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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect FIL to

34 replies

Beemer30 · 04/05/2014 23:31

Turn the fecking TV off when we visit.

We have two young children just under 3 and 4 months. We go there every Sunday and it's always the same. TV on for no actual reason. Trying to encourage 3 year old to watch it regardless of what is on. 4 month old was getting v pissed off cause she was so tired and just wanted some peace without the TV blaring. I only watch TV if there is something I specifically want to watch. I let my 3 year old watch it sometimes if she asks but I don't want it forced on her. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/05/2014 23:42

Yes YABU

You are two different people

You don't have the TV on all the time and he does

It 'affects' your family once a week for a matter of hours

Ok, it's not how I would do things when my family come to visit, but it's no big deal really, is it?

Joules68 · 04/05/2014 23:45

You need to accept people don't all stop/ change just for your dc.....

Original poster
Beemer30 · 04/05/2014 23:45

Trying to have a conversation is quite hard which is surely the polite thing to do. If he doesn't want to know about his grandchildren etc and would rather watch trash on TV maybe we should just not bother going. Basic etiquette isn't it?

OP posts:
MostWicked · 04/05/2014 23:47

Have you ever asked him to?
I tend to think that in his house, it's up to him, but there is nothing wrong with you asking.

MajesticWhine · 04/05/2014 23:47

My ILs do this, (among various other crimes). But I'm sure we do things that offend them when they visit us. So I guess it's no big deal.
YABU

SweetDreamz1 · 04/05/2014 23:50

What does your DH think?

Original poster
Beemer30 · 04/05/2014 23:50

They don't ever visit us because they can't be bothered. So unless we make an effort DCs would never see them.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 04/05/2014 23:50

I agree it is extremely ignorant to leave TV on when people visit.

You can't watch the TV and communicate with the visitors at the same time. Press the record button if you must and turn it off. I don't know anyone that would keep a TV blaring while people visit.

Roshbegosh · 04/05/2014 23:52

If they aren't bothered about seeing the DCs then that is why they would rather watch TV. Don't go. Do something nice instead.

Original poster
Beemer30 · 04/05/2014 23:52

It's second nature to him. It's how he was brought up. It's alien to me.

OP posts:
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 04/05/2014 23:53

My DPil is a bit like this. I learned long ago that he simply wasn't brought up with the normal social niceties and genuinely doesn't know any better. He's like it when he comes to visit us, he'll wander in and turn our tv on regardless of whether his dgc's are here or not. Hmm

Bogeyface · 04/05/2014 23:56

I was the child in this scenario and even I thought it was rude!

I remember when I was about....4/5 ish? asking my mum why he had to go and visit grandma and grandad when all they did was watch the telly and moan at us kids. Mum said she didnt know Wink

It got worse as we got older because Gma didnt like the noise we made as she was trying to watch the snooker/Ski Sunday/Highway to Heaven (yes, really) so me, DSis and our cousins got banished to the tiny hall with nothing at all to play with and nothing to do. Then suddenly once a week became once every month or so.

I was talking to mum about it not long ago and she said that it turned out that the only reason we went was because mum and dad could see my aunty and uncle, and we could see our cousins. We all got on really well. After one conversation between mum and aunt (the DILs) it transpired they were all on the same page, so we just went to theirs or they came to ours once a week! In the meantime Dad and Uncle would visit Gma and Gdad on their own and never once did they mention us or the fact that we didnt visit as often so clearly they didnt miss us or our mums!

Oddly enough though, I became very close to them when I was an adult, so I dont think they get on with kids very well. Bit unfortunate seeing as they had 7 of their own!

SweetDreamz1 · 04/05/2014 23:56

Looks like you are outnumbered. If DH and FIL like it so much, then you have to lump it

Original poster
Beemer30 · 04/05/2014 23:57

I think you have nailed it Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme just find it sad that he doesn't interact with his dgc.

OP posts:
DrinkMoreWater · 04/05/2014 23:59

I wouldn't bother going if it's it's not a nice way to spend a Sunday. Life's too short.

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:00

Sounds like your DH is not bothered by the lack of interaction

DrinkMoreWater · 05/05/2014 00:01

The fact is - yes, it's sad he doesn't interact with his dgc, but the fact is - he doesn't. He doesn't appear to get much out of the visit, neither do you and the children certainly don't. They are only young once and for such a short time before they're off with friends instead - why waste your precious weekends doing something so unrewarding all around??

Original poster
Beemer30 · 05/05/2014 00:01

Ha DH is another story altogether!

OP posts:
Hissy · 05/05/2014 00:03

Why on earth do you do this every sunday?

Cerisier · 05/05/2014 00:03

It sounds grim. Do they really want you and the DC visiting? Personally I would say something, perhaps along the lines of not wanting the 3YO to watch as she gets too tired. Then if they still do the same thing next time I wouldn't be busting a gut to go there. It sounds like an episode of the Royle Family.

Original poster
Beemer30 · 05/05/2014 00:03

Cause I'm a prized twat!

OP posts:
SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:03

Tell DH to go on his own with the DC

Original poster
Beemer30 · 05/05/2014 00:05

Yeah it's very Royle Family! I think now the summer is here we might be able to make other plans. MIL isn't as bad tbh.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 05/05/2014 00:05

It is rude and sends a clear message that you and your DCs are not interesting to them.

I'd cut the visits dramatically.

Hissy · 05/05/2014 00:07

Have you forgotten? You have that next weekend.

Ooh, and the next...

Etc

Wink