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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to share your issues with food.

61 replies

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 21:29

I could really do with losing 2-3 stone. I have success in the past but since having my ds 2.5 years ago I am stuck. I'm not huge but am unhealthily overweight.
Previously my will power was strong and I lost weight and kept it off. Now I am truly and utterly rubbish. I feel awful about how I look and really miss feeling good about myself. Me and dh hardly ever dtd now. My sex drive seem so have dropped right down. I'm not sure if I'm putting my weight there as a barrier, or if it's creating the barrier. I miss wearing nice clothes (I have a wardrobe full of them).
Everyday I decide to improve my habits and eat sensibly and everyday I fail. At work I'll pack a sensible lunch, eat that before 11 then go to the shop in my lunch break and buy unhealthy treats. At home I snack even when I know I'm not hungry. It's like I can't help myself. I'll be making something knowing I don't need or really want it but do it anyway.
I also have a real tendency to reward/cheer myself up with food.
I think i need to understand what's going on inside my head to enable myself to lose weight but I just don't know where to start. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Anybody else struggle with these issues and is there anyone whose got their head round it and lost weight?

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 03/05/2014 21:41

I think boredom has a lot to do with it. And "deserving" a treat.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/05/2014 21:43

Taking painkillers for my back for a month as it meant I couldn't fast. (Do the 5:2 to keep my weight in check).

Have put on a stone. Really fucked off.

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 21:45

Where does this need come from. If I'm down I turn to food. If I think I've had a good day then I'll have a 'treat'. It's like it consumes me, I think about it constantly. I love cooking and feeding others too.

OP posts:

CrystalSkulls · 03/05/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cookiepants · 03/05/2014 21:49

I am massively greedy , and hungry all the time. My will power is non - existent and diets always start "tomorrow".

I currently feel ill and in pain which I know is due to poor diet and excess weight. If anybody has come back from feeling this way about themselves any tips would be great.

maggiethemagpie · 03/05/2014 21:59

I'm with you. I've had periods of control and periods of stuffing my face with everything I can find. Currently at least 3 stone overweight - I guess the out of control periods won. The only time I was successful with diets was five years ago when I did low carb for 8 months. Trying again now with Glycaemic Load approach. Wish I could be naturally skinny!

squoosh · 03/05/2014 22:04

I don't keep crap in the house, it's the only way I can ensure I won't eat it. Luckily I find my sugar cravings disappear after about three days. I also listen to a hypnosis CD to keep me focussed on being slim.

And meal planning. Meal planning is a must.

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 22:13

I do meal plan. Dh is very fit but does like to stuff his face some what. Also likes a couple of glasses of wine of am evening. I think my meals are generally ok it's the in between that's the problem and the trips to the shops. I seem to have no control.
I also love baking, it calms me but it's not exactly a healthy way to de-stress. I used to run before ds but as dh is away for over half the week I've never got back in to it. I do walk a lot though.

OP posts:

rookiemater · 03/05/2014 22:18

I eat healthy meals and do quite a lot of exercise. However I eat loads of chocolate , mostly in secret, I buy those big bags of buttons oh and those packs of almonds.

I managed to keep my weight steady by doing 5/2 for a few months but was so bloody irritable on the fast days and found it difficult to concentrate at work so I stopped and have since put on more weight.

I'm just about ok but BMI now over 25 and everythings going South. I'm 44 and I'm desperate to get down to a nreasonable weight before the menopause kicks in.

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 22:21

You have to re-educate your mind....to change your thinking patterns and it's not easy.

You have to look at food in a different way....as a functional thing that's also quite pleasant. But not as a treat or as a pastime.

Plan your meals and make sure you eat breakfast. Porridge keeps you full for longer. Don't pack your lunch....which has turned into your mid morning snack....pack a small selection of fruit....or a salad. Eat that as your mid morning snack and then go out, buy your HEALTHY lunch.....be it a baked potato with beans....and a bottle of water...or a large salad with lean ham and no bread....then have a good dinner such as rice, fish and veg....and that's it. Eat less, eat well and exercise more.

rowna · 03/05/2014 22:22

Have you tried myfitnesspal? or MFP. If you're going to eat snacks you need to balance it with enough walking etc. The forum of success stories is very inspiring.

MrsWinnibago · 03/05/2014 22:23

I love baking but I changed it to cooking curries...healthy ones with no cream and no meat.

I also love making soups. I'll give you some recipies if you're interested....

noblegiraffe · 03/05/2014 22:26

What would happen if you left your cash at home or passed your wallet to a trusted colleague once you got to work? Would that break the trip to the shop cycle enough for you to start forming new healthier habits?

noblegiraffe · 03/05/2014 22:29

When I was pregnant I craved junk in the evenings. I made a deal with myself that I could get the chocolate that I wanted, but I had to eat a cut up apple first. It was cut up into a bowl so I felt like I was snacking. Once I finished it, quite often I was so into whatever I was watching/doing by then that I couldn't be arsed to get up and go into the kitchen to fetch the chocolate. It didn't stop me eating crap, but it certainly cut down on it, and upped my fruit intake!

