014 17:05

She might be trying to forewarn you that it is hard. She might see that you're not quite up to standard and doesn't want to get your hopes up.

I've had a friend get an interview where I work and I know they don't have what we need. I just sort of grit my teeth and smile. I don't know what to say when they ask to put in a good word, because my reputation is on the line and I can't endorse someone that isn't up to par without looking silly and people doubting my word next time. It's an awkward position to be put in, and then when they're done the interview they ask me about if I think they got it. I didn't know what to say to them except "I don't know", even though I knew they didn't and never would. I ended up getting blamed for them not getting it, even though it wasn't my fault.

Anyway, it could be something like that. Or she could just feel threatened that you're encroaching on her work and could possibly take her job.

Congrats on the audition though! :) I hope you get the gig!

Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 17:09

Thank-you Smile

I'm prepared to not get the job, I'll just be made up if I do. She's a better all-round dancer than me, but I have skills in other areas that she doesn't (certain performance type things) and that is why they gave me the audition.

I don't think it helped that I got on really well with the boss when I approached her and I don't have to pay to get into my audition event, whereas she did. I didn't ask for that, I assumed I'd have to pay but she said I didn't.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 07/05/2014 17:19

Your better off getting the job off your own steam.Cant be used against you later.
Sounds like a case of the green eyed monster to me

Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 17:38

I just don't get it. She has so much talent, she really doesn't need to be jealous of me.

OP posts:
frogslegs35 · 07/05/2014 18:10

Maybe jealousy or there's something she's not been telling you and doesn't want you to find out.

I'd personally wait until after the audition to tell her how pissed off you are/were about her negativity. Agree that it's better you got the interview yourself - you've nothing to thank her for.

Good luck, hope you nail your audition.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 07/05/2014 19:04

Congrats and hope you get the job!

Don't let her get you down, she is obviously having difficulty dealing with your possible success. Just see it as a not very nice personality defect. Doesn't mean you can't still be friends...

longjane · 07/05/2014 19:17

Have you thought about these 2 things that you said

" I got on really well with boss when i approached her"
And
" I don't have pay "
To me these " casting couch red flags

I think the boss fancy you and free audition is on your back .

Maybe this what your is trying to tell you.

WooWooOwl · 07/05/2014 19:19

Maybe she just feels a bit wierd about the idea of you working together.

I think I'd probably be a bit apprehensive if one of my friends was about to become a colleague, simply because my work and social life are separate and I'd worry that mixing the two would change the dynamic of both.

I'm sure it's nothing to do with you or your talent, it's more about your position in her life. That shouldn't stop you though, she's just going to have to deal with it.

sassysally · 07/05/2014 19:25

I just don't think she wants to be put in a compromising position.I wonder if she is worried you are going to blame her for not putting a good word in, or worse for saying something negative about you, if you don't get the job.I can kind of understand her wanting to keep an 'arms length' relationship at the moment

Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 19:32

I appreciate the input and you guys may be right. The boss is female and married though, I really don't think there's any element of casting couch about it. I will wait and see what happens with regards to our relationship.

OP posts:
RedRoom · 07/05/2014 19:46

You sound very nice and supportive. She doesn't. That's about it, really!

ThingsThatShine · 07/05/2014 19:52

Agree your mate wants to be the one special performer and not be one of many

Hullygully · 07/05/2014 19:56

It may also be as simple as it being her space and she doesn't want it complicated...

Gurnie · 07/05/2014 19:57

Agree with you OP, she sounds jealous. Good luck to you with your audition, it sounds really exciting!

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 20:01

Perhaps you are more talented than your friend and she is scared of her future.

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 07/05/2014 20:02

I think it stems from insecurity on her part. Maybe she doesn't want to share the limelight or maybe she is worried about you seeing her in a different light if you end up working together.

Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 20:04

Thanks for your lovely comments. The company is a rave/club company so its nothing classical but the money is good and its lots of fun. I can do stuff with fire, that's my special talent.

OP posts:
Original poster
PaintedLady2014 · 07/05/2014 20:07

Veruca, I think you're right. A lot of her self esteem comes from her modelling etc so I'm worried she feels threatened and she really has no need to be.

OP posts:
Gurnie · 07/05/2014 20:09

Wow! Very cool! I bet you will do brilliantly!

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