To assume practically zero chance of pregnancy

[DearJ17]

So this is somewhat embarrassing for a grown woman (hence the NN change...)

We have just started TTC. Trying to take a fairly relaxed approach (although my starting this thread would perhaps suggest I'm lying to myself). Having some fun of the heavy petting variety one morning resulting in DH having what I'm going to call an 'external happy ending'. We cheerfully resolve to try a more targeted approach later on that day and with the full, laughing consent of all parties (I'm really not some crazed L Jones type) I shovel up what has landed on my arm and, well, stuff it up my wazoo. Every little helps, and all that.

Anyway, illness and work swiftly and unkindly intervene and that turns out to be my only close encounter of the sperm kind during my fertile window. Pretty sure I ovulated the following day.

So AIBU to assume we're out of the running, get seriously stuck into some cocktails at this party at the weekend and generally forget about it until next time? I should add, I'm really not getting my hopes up. I am well aware that plenty of women wait for months and years - I may even turn out to be one of them.

Or should I observe 2ww rules just in case? I would be a bit more abstemious if there was a genuine chance. Can anyone give me some odds? Or share your accidental conception stories for my amusement/unreasonable encouragement...

I have never given up alcohol while waiting to see if I was pregnant-did'nt even realise it was a thing! I have been pregnant 10 times btw. I probably would have a few drinks but not get smashed.

No stories but and good luck!

Have a drink unless you are mainlining jager bombs and smoking crack you will not do the embryo any harm.

Test before you go, if it's not positive assume no implantation and drink as you please! Sensible compromise?

There's a possibility you could be pregnant, but it's too early for you to do the embryo any harm if there is one. How long ago did this happen though? The only thing I'd say is that some women have mistaken pregnancy for an extra bad hangover...

Wazoo! Arf

I'd say to go ahead and have a bevvy. As pp said it's unlikely to do any harm unless you're linsay lohanning it

I don't really think it matters that early on because they embryo isn't actually attached to your bloodstream IYSWIM? Could well be wrong though.

Anecdotally, I was hungover the day I found out I was pregnant. DD seems alright.

There are 2ww rules?

The embryo (if there is one) will not be sharing your blood supply for a good while yet. Live as normal.

I also never gave up alcohol in the 2ww, you really don't need to unless you are going to go out on a massive binge... depends what you mean by "seriously stuck in..." I guess.

I would think it's unlikely you'd get pregnant from this as the usual, erm, processes fire the sperm a lot higher up your "wazoo" (love it!) than you would have managed with your fingers. FWIW I probably wouldn't have done this due to the (slight) risk of infection so perhaps next time just wash it off!!

you're funny! I would have done the same with the, ahem, external deposit.

There is a small chance that you could get pg like this... that's why they say to put the condom on before the sperm delivery unit penis comes anywhere near you...

OTOH, as a seasoned TTCer (currently 1 year+ for this attempt), I'd say drink yourself silly during the TWW. Well, not all day every day, but as once (or twice off), definitely OK. In the 2 weeks between conception and you knowing for definite, the embryo gets its nutrition from the yolk sac, and while this is influenced by what you eat and drink, this is far less so than once the placenta takes over at about 8 weeks. In fact, I suspect because of the way the female reproductive system works, your long term diet and drinking activities have as much bearing on this stage as what happens right now. I know one woman does not make for any more than anecdote, but with DS1 I didn't know I was pg till 8 weeks, and had done plenty of drinking during those 6 weeks (newly weds, honeymoon, all inclusive holiday..). We then TTC for 7 months, had a mc then another 4 months to get pg with DS2. if I'd held off all non-pregnancy-friendly activities during the TWW for those 11 months I'd have driven myself crazy.

Good luck.

There are no 2ww rules! You can't spend half of every month acting as if you are pregnant. If it takes you longer than 2 months that would quickly become tiresome. Getting totally wasted is not a great idea for your fertility or his, but normal drinking is fine.

Thanks everyone! I feel a bit less weird now. Have given up attempting to google pregnancy odds (choosing the search terms was somewhat challenging) and have instead researched and reassured myself re drinking in TWW. Party is likely to be raucous so will only go medium Lohan.

Hadn't even thought about infection risk, Moggle. Eek. Had assumed my hands were no filthier than your average peen. Perhaps next time I'll enter the bedroom fully scrubbed up, gloved arms aloft. Should really heighten the mood.

Forgot to add - party would be 7dpo (assumed). So probably fine. Maybe I'll do a live POAS in 11 days' time and you can help me pick a name for my PFB. I'm thinking Fingerbang Oscar for a boy; Happy Ending Mae for a Girl.

I am a doctor and have been pregnant 4 times and I don't know what "2ww rules" are! Just be sensible as others have said. Regular heavy drinking/smoking etc isn't good for fertility, but that's about it!

medium Lohan

Yep, party on OP. Slim chances anyway and even if this is a little miracle baby, as the others have said you won't do any harm with a bit of judicious drinking. Good luck TTC!

Haha Dear I wouldn't expect hands would be too germy but I don't like to make assumptions about what other people define as heavy petting ;-) hopefully your DH disinfected his cock beforehand ;-) that orange soap they use pre- surgery might probably be most arousing!

I'm really hoping you have a boy.

Oh god Moggle that's a mental image to conjure with. I might go the whole hog and have one of those FMD foot dips installed by the bedroom door. Lie on the bed attempting to look alluring in a crotchless hazmat suit.

Oh god that's a mental image to conjure with.

"Not tonight dear, we're out of sheep dip"

Thanks for the !

I will also from now on be measuring my drinking on the Lohan scale! Medium for me tomorrow

I honestly thought alcohol in the really early cell dividing stages was a very bad idea. Not a dr though so you need to google it or ask on the fertility board ( some of themedics are coming across as it being their opinion rather than the facts.)

And yes i've always avoided alcohol in the 2ww.

V. funny thread. I think if you had a lot of very fertile ("eggwhite") cervical fluid hanging around at the time then there is a chance but presumably the odds are not high. There was a regular Just 17 story along these lines though as I remember . . .

my DD was conceived under just these circumstances :)

Just sayin'.....

Ooh really ClaireWitch? This is the sort of story I was secretly hoping for. Does this mean I can start kidding myself phantom symptom spotting?