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2014 22:30

When you were a child, did your parents ever give you food to keep you busy/quiet or to cheer you up when you were upset/bored?

I think that's where a lot of comfort eating starts.

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 22:33

Yes please MrsWinnibago, anything that I convince oh is not diet food.

I know how to lose weight and cook healthily but I just don't seem to be able to do it. It's like I'm on some sort of self destruct.

I have used weight watchers in the past but couldn't get in to it when I tried it recently. I found frustrating that a lot of my recipes I cooked from scratch had to be added on a PC as they weren't supported ontheci pad or mobile app. The amount of time it took me to do it all was madness. Also we can't really afford it at the moment as funds are quite tight. Does the my fitness pal work similarly?

It feels likes there's something in my head blocking my motivation but I just can't figure out what it is.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2014 22:37

If funds are tight, would it help to be 100% honest with yourself and add up the weekly...and then monthly cost of all the treats and crap?

That's what I did with cigarettes and the amount I realised I was spending, was enough to give me serious motivation...whereas in the past, it was just half arsed attempts.

Twattyzombiebollocks · 03/05/2014 22:40

I like all the wrong sorts of food. Bread, butter, cream, cheese, I have a sweet tooth too, and love the fat off meat. I'm a proper salad dodger (id rather eat my own entrails than eat lettuce)
Despite all this my weight is stable with me eating pretty much what I want when I want. I tend to only eat one big meal a day, I might have a slice of toast for breakfast, then nothing until about 4 when I have my main meal, and another snack at about 8pm. I don't eat loads, I eat until I'm not hungry, if I eat until I'm properly full I feel ill and bloated for the rest of the day.
I really don't have a healthy diet, but in spite of this my cholesterol is really low for my age and my body fat is ok for my weight. Seems to work for me.

Sleepwhenidie · 03/05/2014 22:44

I am an Eating psychology Coach and I ended up doing this work because your question was always something that intrigued me. It sounds likely that for you food is either filling a need that isn't being met elsewhere in life or could be distracting from emotions or a stressful situation that you can't/don't want to deal with. It has nothing to do with being greedy or lacking self control and willpower.

On the 'need' front, we all have basic essential needs to be met - such as love, sex, spiritual satisfaction (for some people this could be as simple as regularly being outdoors in nature, it doesn't have to be religious), something to satisfy our creative side (whether we produce something ourselves - art, music, knitting, photography, or enjoy things that others create). Basically the things in our life that light us up, make us happy, soothed, very much ourself. Do you have things like this? Do you regularly do something that puts you in touch with your body? Doesn't have to be 'exercise' but some kind of enjoyable movement...

Re the stress or emotion, it could be something in your past (an unhappy childhood, abuse, an attack, a bereavement) that you never really processed, or something now that isn't right (work, relationship, self esteem or self identity after becoming a mum, maybe giving up work). Something is likely to be calling for attention.

Does anything here strike a chord?

Sleepwhenidie · 03/05/2014 22:46

Mostly eating the wrong type of food can also play a part of course - but there's almost always something else going on.

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 22:47

Quite possibly Worral. I've noticed dm does this with ds even to the point every time he grizzled as a baby she'd be convinced he needed food for comfort.

We had access as children to a cupboard full of goodies. This was not really limited at all. Friends would love coming round. My parents house is still full of chocolate, cakes and crisps.

OP posts:

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 22:52

Noblegiraffe I think I'll do that. I have to go to the shop as it's my job to get milk, tea, coffee etc but I don't have to take my money do I.

Worral I will look at it in terms of money too. I only work a couple of days a week so it won't be a massive amount but if I think of it as saving to get ds a treat.

OP posts:

windchime · 03/05/2014 22:52

Growing up, we were very poor so had very little in the way of treats. This has meant that I have stuffed my face stupid with junk since the age of 18. My DCs do not know what its like to find the fridge bare or the biscuit tin empty. Unfortunately, neither do I anymore

rewa · 03/05/2014 22:54

So much i. Can relate to here. Okay if i mark my spot/interest in case someone can come up with a way out of this never ending spiral?

Original poster

ineedsomeinspiration · 03/05/2014 23:03

Sleepwhenidie it's not an unhappy childhood. I have a feeling like something is missing somewhere but I just can't put my finger on what.

I have had very low sex drive since having ds. I'm not sure if it's because of my weight or just a natural thing or if I'm using my weight as an excuse?
I have struggled with my identity somewhat for a long while. Probably when I think about it even before I became a mum. I enjoy my job and am lucky to be able to work part time and balance it with family time.

I don't have many friends and I think since becoming a mum I've found it very hard to socialise. I certainly do really miss this. Also I used to spend a lot of time with my family which doesn't happen as much now as they have a pet that's not very child friendly. DH is away 4 days out of every 8.

Sitting here thinking about it, I think I am actually quite lonely. Do you think this could be the root if everything, loneliness?

OP posts:

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