to be enjoying my new baby?

[MrsAtticus]

I have a one month old dd and a toddler. Yes I'm tired, and looking at my saggy tummy in dismay, but mostly i'm overjoyed and relishing this time which will pass so quickly.
But when people ask how I'm doing, and I tell them how much I'm enjoying it I feel like I've given the wrong answer, and get some strange and often slightly catty remarks.
I'm grateful of course that I have a fairly settled baby, still, it's not a walk in the park. AIBU to be enjoying it anyway? Why don't people like me to say that?

I would be slightly envious to hear you say that and may not react in the best way sorry . No catty remarks, as that's not my thing, but I might look a bit sad or warn you it gets harder, which isn't necessarily true or at all helpful. The reason being that I found the first 8 months or so with two positively hellish.

But YANBU to be enjoying it.

Thanks, I thought that might be it, I'll perhaps try and tone down my enthusiasm slightly
...and it might well get harder, don't think dd has quite woken up yet.

I loved the time after ds2 was born too. Ds1 was 22 months and not the least bit jealous. We had a bit more money than we had when ds1 arrived and had moved to a little house with a garden from a flat. We had a great routine and lots of friends with same age children. 16.5 years on I often think fondly of these days and wonder if it was really so perfect

I didn't enjoy the first few months with my second baby, which is really sad, and I think if you'd said that to me at the time I'd have felt guilty, and inadequate, and so possibly reacted badly. However, I loved the time when my third was tiny, so see where you're coming from :-)

Enjoy, but appreciate that some people will really be struggling and won't want to hear how mcuh you're loving it!

I hope I feel like this come September, OP!

they are jealous thats all, they may have had a hard time with their own, you understand more with second and subsequent babies how fast the time passes and you try to make the most of it, ime second babies grow way faster than the first ones did, hold on to every moment. another strange thing I noticed, when you are an older mum with a newborn, people expect you to be blissed out and dont like to hear you say if you are finding it hard!

I had the same when dd was born. I suffer anxiety and depression so I think everyone expected me to crash and burn but dd is amazing!! She has been the happiest baby ever, we have had the odd rough patch but overall I have loved every second.

People have this weird idea that everyone struggles and whilst a lot do there are also a heck of a lot who don't.

Glad you are enjoying it!!!

Yanbu, it's your experience. But it probably depends on having a fairly amenable toddler and low stress, well sleeping baby. The thought of combining one of my hurricane force toddlers with one of my reflux screamer nightmare babies makes me want to run away with the circus!

No, YANBU to be enjoying your new baby, what a silly question!

I cannot believe someone posted that they'd be unhappy/feel snarky that you said such a thing...really? If so they honestly need to grow up and stop thinking/behaving like a bitchy teenager.

I am happy for you that you are enjoying your baby, I hope to be the same way when I'm due my first in August! xxx

I struggled when my first was born but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to struggle and wouldn't have said anything nasty. DS2 is 9 weeks and I'm l8ving it so far.

I hope things stay lovely for you OP and don't tone it down, be honest.

Living, not l8ving. Unless that's some cool txtspk...

I think that's a fantastic way to feel and long may it continue - I've had good and bad postnatal experiences and wouldn't wish the latter on anyone - you're completely right about time flying, I can remember clearly my 9yo as a newborn.

Loving. Argh!

Loving it but clearly tired or still suffering with sausage fingers!

Oh, how sad that you get that reaction! I feel the same - DS is nearly three weeks and DD is 2.1. Sure, I have yet to achieve more than two hours sleep at a stretch and DD is a handful and a half, but I'm utterly blissed out on happy hormones and genuinely can't believe how lucky I am to have them both. So no, YANBU - huge congratulations and cherish every minute.

Nice to hear of other people enjoying their babies, but am also feeling slightly awful that I might have been treading on the feelings of people who are struggling/struggled.

YANBU! I think it's really lovely you are enjoying it and really sad if others are being funny about it

I think I enjoyed the time with each baby more tbh. I just felt more like I knew what I was doing, felt more relaxed, already had friends with similar age kids and things we liked to do etc. And with second/subsequent babies you don't have the absolute culture shock of becoming a parent Already being used to the lack of sleep helped me enormously!

My baby is a month old very easy going, and sleeps 5 hrs at a time at night since birth. :) I gush about my baby when people ask. They get a little upset that I'm getting reasonable sleep and not having to self sacrifice. They get more upset when they find out I have a hands on husband too who loves spending time with his baby and is happy to share baby duty.

I've gotten snarky remarks of "good baby, bad teenager" and "just wait until she can move and get into things".

I just rub it in a bit out of spite ignore people that are snarky or upset when I don't complain about being tired or try to play the "super hero mom martyr". They'll get over themselves. Don't ask if you don't want to know.

I'm really struggling to have a baby and have just had a miscarriage from ivf number 1. I think what you have is so precious and wonderful I can't understand why anyone wouldn't also be over the moon for you!

Sod the nasty people, let your happiness done shine out. I hope to join you soon, even though it's quite unlikely

It's lovely that you're enjoying your baby :)

I had horrendous pnd after a terrible birth with dd 11 years ago and I don't think I can even remember the first 2 years I was so highly medicated and depressed. It was awful. (Dd knows none of that however and we are now very close and I love her to bits).

2 years ago I had another baby after swearing I never would. I really wanted to experience and remember all of it and even though he was the baby from hell in many ways re sleep and reflux I enjoyed and loved every second of it all... from my chosen elective section to sniffing his head all day long and cuddling him all the time. Such a healing experience for me.

Children are marvellous. :)

For those who are struggling? Yes, be sensitive and maybe tone it down.

Those who struggled in the past? Hmm, I think if they're being catty then they just need to get over it.

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Let's face it, it's the love of that adorable creature that gets us through it if we had difficult babies and times. I still remember the emotions just looking at my DS in my arms.

Thanks for the words of encouragement! jellie I had multiple miscarraiges, and I know how it feels to question whether it will ever happen. I hope and pray you get what you want.

OP you sound really nice! I'm pregnant with DC2. DD was such hard work and I was jealous of anyone who could get their baby to sleep but knew that was totally unreasonable of me and would never have said anything. It's lovely of you to care what people think but you are being completely reasonable to be happy and you really don't need to hide it!

jellie what a lovely and generous post. Hope you do get to join the OP very soon.