To get a little annoyed with friend over her 2 yr old...

[KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn]

My friend is a strict disciplinarian and very judgemental about others parenting, not to mention other kids in general. She is a good mum, but stern. Her daughter is very subdued- she is very intelligent and seems happy enough, but she also seems a lot older than 2 because she is always being told disciplined and treated far older than she is, the expectations of her are high. I never see her run around like other two year olds. Mayb this i her personality, but I do think its also down to having strict parents.

My dd regularly plays with her her dd and its lovely. However, her dd always tells my dd off. Everything is no no no am running to her mum telling her what my dd is doing. My dd is 1! I just find it sad that a 2 year old wont play and would rather tell off other kids, as she is always getting told no herself.

My friend n often looks shocked if my dd picks up something she shouldn't etc. I always tell dd no and always show her how to play nice, as kids go she is a typical one year old - into everything but not overly hyper, and I always watch her and will gently say no if she does something she shouldn't.

I feel awkward seein my mate now - as she often critices other peoples parenting I feel she is probably judging mine too, as I am not constantly down my daughters throat saying no and expecting her to be 11 when she is 1.

I do genuinely love my friend, but I am worried this clash will cause problems. AIBU to start to get slightly peeved now at my dd being told no no no by a two year old, all she is doing is playing with toys anyway! My friend seems to be proud of her dd- rather than explain my dd is not actually doing anything wrong! I know this all sounds rather petty, but I do get on well with my friend in every other respect and feel sad that this is starting to make me apprehensive to see her.
There are times I will say to friends dd that my dd is just playing and it is ok, but it is tiresome as she just seems to be waiting for dd to do the next thing and then run and say no. Its very sad that she will not just play !

Hmm. I think this will only become more prominent as time goes on, as it sounds like your friend wants to be the perfect mother of a perfect child.
If it aggravates you now, wait till her dd is talking fluently!

Ugh, how annoying. When DSs' friends try to tell them off or get me to tell them off I firmly tell them 'Please don't say that, it is MY place to tell my boys off, not theirs. I am their mummy, not them, thank you. Off you go and play nicely now.'

I've done it in front of their mums, too....

She is only 2. It is common for two year olds to play alongside other children rather than 'play nicely' together. It may be that your parenting styles make the friendship untenable as the children get older.

pictush I think so too... Gulp.

diy I wish I had the front to do that! I will be more assertive about things, I am rather assertive anyway, but I hate any awkwardness. However it hs to be done.

I really care for my friend, but she does want to be the perfect parent and have the perfect dd and unfortunately that isn't life!

indigo I am aware of them not playing nicely until 3. Sorry I didnt mean playing nicely with eachother as such- just it would be nice of they played , rather than friends dd just watch dd and moan basically! It's not the two year olds fault obviously, but its tiresome ...

Other two years just play and moan and then play some mre! Friends dd just moans and says no no no all the time. Its sad to watch. And my mate seems ok with this, I find it odd. Let a 2 year old be a two year old, surely?

You could say 'gosh, she's very negative at the moment, isn't she?' and see what reaction you get.

Maybe she doesn't see how bad it looks.

My friend is constantly telling my DD to the point now, I dont wanna spend time with her.

My DD is 7 and autistic, not a naughty child, she doesnt need telling off every 30 seconds.

I understand the irritation, and the 2 yr old will be like that at 30.

YANBU, I would absolutely not accept my daughter constantly being "told off" when she's doing nothing wrong, and I'd be wondering whether the 2yos behaviour was going to rub off on my daughter and I also have a moaner on my hands. You could do as DIY suggests and make a comment, or you could go the direct route and actually talk about it to your friend. I'm usually a wuss at confrontation and go the passive route of disconnecting and creating space. I am wondering how much you're going to enjoy this friendship, if your friend is that judgemental she probably won't think she's doing anything wrong and will put the problem on you and your daughter. This situation will really grate over time.

