Hi all. I'm looking for a bit of impartiality here, just so I know if I'm justified in being miffed.
But.. Before I start - I'm not looking to break up with my DP...
Oh.. It's a loong post too..
Ok..
My girlfriend and I had a rocky patch about a month ago and we came close to breaking up.
But.. We sorted things and it's now (a lot) better.
On Thursday she asks me "what do you think I should do?"
After getting some haemoglobin to of granite, I found out that it was her works annual do (they work over Xmas and so have an amazing black tie event about this time every year).
Last year, she invited me, but cancelled at the last minute..
This year, when they asked her if we were going, she procrastinated. When it came to the cut off date, it coincided with the rough patch.
She told me that she had assumed that we wouldn't be together now, so. She said she would be going alone.
When she told me, I felt heartbroken, almost betrayed.. Because she had given in completely on us. God knows how we made it through this if she felt this way.
I'd really wanted to go last year. I haven't had an occasion (other than funerals) to put on a suit in nearly a decade. TBH I am gutted that I'm not going - one of the reasons that I don't trust my judgement on this.
I love going out, but we haven't been out for anything more than a carvery for months and we haven't been out for a night out for over a year.
However.. She asked me what she should do.
I said that I was really hurt that she had so little (no) faith in the relationship just a few weeks ago, but that I didn't have a problem with her going (perhaps a little white lie).. Because I presumed that she wouldn't go.. If I'd had so little faith in her and booked to go out without her..??
Well.. I wouldn't do that.
That night she said she needed to get some bits an pieces and.. She forgets what the last thing was.. from town - did I want to come?
Well.. Sure. She knows that I need some stuff.
In the morning, it turns out that she wanted to go buy something to wear to this black tie event.
I declined to go with her. I didn't swear, but I was rather grumpy.
She comes back from town.
The garment is tried on.
It doesn't fit....
She is gutted. I can tell that.
I offer to go with her to the shopping centre about an hour away, so she can see if she can get the right size (they didn't have the next size up, in town).
I understand having to buy the next size up is traumatic.. Only beaten by the sickness as you realise that you don't fit in the size you bought.
This is all compounded by the fact she is dieting really hard.
We go to the "mall".
They don't have what she wants.
Cue tears. While i drove her there to be supportive, I look like some abusive partner in front of thousands of people, because of some fucking clothing, bought for an occasion that has been a dagger in my heart.
She decides she isn't going.
This makes my blood boil.
She was quite happy to go, knowing she has really, really hurt me..
But now she can't get one particular outfit...?
I feel used, cheap and completely and utterly expendable. Worth precisely zero to her.
I have no idea why I'm here tbh.
We come home.
She breaks down, tells me how important this outfit was - how bad she feels about her figure because her diet isn't yet yielding the results (it is, by the way)..
It's a long drawn out sobbing thing where she breaks out all the excuses... And somehow makes all this my fault..
We were close to breaking up,
'Most' other people aren't bring partners, and so on and on.
She's genuinely upset and can NOT see how I feel. She's too far gone. She suffers from depression and sometimes.. Well.. Allowances have to be made.
Usually she comes round later, apologises and makes up for how she's acted.
I bite down the feelings of actual anger. Hold her while she sobs. Tell her I love her.
This morning, she has got up early and bought another outfit.
This one fits.
She's spent the whole day upstairs getting ready, ignoring my kids visit completely (I'm divorced).
And now... She's come down and informed me that it is expected that I drop her off and pick her up later.
I am so ap-so-fucking-lutely furious I can barely speak.. and so hurt that I can barely breathe.
So. Please... AIBU?