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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly "On the back foot" with my new neighbour?

75 replies

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 22:09

If you don't know the term...it means I'm a bit suspicious of her....we have just moved into a flat...me, DH and our DC. She lives with her baby across the corridor....she's nice and friendly but a bit "too" friendly somehow.

She could be lonely I suppose...on her own with her baby...but she quite often knocks on our door and we've only lived here for two weeks.

She knocks for a variety of reasons....to ask us if we have a hammer for eg....or , to see if DH could hang a picture for her...or to ask if we have a spare bin bag.....sometimes it's to offer things such as the use of her lawnmower as I told her in passing that we didn't have one.....she's offered her hoover twice now as well....at least twice as mine broke a few days ago. I've politely thanked her but explained that I don't need it as I'm getting a new one on Tuesday and am happy using a handbrush. (I just don't like the idea of using someone elses vacuum cleaner!)

Anyway...today she knocked out of the blue to offer her lawnmower....which she bought off the lady in the flat downstairs and which it transpires she hasn't even paid for yet....then yesterday she knocked for "two pounds", I gave it her and she gave it back later....but I am slightly taken aback by her overt comfort with asking and offering.

Is this usual? I've just moved from a particularly unfriendly neighbourhood if that helps...she asked me into her flat to see what I thought of a slight issue with her taps....I went in and she began telling me all about how the guy who came to do the plastering seemed to fancy her

I'm just not used to this level of familiarity I suppose.

OP posts:

winkywinkola · 03/05/2014 22:51

She's lonely.

However it could be problematic because she could develop high expectations of your availability.

I would answer the door to her only every so often. Even if you do want to be friends, it's already all a bit much.

SpeedwellBlue · 03/05/2014 22:51

Disadvantaged /outmanoeuvred/outclassed

SpeedwellBlue · 03/05/2014 22:53

At a disadvantage I mean

matildasquared · 03/05/2014 22:56

Your instincts are spot on. It's like when you start a new job and there's that one person who descends on you right away. That's the person to avoid--they have their own agenda.

Keep her at arm's length--friendly wave, shut the door, don't open when she knocks.

AgentZigzag · 03/05/2014 22:57

If you start being short with her now though that could be the thing that tips her over the edge gets her back up.

It's not about being unfriendly to her, it's more about being who you are and chatty, but on your terms not hers.

Being in control over whether you agree to things rather than feeling you should because she's manipulated you into thinking you should.

Albertatata · 03/05/2014 22:59

Not read any of the answers but in the back foot means to have been caught off guard

AmberLeaf · 03/05/2014 22:59

Too much too soon.

I'd avoid this as much as possible.

Don't answer your door, she will get the message.

Suzannewithaplan · 03/05/2014 23:00

yes definite misuse of 'on the back foot'

Suzannewithaplan · 03/05/2014 23:02

perhaps 'made a rod for your own back' is the idiom that you were looking for?

Bearbehind · 03/05/2014 23:08

The neighbour's behaviour is quite strange but it's also very bizarre to use a phrase in the title of a thread which you feel requires an explanation within the first sentence of the thread and then go on to provide the incorrect explanation

AgentZigzag · 03/05/2014 23:15

OP knew it'd whip up some MNetters into a fury and provide more traffic for her thread Bearbehind

The OP is at a disadvantage because the woman is already established in the flats and she's a newcomer. She's also being outmanoeuvred because the woman is manipulating her into doing what she says.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 23:16

Agent she only moved in a week before me....hardly got her feet beneath the table!

OP posts:

Suzannewithaplan · 03/05/2014 23:17

suspect its a situation which requires a new phrase, or perhaps a hybrid phrase?

Bearbehind · 03/05/2014 23:18

Lol! agents post was defending the strange use of the phrase and the OP has just blown it out of the water.

SpeedwellBlue · 03/05/2014 23:21

fury?

Bearbehind · 03/05/2014 23:25

Rightly or wrongly, when a poster starts a thread in such a strange way and misunderstands the meaning of a fairly common phrase, I can't help thinking they may have misinterpreted some of the other facts within the post.

Why on earth did you lend her £2 if you had your suspicions about her?

A simple 'sorry I've no cash in the house' would have sufficed.

I'd just ignore / avoid anything other than a polite hello when you see her.

AgentZigzag · 03/05/2014 23:29

You're not allowed on AIBU without at least a little fury Speed

S'in the official MN rule book.

at being blown out of the water, that she's only been there a week longer than you is much worse, fucking hell, I don't think I'd be able to take my own advice and would end up being pretty shitty firm pretty quickly.

You poor thing OP, I hope it doesn't overshadow your new home. I went from never seeing the neighbours in a city to a town when everyone knows everything everyone and it was a bit weird to begin with.

SavoyCabbage · 03/05/2014 23:31

The neighbour is trying to get her feet under the table and the OP is trying to close the barn door after the horse has bolted. The neighbour could see the op was the new kid on the block.

Op needs to cut to the chase and turn a blind eye to the knocking before the whole situation goes to hell in a hand basket. She needs to get the ball in her court as otherwise she is going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I hope I have hit the nail on the head here.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 23:31

Bear...well I lent it because it was only 2 quid...not 200....and she's on her own and I've a soft heart.

Agent no....I'm not that affected at all....I just thought about it a bit more this afternoon as her latest knock came at a bad time and I felt irritated...whereas before I didn't really....

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 23:32

Savoy I reckon you might have....

The neighbour is trying to count MY chickens before hers have even hatched isn't she?

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 23:33

She's not letting any moss grow on her rolling lawnmower....and she's got a bush in her hand too! She wants to be careful she doesn't fall for her own tricks.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 03/05/2014 23:36

Genius savoy

PersonOfInterest · 03/05/2014 23:39

Give her an inch she'll take a mile, draw a line in the sand now I think she's trying to pull a fast one.

Bearbehind · 03/05/2014 23:40

...and she's got a bush in her hand too!

wtf does that mean?

Is that another mixed up saying or is the neighbour an exhibitionist as well?

Fideline987654321 · 03/05/2014 23:44

Savoy

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