To get a little annoyed with friend over her 2 yr old...

[KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn]

My friend is a strict disciplinarian and very judgemental about others parenting, not to mention other kids in general. She is a good mum, but stern. Her daughter is very subdued- she is very intelligent and seems happy enough, but she also seems a lot older than 2 because she is always being told disciplined and treated far older than she is, the expectations of her are high. I never see her run around like other two year olds. Mayb this i her personality, but I do think its also down to having strict parents.

My dd regularly plays with her her dd and its lovely. However, her dd always tells my dd off. Everything is no no no am running to her mum telling her what my dd is doing. My dd is 1! I just find it sad that a 2 year old wont play and would rather tell off other kids, as she is always getting told no herself.

My friend n often looks shocked if my dd picks up something she shouldn't etc. I always tell dd no and always show her how to play nice, as kids go she is a typical one year old - into everything but not overly hyper, and I always watch her and will gently say no if she does something she shouldn't.

I feel awkward seein my mate now - as she often critices other peoples parenting I feel she is probably judging mine too, as I am not constantly down my daughters throat saying no and expecting her to be 11 when she is 1.

I do genuinely love my friend, but I am worried this clash will cause problems. AIBU to start to get slightly peeved now at my dd being told no no no by a two year old, all she is doing is playing with toys anyway! My friend seems to be proud of her dd- rather than explain my dd is not actually doing anything wrong! I know this all sounds rather petty, but I do get on well with my friend in every other respect and feel sad that this is starting to make me apprehensive to see her.
There are times I will say to friends dd that my dd is just playing and it is ok, but it is tiresome as she just seems to be waiting for dd to do the next thing and then run and say no. Its very sad that she will not just play !

I would have to say something to the friend. I would say that I would rather friends dd did not tell off my dd as she is getting confused when friends dd tells her off when she isn't doing anything wrong. I would then ask if she could keep an eye out for it and ask her dd to leave telling off to you. Very casual, no attitude. I can't see that she would have a problem with that if she is a decent friend.

If you start telling her dd off for it, your friend is just going to be pissed off I think.

To be fair the mum might be a bit precious and annoying but the 2 year old might just be a bossy child, my two girls were both bossy at that age. They would have made great sergeant majors at the time but it was just a phase...they both turned out very well

I'm shocked at the posters suggesting comebacks to say to the 2 year old...really? She's two, just a baby herself.

I don't think they are comebacks to the two year old as such, but a message to the mother that it is inappropriate and aggravating for her daughter to be so uptight.

...uptight to the OP's dd that is......

I have a 1-yr-old and tbh all the 2 year olds we know are very bossy towards him and tell him not to do stuff, touch things etc no matter how their parents are with them.

It does sound like your friend is a bit ott but I've learnt there's not much you can do about others' parenting.

My friend is like this with her 5 year old dd. she is so strict. Doesn't let her walk in grass incase she gets dirty, doesn't let her run around etc. my ds's are always running about, covered in muck, playing wrestling with each other etc.

I don't see the friend as much anymore because I was just sick of her dd telling tales every two minutes! Plus the friend is so judgemental of others parenting and criticizes all her friends/sil/sister so I figure she talks about mine behind my back.

Her dd is a lovely child and well behaved but she is like a doll and can be a little diva aswell!

I remember once her dd drew on my tv! I was delighted as her mother was speechless (and it came off) but my friend turned and said 'which one of the boys thought you that?!' Rather then give out to her!

Her dd and my eldest ds are in the same school. I was praying they wouldn't be in the same class as when they were in nursery she would be testing him to see how much he knew in comparison to her daughter.

Also when her dd starts telling tales for little thigs like running in the grass etc I just say 'no X, my dc are aloud do that.'

The mum is undoubtedly pfb (there I go judging again) i do judge her but, she judges everyone under the sun! Admittedly I feel bad now though. She is very generous and has been very helpful so I should maybe just let it go. I feel bad for saying this now...

It is a dilemma for me though, to the poster who said I dont like the 2 year old, that is def not the case- she is a bloody baby. I just find her behaviour tiresome.

Sometimes when you have a completely different approach to parenting to your friend, the friendship can suffer. I know this from experience myself.
Yes, of course you can arrange to meet sans kiddy...but even the most social animal (like me) can find those occasions few and far between. When you have a young family, that tends to dominate and take precedence, and if your kids don't gel, or other problems pertaining to the parenting/family element arise, it can be hard to get past it.

It is quite telling that my two closest friends parent very much like I do.

I have this problem with a friend currently, so I'm reading with great interest! Her DD isn't allowed to crayon, paint, walk on grass, climb on the climbing frame .... it makes meeting up draining as she keeps telling my DD 'oh no, we don't do that ...' and I'm having to say 'oh yes we do!'. I'm keeping my distance a little now. I wouldn't say I'm a lax parent, but she clearly thinks I'm filthy borderline neglectful for letting my 2 year old use chalks .....

"I remember once her dd drew on my tv! I was delighted as her mother was speechless (and it came off) but my friend turned and said 'which one of the boys thought you that?!' Rather then give out to her!"

You see...the drawing on the tv would annoy me far less than the parent's blame deflecting. You can replace a tv if needs be, but you can't make someone not be a dick.

I know, I didn't care about the tv. Couldn't believe the cheek of her!

At 2yo they are often bossy tell tales. They're just beginning to learn rules, and think those rules apply to everyone and all the time. I remember ds looking hard at dh and saying "you should hold the bannister all the time on the stairs or you might fall..."

And the not running etc. is much more likely to be personality. Dd1 didn't particularly go in for running, and was much happier when doing "a real grown up job" with me than playing with toys. Unfortunately, now she's 13yo and able to do the jobs well, her enthusiasm has run away. Dd2 was much more a run round and play with toys child. Nothing to do with my expectations, just what they liked to do.

For dd1 she worried if she saw another child doing something she perceived to be wrong. Not because she felt it unfair or bad the other child was doing, but because she worried about the consequences-like it being broken/spoilt. She was always very careful of her things and hates things to be spoilt.
Dd2 otoh liked to try different things and see what happened. At 10yo we still have the cry of "I didn't know that would happen" at times. Like balancing a breakable plate on your head and it falling and breaking is a huge surprise...

And 2yo, may seem huge and grown up to your 1yo. But actually they're just learning what is right and wrong in playing. So to a 2yo who has learnt that a car pushes along the floor, picking it upside down and whizzing the wheels round is wrong. They have learnt this is the "right" way to play it, and all they're interested in is imparting that knowledge to those who don't know it.

It would make me shrink back from the friendship twoplus.
Life is too short to spend it with people who get on your tits that way, if you can choose not to.

That blame game crap would piss me off too, things can be cleaned and replaced.

Blame gaming sticks though.

I rarely see the friend anymore and when I do it's without kids. There's loads of stories I could tell you about her. It's funny though, she comments on every mothers parenting style but spends so little time with her own child. She has afterschool activities every day afterschool and spends the weekend with her granny. She was in full time crèche from when she was 4 months old even though her mum didn't work.

Thats rather sad Two, growing up not really bonding with your own mum.