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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop dd doing to this?

72 replies

PickledPineapple · 02/05/2014 20:18

Dd has been invited to go on a helicopter ride tomorrow morning, with a friend who she was scheduled to see later in the day.

gran has just had a stroke and is returning from hospital tonight. Dd knew that her visit to the friend would have to fit in with visiting gran, dd absolutely fine with this as she loves her gran and wants to visit.

Then we got the text from her friend about the helicopter... I am massively anxious about small aircraft of any type and would hate a family member to go up in one!

I know that I shouldn't let anxiety lead my dd to missing out on things, but AIBU on this occasion to say that she is only free later in the day? This is the truth, but I feel guilty that it's quite convenient that we are busy, as I don't want her to go.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AreYouFeelingLucky · 02/05/2014 20:39

Yes, she should go on the helicopter rather than seeing gran because it's a one time offer.

Gran will understand. DD can tell her gran about it later.

Originally it seems that you could time it to do both. Do that? But if not, helicopter wins, regardless of your anxiety.

Original poster
PickledPineapple · 02/05/2014 20:40

Ok, maybe I will rethink. It's been a long day, waiting for news from the hospital and tbh this dilemma has added to the stress this evening so not thinking very objectively.

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 02/05/2014 20:41

Personally speaking, my gran would want me to go out and have fun. Not to be insensitive, but she's not dying right now. Rescheduling won't hurt anyone. And you can have 1:1 time with gran and talk about real stuff without worrying about child ears. :)

Ask gran what she thinks. Ask DD what she thinks.

Original poster
PickledPineapple · 02/05/2014 20:43

AreYou, she is sleeping at the friend's house so going extra early for the ride would mean we couldn't do both.

OP posts:
DogCalledRudis · 02/05/2014 20:45

Visiting gran can wait, or rescheduled to another day. She's not going to run away.

TucsonGirl · 02/05/2014 20:45

Unless Gran is deathly ill (which I assume she is not as she is coming home from hospital) it would be crazy to deny your daughter this opportunity and she would almost certainly resent you for it.

FindoGask · 02/05/2014 20:46

I can't judge you, I hate helicopters too and I would be terrified if any of my family went up in one, even though I know the risks are proportionally small. It's not a rational thing. But at the same time, as others have said I think it's important to try not to pass your fears on to your daughter.

I really worry about the people I love dying, but recently I met a girl whose mum had such extreme anxieties of this type, that she wasn't allowed to eat any food at anyone else's house! I know you're nowhere near that level, and neither am I, but it did make me think a lot about how I can try not to let my worries take over.

WilsonFrickett · 02/05/2014 20:48

Ok i am ignoring the ampnxiety bit.

I am a stickler for not dropping plans be cause better ones come up. But I'm cancelling a dinner with friends which has been in the diary for 3 weeks because I managed to get Prince tickets today, and it's the same day.

FindoGask · 02/05/2014 20:50

PRINCE TICKETS!!! I think you can be forgiven.

BolshierAyraStark · 02/05/2014 20:52

Helicopter ride without a doubt.

HicDraconis · 02/05/2014 20:54

This isn't turning down a prior invite because something better has come up at the last minute. This is an exciting rarely repeated opportunity at a time when you'd arranged to visit family. The two are not the same.

I also don't think you can exclude your anxiety from the equation because it will colour how you view things whether you want it to or not.

DS1 is helicopter mad. If we were in your situation I wouldn't consider us busy, I'd rearrange visits, miss dance class and see gran by myself. I'd worry but I'd let him go. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let my own anxieties stop him having such an experience.

Incidentally he went up for a 7 min flight locally in a helicopter when he was 6. He still remembers it!

MyFirstName · 02/05/2014 20:54

Once in a lifetime opportunity. If I were her Gran I would totally understand*. Especially if you overcome your anxiety and "sell" it to Gran as such iyswim.

Glitterbell · 02/05/2014 20:56

Definitely let her go. My mum would be furious if my brother stopped one of my nieces going on something like that because they were visiting her.

Having been on several helicopter trips believe me she'll love it & remember it forever

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2014 20:58

I'm sure her Gran would understand how exciting a helicopter ride will be for your DD.

She can tell her all about it the next time she visits Smile

WooWooOwl · 02/05/2014 20:58

I'd let her decide.

bellybuttonfairy · 02/05/2014 21:04

Im sure Gran would say 'What???? You came here instead of going jn a helicopter????'

Let her go on this maybe once in a lifetime opportunity. Id completely understand if she just wanted to stay at home and watch telly, but shes not.

Also gran has just come out of hospital. Will she want a house full of guests. Just go on your own to give her all your attention and care.

PurplePidjin · 02/05/2014 21:08

DD is 12, therefore old enough to speak to her Gran on the phone (presuming that Gran can speak, obviously, Stroke can leave communication impaired but in that case I assume there's a carer with her who could act as go-between?)

Can DD phone her Gran and discuss what she should do? Even if Gran's speech has been impaired her understanding most likely isn't so treat them both as adults to sort out between themselves :)

Andrewofgg · 02/05/2014 21:10

Let her go. She's 12 with a 12's priorities.

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 02/05/2014 21:11

I am a gran. I hate the very idea of going anywhere by helicopter, but I can understand the excitement others feel. I'd encourage the child to fly, if she's excited by it.

SueDNim · 02/05/2014 21:14

There is no way that I would let my DD go in a helicopter. I don't want to add to your concerns, but I just wouldn't.

Whose helicopter is it and who will be flying it?

BerniesBurneze · 02/05/2014 21:15

I'd let her go

BathroomDrama · 02/05/2014 21:16

Helicopter.

She can either visit Gran another day or you can take her between the helicopter ride and the sleep over. Easy... when you want it to be :)

You can't allow your anxiety to ruin experiences for her. It's a helicopter not base jumping. She has much more chance of getting hurt in the car!

gamerchick · 02/05/2014 21:35

I don't like aircrafts.. I felt sorry for the poor buggers sitting next to me on a long haul flight the state I was in. I don't like trains or even going over big banks in a car and I wouldn't be caught in a helicopter unless it was a zombie apocalypse.

But I still bought the husband a helicopter lesson because he really wanted to do it and no way would I stop any of my kids going on one.. because they are my anxietys and as intense as they are (needing pills) I recognise they don't belong to my family.

Ask your bairn what she wants to do and let her take your lead.. you never know, she might surprise you but I hope that you notice if she's just saying no for your sake and expectations.

She'll love it.. my husband was on a high for ages afterwards.

Andro · 02/05/2014 22:17

Helicopters are awesome, I'm sure Gran will love hearing about the trip.

Quoteunquote · 03/05/2014 10:11

There is no way that I would let my DD go in a helicopter.

why?

Do you not allow your child to travel by car or other road vehicles, by far the most dangerous type of travel.

If you were to do a risk assessment road vehicles would be the highest on the list for potential accidents.