BIL's Wedding: Abroad, in termtime, aaargh!

[Barefootgirl]

I am actually more upset by this than I realised at first. I'll try not to drip feed, so this might be long, please bear with me.

My BIL (DH's brother) is getting married in Greece next year. No particular reason for choosing Greece, beyond that its nice and hot and not too expensive. The wedding is on a Thursday, they want everyone to fly out on the previous Saturday and stay until the following Saturday. It will be the last week in June/beginning of July.

In principle, I think this is quite a nice idea. HOWEVER;

it is term-time! My DD is 11 and at special school. There is no way they will allow me to take her out for a whole week. My personal view is that in termtime, children should be at school unless they are ill. The school will fine us, to the tune of £60 per parent per day, so £720 for the five days.

BUT

Its DH's brother. I suggested to DH that he goes alone. He doesn't want to go without me, plus everyone will be upset if we are not at the wedding, it will look like a deliberate slight, cause huge family ructions, etc.

We havent been on holiday as a family since 2009, due to illness, unemployment, serious financial issues, etc. DH has been away for long weekends, etc with his friends, but I have been stuck here caring for DD. This would actually be our first holiday in 6 years, and i desperately need a break.

The wedding is not until July 2015. I have 14 months of stress about this. I actually feel very resentful towards my BIL for putting us into this position. He has a DD of his own, but she will be 16 by then, so presumably it won't matter so much for her.

I got married abroad (where I'm from) - beforehand we ran the options of locations past our friends. We also expected that some people were not able to make it.

Also told people not to get presents due to them travelling and put on a free catered event beforehand and paid for everything at the reception including the drinks.

Greece sounds amazing - May be just the break you need?

You sound like you really need a holiday. If its 60 per week for the fine just go!!

I got married in term time on a friday. Dsis was in NI at the time. To be totally honest, it hadn't even occurred to me that it was in school time! (no children of my own)

I work in a SS and we never fine anyone for going in holiday, I'm in NI. that might make a difference.
DD is doing gcse's this year and her last one is on the 13th of June, that's her last day at school.

When I read your original post I thought you shouldn't go - like you I'm really anti taking DCs out of school in term time and also anti selfish sods who get married abroad and then cause a fuss when not everyone can come.

However in light of your further posts i.e. school not so great, holiday not so expensive in term time, might already be finished exams, plus and this is a biggie - you sound like you desperately could do with a holiday, so I'm gradually changing my mind.

What I'd do is price it all up including an estimate for the fine and the looking after the pets and see if you can afford it. Like you both my DH is a contractor so he loses money when he isn't working, but people need time off, so he takes holidays. Make an informed choice once you have added up the costs - but remember if you don't go then your DH will probably have to go on his own and pay single supplement so it might work out better in the long run if you all went.

reading your update i would say go if you want to go. The fine will not be per day and you may get permission for exceptional circumstances as that is the heads decision.

umm not sure if anyone has pointed it out the fine can be per week or per day depending on the LA

if you not attending is the end of the world be happy the world clearly revolves around you

I just wouldn't go. If the inlaws make a fuss you explain its term time at school so you can't get the time off and if they wanted you there then they should have asked when the school holidays were.
Your husband can go/ not go as he sees fit.
If I had a midweek term wedding I wouldn't expect my relatives who are teachers or have school age kids to come and would be apologetic that I'd arranged it so they couldn't come.