Can't you say to her "I'm dd's mummy and I make the rules for her just like your mummy makes your rules. Different mummies have different rules."
Hopefully her mum will pick up on it.

Your friend is judgemental of parenting styles. Evidently so are you... You have just passed judgement on her parenting style here. To be honest, i think the way the daughter behaves with yours sounds very natural and harmless ("look mum! I've seen something unfamiliar") but I agree with the others that this might just get more annoying as you go along. If you're going to say anything, just be clear what's innocent toddler-observation, and what is criticism.

My friend seems to be proud of her dd- rather than explain my dd is not actually doing anything wrong!

Why don't you say 'She is only playing, she is not doing anything wrong'?

I rather have my daughter have fun and run around then be an 'good' child and be telling other children off and not having fun.

It is not down to her parenting, she has an intelligent child who does what she is told. Lets see what her next child is like and see if she's such an snob then.

Just meet her without the children?

What Owllady said. Or you probably won't be friends for much longer.

Yes meet sans DCs

You obviously value the friendship

You could even say something along the lines of 'the children aren't getting along very well atm so let's not force them together, and ooh look, new wine bar?'

You need to try and be more confident in your own rules.
If your child is allowed to do x or y in your house then it's not for anyone else to make you feel bad.
You say you are feeling secretly judged but our response to that seems to be to become almost apologetic about what your child is doing.

Practice actually saying what you think
'don't tell her off - she is allowed to do that. Plus you are not in charge'

If you kep backing off it will get worse and your friend will start to believe her DD is giving you parenting lessons.

Apart from anything else your DD is going to get confused. You might want to say (loudly) 'you are allowed to play with that, arn't you DD, you good girl!'

DD has a friend whose mother is like this, except that both girls are 13. This friend has her life so micromanaged with various worthy after school activities that I wonder if one day she might rebel against it all. They don't see so much of each other and often when DD texts the friend to see if she wants to come over the friend says she would love to but she isn't allowed to because she has to practice her musical instrument, do homework or go to a relative's house etc.

I know it isn't just DD, but other girls that the friend was friendly with at primary school have dropped contact because she hasn't been allowed to see them either.

Basically, does this annoy you enough to limit / drop friendship? It doesn't sound like you like the 2 yr old very much, which you don't have to, but she is only 2 and most (all) 2 yr olds can be a bit annoying just in different ways.

I don't think it's purely about parents and their rules, as lots of kids go through a bit of a "muuuum, SiblingX did such-and-such thing" phase, or a "no, SiblingX don't do that, do this, no like this LIKE THIS" - perhaps different 'rules' for age appropriateness but same parents. Some of it is developmental, some of it is personality, some of it is parental expectations.

Goodness me, she sounds like a typical bossy 2yr old.

There's more than a hint of irony here at you calling your friend 'judgemental', considering all the judging of her and her DD you've done on this thread

Just chill.

Haha that's what I was going to say Worra, but then I felt a bit bad for maligning 2 yr olds!

I particularly love the slightly older 2/3 yr olds when they manage to simultaneously egg the little ones on and grass them up - gleefully shouting "Sibling X, sibling X, mummy, sibling X is splashing in my potty wee!"

At 2 she must just be a bit bossy. Dd can be like this, far more infuriating when the constant 'no' was to her little brother and I was harping on about being the mummy and enforcing the rules!

Just say nicely that you are in charge and to let your Dd play.

Yep. I find most 2yr olds are like mini head teachers

Or the person who does visas in any embassy, anywhere.

Slightly older children are always bossy and moany about younger ones. DS1 tells DS2 off and constantly complains about him. In turn, his elder cousin is all smug and snitchy about DS1. Normal pecking order.

Depending on whether an actual offence has been committed, I say stop committing offence and stop telling tales.
Or if it is just bossing I just say brightly "well that's ok because he's allowed to". If your friend has other rules, she'll soon get the message that this is something you just think differently about - such is life!